Attempted Propellation and Pursuance of Love

A/N: This is a follow-up of "Retrospect Brings Clarity". It is what happens after their initial night together and how their relationship develops.

I hope you enjoy and any comments are welcomed.


Trying to Break Through

She hadn't made any effort to show that what had happened between them had actually happened at all. It had been all business in the week since they had made love and Elliot was reaching, grasping, at any flicker of emotion or any nuance of her feelings toward him since. The two cases they were on currently had been taking up their time at the 1-6 and both had been working non-stop trying to find enough evidence to close their cases with only so much as a "morning" and a "goodnight" at the commencement and close to their work days.

He had tried, though. He had tried as hard as he could with the steely gaze that she gave him—in the car, during quick bites to eat, at the coffee station in the pen—but for Olivia it was back to business, their evening as though nothing happened, almost as if she wanted to pretend it didn't happen.

A relationship would be difficult, he knew. He sensed that she felt this, as well. But his new-found freedom, his divorce finally being final, seemed to have had no impact on her desire to venture forward in what might be a possibility of a them.

He looked over at her, over his display screen across from him, and saw that she had just sat back down, back with a streaming cup of coffee, the brew obviously way too hot to drink and equally as acidic to stomach. They had always joked about that.

Now, there was no joking and Elliot felt that he couldn't even try to joke with her given the stoic expressions that she emitted as of late.

The last smile had given him in the elevator had been just that—the last glimmer of possibility. It was as though a switch had turned off inside of her—her walls going up, her heart as well as her body and mind off limits, clamping a vice on his own pumping organ.

Now, though it seemed much worse. He almost couldn't take it. Her coldness, her professional demeanor was almost too much to bear. He had thought that with the divorce being final he could finally move on and finally make Olivia Benson his own. Forever.

He cleared his throat lightly and leaned forward and watched for signs of anything at all from her. But there was nothing, just as it had been over the course of the past seven days, and it pained him more than he wished to admit.

She focused on a set of papers in her hand and he couldn't help but let his gaze move down to those two gold necklaces—the ones that had been dangling above him as she made love to him. His mind went to her body as he let his gaze focus on the parting of her black silk blouse, that line of enticing cleavage only leading to the beauty of her full breasts that he had witnessed first-hand, bobbing in front of him, unrestrained. He remembered the look of absolute pleasure on that smooth caramel complexion as she came over and over again, her hips gyrating on top of him, the focus of her own pleasure enough to make him perpetually hard inside of her, wanting to stay ready for her for as many climaxes as her body could take.

It had all dissipated, though. His heart was breaking. He considered himself a tough guy, able to take a lot. More macho and together than most. But this indifference was killing him more than he wanted to admit.

After all, he was now more than estranged from his own family and he felt even more alone than he ever had, even with the woman he loved in such close proximity to him every day—a fantasy that seemed unattainable to him as of late.

"Call from Mrs. Renfro," Fin's voice entered the squad room now. "She says she's ready to make a statement. She's at home…Park and 46th…"

Olivia perked up, her eyes going to the older detective as she simultaneously stood and adjusted her badge on her hip. "Now? I'll go…" She began to grab her leather jacket from the back of her chair.

"I'll go with you," Elliot offered, eyeing her.

Olivia froze in place, just short of placing her arm through the second sleeve, and those chocolate eyes were intense, leery.

"I can go, if Stabler's busy," Fin offered, looking back and forth between his fellow detectives.

He had sensed something was up but didn't ask questions, didn't pry in his usual manner, and Elliot had been fine with that. He didn't want to answer any questions, didn't want to make Olivia uncomfortable in this situation or whatever it was that was happening.

But he had noticed.

"I'll go. I'm her partner." Elliot's gaze was firm on the brunette detective and she finally looked at him.

"Fine," was all she said. She grabbed her sunglasses from the top of her desk and gripped them in her palm before heading toward the elevators, alone, ten paces ahead of him.

He took a deep breath and grabbed his own jacket and keys and was off to follow her, hoping they might have a chance to discuss exactly what was happening between them.


Olivia kept her gaze out of the passenger seat window and watched the buildings whir by. The past week had been work, work, work and she was glad about that. Enough work to keep her mind on her job and as far away from what had happened with her partner to be comfortable.

But she felt it. His gaze, his questioning glances, those blue eyes burning through her whenever they had to discuss the details of their cases. But she was trying to disconnect. Doing her best to attempt some semblance of normalcy and keep up with appearances as she had done for so many years.

But she was fooling herself.

She could feel the hurt in Elliot. She felt it radiate across the desk, next to her in the interrogation rooms, in the car when she so happened to be in the same four-square foot space as him.

The truth was she didn't know what was happening. She didn't know how this could possibly progress without one of them sacrificing something—the careers they had both worked so hard at achieving, the distance that they had maintained professionally for so long.

The animalistic display she had shown, a fantasy coming to fruition, giving her body so freely to the man that she had wanted for so long wasn't like her and she struggled with that. She had never been one to just so openly give her body to a man, succumb to the desires of the flesh so easily, and it had weighed heavily on her mind. But the fact that it had happened, that he could make her body hum with such pleasure, that she had finally given in to the urges that her body and mind wanted, needed, had not been lost on her.

She had had lovers, true. Meaningless flings in the past that only worked to satisfy her needs, her body desperately wishing for a connection with the few fleeting relationships that she had already had. But this was different. This was Elliot. The man she had kept at an arm's length as far as physicality went. He had been off-limits for so long and now he wasn't.

She wasn't sure why she was being so cold, could only attribute it to self-preservation. If it didn't work out, she didn't know what she would do. He had been the object of her affections, her occasional nightly self-satisfaction sessions, and now she had pierced the skin of the Elliot bubble and now didn't know what to do with it.

He had been so eager to be with her. He had been patient and kind and more than erotically ready. But was that just testosterone? Was that just his desire for intimacy while his own personal life was falling apart? Or was it really something that could be long-term?

"It's apartment 2163," Elliot's voice broke the silence now. He pulled into a space in front of the apartment building and put the car in park before turning the ignition off.

Olivia blinked a couple of times and then cleared her throat. The heady scent of deodorant soap had filled the space of the Caprice and the masculinity of his cologne had her already well-aware that his manliness was in the same space as she.

None of that helped with her contemplative mood.

"OK," she managed. Then she felt it. His gaze on her.

If she looked, she knew she would see those conflicted crystal blue orbs once more.

She was doing this, she knew. It was only he and she only had herself to blame for this situation. She placed her hand on the handle of the car and just as she was about to pull, she felt a warm hand on her left forearm.

"Wait…"

She closed her eyes now, bracing herself. Elliot was about to say something that she wasn't sure she wanted to discuss. But she opened her eyes now and turned to him, seeing the exact expression that she had been eyeing over the past week.

A desperate, pleading longing of a man that truly loved her.