Title: - First date worst date
Rating: - M
Pairing: - Izuo
Disclaimer: - I don't own Durarara
Warnings:- Izaya, crack
Summary:- Izaya decides to take the next step in their relationship. That's where it all goes wrong.
A/N:- And opening a new archive. Felt like writing something stupid. I will accept any requests except for shota. The next chapter will be for Red Rose. Enjoy.
Like most things their problems are usually caused by Izaya. The cocky, arrogant informant. Somehow the pair had ended up together, not as friends but as a couple. It had taken Shizuo five years to get over his hatred for the damn flea. Sure they were together now, they had been going out officially if you could call it that for three months. Both of them agreed it was time to take it to the next level.
Izaya smirked into the kiss, sliding his tongue past parted lips. The blond fought to take control, pushing him down and almost over the sofa. The pair tumbled over onto the soft cushions, long fingers running through his hair. Breaking apart the two of them looked at each other. "Shizu-chan. Don't you think its time to do that?"
Shizuo knew what he was talking about, every time they met something seemed to deepen between them. Whether it was lust or not he didn't know. All he knew was that he needed the flea. "Yeah. Okay. Not straight away though." For someone with his strength he had to be extra careful, so as soon as he had started going out with Izaya, he had looked into how to have sex.
Izaya couldn't be happier. "You aren't scared are you? Shizu-chan." The blond grinned back.
"Aren't you the one that should be scared?"
"Nope. I'm not scared of anything. How about tonight? We could go on a date?" His soon to be lover blinked.
"What?"
That was how Izaya ended up skipping around Ikebukuro making the necessary stops. "Wait. Say that again." The raven sighed impatiently.
"A date. I'm going on a date with Shizu-chan." The illegal doctor continued gaping at him.
"Um. Did you say you were going on a date? With Shizuo?"
"Yes. You have a car don't you? I need to borrow it." Holding out his hand he waited for the keys.
"For your date? With Shizuo?" Shinra wasn't being helpful at all.
"Damn it Shinra. Give me the keys."
Shinra handed over the keys watching his friend. "Izaya. Isn't there something else you want to ask me?" The raven shrugged. Skipping out of the apartment. The problem with Izaya was that he had a god complex and thought he knew everything. "Ah. This is going to end badly. Oh well. Celty my beloved where are you?"
Izaya entered the parking lot twirling the keys on his finger. Pressing the button he heard the sound of a car unlocking. Tracking down the correct car by sound, he found himself standing in front of two. A sleek black model and a rust bucket that didn't look like it would start. Choosing the nice shiny vehicle, the raven tried to get it to start, the key not working.
"Nii-san. Are you sure this is okay?" Kasuka stood in front of him fixing his tie.
"I don't know. This is the flea we're talking about." Shizuo groaned feeling nervous. Kissing was as far as they had gone, tonight they would go to the next step of their relationship. It felt weird. A loud noise made him jump shattering the cup of milk he was holding. "Shit!"
His outfit was ruined, a knock at the door telling him it was Izaya waiting for him. "Fuck! Stall him." He could just imagine the jokes coming from the flea if he saw him covered in milk. Practically tearing his clothes off, the blond rummaged through his wardrobe.
"Shizu-chan!" Shit. Picking out the nearest items he shoved them on and ran from the room.
"What?"
Izaya tried not to gape his gaze following the blond's wardrobe choice. The t-shirt was perfectly fitted, the dark blue jeans hugged those graceful legs and fine ass. "Fuck flea! That's gross." Breaking his oogling, crimson eyes flicked up seeing the two brother's staring at him. Kasuka coughed.
"Orihara-san. You have a nose bleed."
"Ah! Shizu-chan don't throw things at me you brute. I thought we were past this." His boyfriend only sighed.
"Its tissue."
"Oh. I knew that."
Shizuo shook his head following the flea out into the night air. "See you later Kasuka." Izaya grinned back.
"Don't wait up Kasuka-kun. I'm taking your big brother's innocence tonight." The younger Heiwajima only stared blankly and dead panned.
"Somehow I don't think so."
"Get in, Shizu-chan." Shizuo looked at the car before slipping in to the passenger's side.
"Where the hell did you get a car from?" He never even thought the flea could drive.
"Wait. You do have your licence?" There was a nasty sounding crunch as the car lurched forward.
