This is my songfic about Sirius Black. I started what-ifing one day, and this is what came of it. I might write another if I can think of another song for another character.

Disclaimer: Do I need one of these? Does anyone not understand that I don't own any of the following except the concept? I doubt I'm the only one with this concept too! Damn. I'm so unoriginal. Gah. Harry Potter and all related indicia are licensed to Warner Bros. and JK Rowling. 'I'm Too Sexy' belongs to Right Said Fred and Virgin Records.

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A Moment in the Life: Sirius Black

By PlasticShinigami

Sirius had been sleeping on Remus's couch for about a week now. After being asked by Dumbledore, Remus had allowed Sirius to stay. Of course, he would have let him stay if Sirius had asked himself. Remus was busy with investigating rumors of Death Eaters, and Sirius couldn't exactly get out much. If someone spotted him the dementors would have a little kiss for him.

"Sirius, I'm going out for a little while. I'll be back with food. Behave!" Remus shouted from the front door.

Sirius was sitting on the couch watch television. A very incoherent look was plastered on his face. Bay Watch was on.

"Uh…alright." He muttered in response.

"Why don't you get something done, Sirius?"

"Uh…alright."

The front door slammed. Sirius's eyes slowly moved away from the bouncing big-breasted woman on the TV. He raised one arm and clicked the remote, shutting the TV off. He looked out the window. Remus was walking farther and farther away. A certain crazed smile came to Sirius's face. He stood up. He was dressed in a long black robe. He pulled the crimson curtains at the windows shut and went to the stereo. When he turned it on, there was nothing. Then a deep sexy voice came on. Sirius struck a pose and moved his lips with the words.

I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love

Love's going to leave me

The beat picked up and the actual music started. Sirius jumped on the coffee table. With a wave of his wand his black robe became a black mesh shirt and tight leather pants. He began to dance on the coffee table. It creaked beneath his weight. Sirius lip-synced with the music again, wiggling his hips and waving his hands.

I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt

So sexy it hurts

Sirius pulled his mesh shirt up and over his head. He flung it across the room. It landed on Remus's large pile of books.

And I'm too sexy for Milan, too sexy for Milan

New York and Japan

He jumped down from the coffee table and turned the music up. Remus was much too far away to hear it by now. The whole house, though, seemed to pound with the beat. Sirius climbed up onto the couch and started shaking his booty.

And I'm too sexy for your party

Too sexy for your party

No way I'm disco dancing

Sirius's dance style changed to disco. He thrust his hips out and did the well-known disco move. He made a giant leap onto the coffee table and began to pretend he was a model. His lips never missed a word.

I'm a model, you know what I mean

And I do my little turn on the catwalk

Yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk yeah

I do my little turn on the catwalk

Sirius clapped his hands and turned around. He struck poses. He sang some of the words. He was wild. Meanwhile, Remus, having gone down the street to the market, realized he had forgotten all his money. He began the short walk back to his house.

I'm too sexy for my car, too sexy for my car

Too sexy by far

And I'm too sexy for my hat

Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that?

Sirius had conjured up a top hat. He began waving it around in one hand. After a few moments of dancing around the room with the hat, he flung it across the room. It neatly landed on top of his shirt.

I'm a model, you know what I mean

And I do my little turn on the catwalk

Yeah on the catwalk, on the catwalk yeah

I shake my little touché on the catwalk

There was more hand clapping and butt shaking as Sirius clambered back onto the creaky coffee table. He did his little turn and swivel his shoulders. He ran his hand through his black hair. Sirius had no idea what Right Said Fred meant by being a model, but he liked it.

I'm too sexy for my, too sexy for my, too sexy for my

Sirius had some how squirmed his way out his tight leather pants. They in turn some how found their way to the top hat and shirt. Sirius was prancing around in his briefs now.

'Cos I'm a model you know what I mean

And I do my little turn on the catwalk

Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah

I shake my little touch on the catwalk

Remus had just reached the front gate to the house. He opened it. The faint sound of music reached his ears. Just what was Sirius doing? Little did Remus know, Sirius doing his little turns, disco moves, and dancing half naked in his living room.

I'm too sexy for my cat too sexy for my cat

Poor pussy poor pussycat

I'm too sexy for my love to sexy for my love

Love's going to leave me


Remus was just reaching the front door. Sirius ran his hands down his body. He licked one finger and touched it to his chest.

"Tsss!" Sirius copied the sound of steam.

And I'm too sexy for this song

Remus opened the door and saw Sirius. Sirius, though, was lounging around lazily on the couch. Big-breasted girls were running through the water on the television. He was wearing his black robe. The top hat, mesh shirt, and leather pants were gone. There was no music.

Remus sighed, "Are you ever going to get off that couch, Sirius?"

"Uh…alright." Answered Sirius.

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I have yet to decide if I'll do another moment. But this was fun! Think Remus had a clue of what went on?