Preface
As I showed Clare that street, my mind couldn't help but go back to the memories of that night. The night my love, my beautiful Julia had been torn away from me. I'd never forgiven who had hit her, hell I hadn't forgiven myself for saying the things I did.
That's the past; though it's over I can't help but think about it every single day. I can't cry in front of Clare, not now. I can't let her see me-Elijah Goldsworthy-weak. Even now as we sit here in silence, me staring out the front window, her staring out at the passenger window. She's trying her hardest not to look at me, but I'm not stupid. I can see her beautiful blue eyes glance over at me for even half a second.
"Oh, I get it. This is the part where you ditch me and I have to find my own way back home. This is gonna be the funniest joke ever, you're messed up Eli." Clare said, her voice thick. The fact that'd she'd think I'd do that only made me feel worse. Had I really been so awful to her?
"You're right, I am." At the last two words I finally looked at her. "I can't just be friends with you Clare, I like you too much. But I can't be with you, I don't deserve to. It's just-" I stopped, I didn't want to tell her about Julia… but I knew I had to. She looked at me expectantly.
"This is where I killed my girlfriend." There it was out in the open.
"E-excuse me?" She stammered. There was no going back now.
"Last year we had a fight, it got messy. I said things I shouldn't have. She was really upset. Took off on her bike in the night, got hit by a car." Just talking about it reopened deep scars that had never fully healed.
"I am so sorry." Clare breathed.
"Just like that, the closest person in my life… gone, because of me." All of it was entirely my fault. I'd never forgiven myself and I never would.
"I had no idea."
"It's not fair, why should I get to be happy?"