"Of course not. It's only for tonight. A car is necessary for our date." There was another clunk,his hands automatically reaching for the door. A soft click changed everything. "Child lock. It's protozoan proof. Here we go." The raven was grinning as the car finally rolled forward and stalled.
It was a miracle that they reached their destination, a large bank where loads of cars were parked overseeing a large screen. If they were going to stay in the car then it hadn't mattered what he wore. A movie was normal. Glancing behind him on the back seat was a carrier bag. Reaching over he looking inside finding takeway ootoro, a variety of cakes and a can of whipped cream among other sweet treats.
"Don't touch that. That's for after." Placing the bag back, he turned to watch the large screen, feeling Izaya staring at him.
"What?" His seatbelt came undone, Izaya unclicking his own.
"You know what." The sly raven climbed across the gap into his lap.
"This isn't much of a date." Looking past Izaya he tried to focus on the screen.
"Where are you looking?"
Shizuo sighed glad that no one could see them. Unzipping the fur trimmed coat he slipped it from his boyfriend's shoulders letting it drop to the floor. "Hey! That's my precious jacket. Don't throw it on the floor. Bad Shizu-chan." Right there and then he should have left.
"Shut it flea." Grabbing the hem of Izaya's top he pulled it over the raven's head, kissing along the newly revealed skin.
As usual the flea tried to take control, biting down harshly. "Ah!" A low chuckle reached his ears.
"You can feel that. Can't you? Shizu-chan." Sly hands slid under his own clothes, raising them high, hitting the roof of the car. Tilting his neck he allowed for better access in the small space. With a grin he undid the zip on the flea's pants pulling them low. His fingers slipped past the waistband holding the hot length in his hand.
"Shizu-chan. What are you doing?"
What? Shizuo groaned. "Flea, you do know how to have sex, don't you?" Izaya laughed pulling something out of his pocket.
"Of course I do, silly protozoan." The tape was popped in a familiar voice sounding.
Welcome to Erika Karisawa's lesson tape for Iza-Iza. If you are on top please change to side b. The blond blinked watching Izaya flip the tape.
"You asked her for advice?" He didn't get an answer.
Side b. You have chosen that you will be the seme in the relationship. The speaker crackled as a high pitched squeal came through. First you need to get Shizu-Shizu in the mood, get him hot and bothered, then you can... Another squeal burst through his ear drums. Reaching over he went to rip the damn tape out his hand slapped away.
"Now now Shizu-chan, relax and enjoy yourself." The damn flea was listening to the otaku's instructions.
"You are not shoving your dick inside me, flea."
"Well I'm not letting this inside me, protozoan. You'll break something."
His movements were limited in such a small space, Izaya didn't have such problems flicking out his knife and dragging it along the seam of his jeans. "Oi! Cut that out!"
Now Iza-Iza, Shizu-Shizu is a Tsundere so don't listen to anything he says. Shizuo growled, that otaku bitch was in trouble.
"No, I don't think I will." A sly hand wrapped around his member. His clothes were ruined tatters around his knees, his boxers snapped away. There was no way he could leave the car now. Pushing the nuisance back against the glove box he quickly tried to scramble into the driver's seat.
An arm wrapped around his waist pulling him back. "Where are you trying to go? Shizu-chan." With a curse he glared behind him.
"Let go!" Izaya shook his head redoubling his efforts. "Seriously flea let go."
"No way. I'll be gentle. Sort of. What's there to be afraid of?"
"You aren't the one about to be penetrated by a fucking gear stick. Now let go." The grip loosened.
"Oh."
They ended up in the back seat still arguing like children. Karisawa's excited voice continued from the speaker. You can't enter him dry, so make sure you take some lubricant with you. Shizuo sighed the flea awkwardly straddling him. Closing his eyes he listened to the rustling of a bag. At least he had brought some. The blade by his throat gave him no option to move. Try and get him used to it with your fingers first.
Shizuo groaned as something prodded his entrance. His eyes snapped open feeling something chillingly cold against his skin. "What the hell are you doing?" Izaya had already shoved the bloody nozzle into his hole and pressed down.
"Stay still, Shizu-chan." Izaya slammed back against the window.
"Since when the hell does whipped cream count as lubricant?" He could feel his temper growing. "Enough. Get me home." His fist thumped against the seat. Crimson eyes narrowed.
"Um, Shizu-chan. Are we rolling backwards?"
