TO KOKO
You must be surprised at what happened, why were you redirected to this site.
Its May 17, 2010. 9:02 PM. I installed a program in my laptop that blocks your pornsites and redirects it to this. Yes I dared. I thought of uninstalling it after I did it, but I still went through with it.
I just want to let you know how sad I was to see that early this morning after I left for work at 8:00AM. You would get up and watch porn at 8:09AM. The whole time I was getting ready for work tulog ka, which is fine since I thought you would need the rest. Pero for you to get up and watch porn... Bumangon ka hindi para samahan ako in the morning, pero gumising ka a few minutes after I leave to watch porn?
Naiintindihan mo ba kung gaano kasakit sa akin yung ginawa mo? I feel like its a stab into my heart. You say that "hindi ka natutuwa sa pagpoporn mo" pero it doesn't seem like you are.
Hindi ko alam kung paano ko i-express kung gaano talaga ako kalungkot. It broke my heart.
I can blame it on a lot of things not related to you. I can blame it on the fact na may regla ako at hindi kita masatisfy. I can blame it on the notion na hindi ka na attracted sa akin sexually. I can blame it on the fact that I'm over-reacting because of my hormones. I can blame it on the fact that I was stupid enough to look at my history. Those are all my faults.
Pero nandun pa rin yung reality na ang sakit sobra. Sobra.
I understand that watching porn is a staple for you. It shouldn't be a big deal. This is the second major time that porn has made me cry. First was the other time when I came home from work and it was the first thing that popped out from the laptop.
It shouldn't be a big deal. But it became a big deal for me nung dumating na sa punto wherein nasasaktan na ako.
I'm not saying that you should stop watching porn. Don't.
I will refrain from looking at the history. That's my fault. Sinaktan ko sarili ko. Ignorance is bliss sabi nga nila.
I just wanted you to know the momentary excruciating pain that it caused me.
Wala naman atang resolution sa problema na toh, I don't know if we should talk about it or what. Baka may maisip ka na resolution, basta ako honestly I'm at a blank.
Its 10:20PM. It took me an hour to write this, kung mapansin mo mainit sa umpisa tapos malamig na sa dulo. I feel better now that I've vented it out. Di ko alam kung anong mangyayari after mabasa mo toh. But I can't not show this to you. These are my confessions.
In the end, I know with full confidence na mahal kita. And that's a fact. It's no wonder na sobrang nasaktan ako, kasi right now hawak mo puso ko (sorry wala akong maisip na ibang way para sabihin toh) at kayang-kaya mo siyang durugin.
So please lang, handle with care. Because I don't have a wooden heart. Nyak.
For comments and suggestions
Please review this story
