I hate this 'Everyone please hate me' phase of the month. I really hate it when all I want to do is, run away from everything and everyone. All the stupid things make me sad during this time. I mean I know its stupid to react over this small things but i can't control it. This is damn frustrating. I really tell you. And the worse is I have to go through this every single month. Arghh...
I love beaches and that's why I am here right now. I don't mind the crowd usually. Infact, I use to enjoy it a lot. But today it seems noisy and I want the crowd to disappear. That stupid best friend of mine was behaving stupid too and also the freaking maid. My Boss was no less then them. All the day was irritating.
Can't I just spend the whole 'Hate me' time with me, alone? But no, my boy friend also have to arrange a dinner date today. Seriously! How can he forget these days of the month so easily. Well, he says he wants to make me feel good during this time. But seriously, can't he undersatand nothing can make me feel good in this time.
Oh, look at that lovey dovey couple over there. I feel nauseated. I turn my face away from them.
Sitting on the sand, hugging my knee, rolling back and fro I decide to calm myself down.
10, 9, 8, 7, 6.. 5..4.. 3.. 2.. 1..
It's not working. I burry my head in between my knees.
Stupid don't cry.
"When you feel like crying give your tears a reason. Watch some sad movies."
Oh that son of a bitch, my boyfriend had told me this once. I will try tonight to watch sad movies. But do I have collections?
Moron. Why can't I make the arrangements before handed. Oh yeah 'cause when its gone I get a feeling like I wont feel like this next month. Every single time.
Stop it. I scream in my mind to my vibrating phone. But I know it won't hear me out. So I pick up finally.
"I won't come. Didn't I tell you? Why can't you leave me alone?" I fail to keep my voice low.
"Okay okay okay. Just take care. And let me know if you need anything."
I cut the call. Okay! Just a okay? Bastard. Oh, every time during this phase I feel like breaking up with him. And I did it a couple of times only to patch after my mood swing is gone. And he just smiles and says he can't afford a divorce every month just to marry me again at the end of the month.
Bastard. I hate his smile.
I am better to leave. It's getting dark and those bunch of bastards will start roaming around the beach and teasing the girls. I will just make a scene today if I stay. Ah cool, at least my mind is still working a little.
Driving the car also seems irritating so I choose taxi but the drivers are even more irritating. Still I get into the taxi. Thanks to my luck he doesn't start 'Aur bataw kaha seho aap' convo with me.
The cold wind against my cheek through the open window calm me down. I close my eyes and try to forget everything for a while.
The taxi stopped with a jerk.
WTF.
Oh its my home. I pay the driver and move in.
Calm down. Calm down.
Oh cleaning the mess helps to calm down! But again I don't have mess to clean.
Keep laughing. I curse my fate.
A shower helps some times. I take a long shower and went into my bed. Oh, did I mention I feel too much sleepy during this 'Hate me' phase? Well, I do. In no more then 10 minutes I will be asleeped. Oh I feel hungry but I choose not to eat. Eating means cooking and cooking means frustration during this phase. And my boss need me early at next morning.
That son of a-
No. Arroagnt.
I will spare him from my language this time. He did grunt me a half day today.
Drifting into a peaceful sleep I pray to bleed the very next day. The mood swing usually go away with starting of periord. Ah, I don't like to bleed but atleast I prefer to be in a better mood than this.
Crushing God one more time for burdening us with not only the periods but also the pre menstrual mood swings called PMS in short I finally drift into deep slumber.
KK: so, if you don't like it tell me.If you feel offended leave me. :p I hadn't any intentions to do so.
It's actually a very critical time for girls. Girls emotions are always a mess and during this time it gets more messy. If you have someone who understands and supports you during this time you are very lucky.
Please review.
Just to add.. In my one year of internship I never cried declaring a death... until today.I couldn't control myself after declaring the deathe of a 22 years old boy after managing like 3 hours and before his family could make it to the hospital. It will burn inside me for a long time. And i feel the need of a therapist. :(
