Dismissed and forgotten so you don't have to know

The story implied when I said I got low.

I was lost and alone, with too much time to think.

I swam through each day hoping that I would sink.

I was breaking and bruising everything that I touched,

Everything that I loved turned to ashes and dust.

When I tried to protect the world I once knew,

I wasn't only their knight, but their dragon too.

Then I got low enough that I didn't see an end.

I saw no other choice, so I forgot how to pretend.

The barrel gleamed silver, both deadly and dark.

Seduced by the trigger, I became my own mark.

I pulled that black question from my mind's eye,

Put it into my gun, and prepared to die.

I pulled that damn trigger; put a bullet in my mouth.

Instead of ending my life, the other guy spit it out.

Sorry kids, you don't get to see my party trick,

And now again I'm putting everyone at risk.

I moved on and now I'm back at the freak show,

But I'll always have to remember the time I got low.