His rage grew into panic feeling that yes the car was rolling backwards and increasing in speed. Izaya was laughing manically curled into a ball. "We're going to die! Haha we're going to die!" Shizuo sat up feeling something warm dribble out of him. Slamming his foot down he should have crashed through the bottom of the car, instead he was met with a bouncy substance.
"Izaya. Where the hell did you get this car?"
Everything seemed to stop, a chill hitting his skin as he found himself sitting halfway down a hill. "What just happened?" He knew ninety nine percent of things that went wrong were down to the damn flea. In front of them the sleek car changed morphing into a jet black horse that did not look happy. One that he recognized.
"Shooter? Damn it flea." One hand covered his private area while the other slugged his boyfriend.
"Um. Shizu-chan I think we should run." Snatching Izaya's coat up he tied it around his waist. The two of them ran through the night hearing an angry neigh behind them. Somehow the tape continued playing. Now that he's ready you can thrust deep inside him. Shizuo wasn't sure what was scarier.
Namie blinked when she opened the door the next morning. Her boss was sitting cross legged on the sofa stroking himself surrounded by tissues, while loud arousing noises played from the large television. It was not a sight she wanted to walk in on. On the floor were a bunch of books all new with receipts. Crouching down she picked up the first one. The Karma Sutra, Sex for beginners. They were all about sex. The one that made her laugh was a ripped up book, Sex for dummies. Though the dummy bit was crossed out and flea was written in thick black marker.
What did catch her interest was the bunch of newspapers slung across the floor.
LEGENDARY BLACK RIDER CHASES NAKED FORTISSIMO. There on the front page was a picture of Shizuo Heiwajima and her boss running from what looked like the black rider.
STRONGEST COUPLE BREAK UP.
It was too much, her laughter alerted Izaya that she was there. His eyes had been closed while moaning aloud. "Namie-san. Shizu-chan broke up with me."
Shaking her head she wondered whether she should leave or not. "Good. I'll make you a coffee."
"I don't want a coffee. I want Shizu-chan. I want to hold him and never let him go and stick my-" Turning around she retreated back towards the door.
"I am not cleaning any of this up." Slamming the door she quickly headed for the lift. It didn't matter if he cut her pay check.
"Nii-san. Its not that bad." Shizuo remained buried under the covers. "It will be forgotten soon." The newspaper was ripped to shreds around him. "Come on, you can't hide forever."
"Watch me." Kasuka stared blankly at the bulge in the covers.
"Well then I guess you don't want this." Peeling the lid off of the sweet pudding he held it by the bed.
A shock of blond hair poked out, tired coffee eyes meeting his. "That's cheating." A gentle hand stroked his hair.
"Give him another chance, nii-san." Shizuo sighed, not wanting to step outside but he didn't want to break up with Izaya.
"Yeah okay."
"I'll call him then."
Kasuka had barely dialled in the number before there was a loud rapid knocking at the door. "Shizu-chan! I know you're in there. Let me in. I brought you a gift. Please, I love you Shizu-chaaaan!" Blinking blankly he turned to his older brother.
"Should I let him in?"
Shizuo was already climbing out of the bed. "Like this couldn't get any more embarrassing." Ripping open the door, the flea was on his knees looking up at him with wide innocent eyes. "Get in here." Replacing the door he knew it would have to repair it. "What do you want?"
Izaya dropped the bag in front of him. "Since you're so shy I went to the shop to pick these up." Shizuo grit his teeth, his brother standing next to him. "I didn't know which one you'd prefer so I brought a lot. The girl at the counter said there's rubber or latex." Kasuka rubbed his shoulder sympathetically.
"Nii-san I think I should go."
Shizuo said nothing catching the box tossed at him. "Those ones are ribbed, these ones are for a close skin feel." Soon his apartment was filed with sex products. "This one is edible. I got strawberry and vanilla." Raising a hand he stopped Izaya talking.
"You brought all of this for us to have sex? What exactly did you say?" The flea grinned continuing to lay things out on the floor.
"Only that my Shizu-chan is a little frigid and afraid, so I need the best products to loosen him up."
"Damn it flea." His voice came out as an angry growl, his hand squeezing the tube in his hand.
"So. Can we have sex now?" Shizuo stalked forward grinning maliciously.
"Sure. You can go fuck yourself!" Picking him up Izaya began sucking on his neck.
"I'd rather fuck you, Shizu-chan." It was the last thing he said before he was sent crashing through the window and flying through Ikebukuro.
The end
