This is a really short drabble about Rachel's thoughts on dreaming after Finn has passed away. Grammar is probably not great. Please leave a review, reviews will get you a unicorn.


I used to be afraid to sleep, to dream. Afraid that the things that would haunt me in the hallways of McKinley would haunt me in my sleep. I had always been very good at hiding my fears by pretending I was sure of everything I did. But even the people who were very confident and had a great talent, had fears. I feared the mocking laughter , the coldness of blueberry slushies and most of all what everybody always told me, that I would never make it out of Lima, that I would be stuck there forever. When I heard my alarm in the morning at 7:00 I never knew if I was happy to escape my nightmares or that I was afraid to start a day in the nightmare I called my life.

When I had him I wasn't afraid of sleeping. He wrapped those big strong arms around me I put my head on his chest and I was home. The steady beat of his heart and the way he smelled were enough to lull me to a deep sleep. I slept peacefully through the night and didn't have any nightmares at all. I didn't even mind school that much. After all I had him by my side, with his fingers laced through mine I didn't even see the mocking and jealous glances. And even if we had a fight and I couldn't stand the sight of him, I slept relatively well. I knew we hadn't broken up, neither of us had said it. We would find our way back to each other.

Now I don't know how I feel about sleeping. Now it is he that fills my dreams. I see his face, his messy brown hair that always looked boyishly cute and those big sweet brown eyes I had come to love so much. I felt the ghost of his hand in mine and saw his tall form. I dreamed of the beautiful memories we had made together and sometimes even of one of those ridiculous fights we had. But when I wake up I have to accept again that he's gone, forever, and that he won't come back. I start the day with an empty feeling in my stomach and a mist in my head. When I feel like that I long to see his face again, long for the dreams that would give him back to me. When the day had gone by relatively good I would fear the night again, fear the feeling that I would have in the morning. At least the dreams give me memories that are crystal clear. At least I know I'll see him again even if it's only in my dreams.