How could something so wonderful turn into an absolute catastrophe? I now have to face what i have feared for months. He thought I wasn't good for him. From the very beginning I knew he wasn't good for me. I guess it's the way we look at things, holding the other accountable for mistakes you've made isn't the best thing to do.
In the forest, when Edward – wince – told me he didn't want me anymore, I realized why. I was never meant for him, since the start, I thought there was no way this stunning creature was for me. As it turned out, I was right. I was still alive as the months passed, but deep down it felt as if he took everything I am with him, when he left.
I have no purpose or motivation to be alive. Instead of someone leaving me, It feels like someone has killed me. Even Charlie; my dad, can see my will to live is gone.
Edward's sister Alice, left me without a word with her dearest, Jasper. Last September, my Birthday party at the Cullen's turned into a nightmare when Jasper took a snap at me. Since the party, Edward {before he left me} wasn't the same; it was like all his emotions had vanished. I honestly knew something bad was going to happen after that.
The memory I love the most is when Edward would sneak into my bedroom through the window ever night while Charlie was fast asleep. He would hum my lullaby, with his lips at the hollow base under my ear. Until I eventually drifted to sleep, in his wintry arms. Whenever I could, I would hug myself closer to his stone cold figure. Even though I love that memory, it's agonizing to think of.
October, November, December, January, four months pass, I finally feel like I have awakened from this nightmare. The days pass like months, and the seconds pass like hours. The distress still sends shivers down my spine, which leaves me trembling. As I lay curled up in a ball in the center of my bed, this feeling of pain terrorizes me consequently.
