Muttering to yourself is never a good idea. Rae is sure of this. If she carries on she'll be carted straight back to the looney bin. Although, in her opinion, this might be a good thing. She'd be back in the loving comfort of her friend Tixy instead of fretting about her forthcoming meeting with Chloe.
There used to be a time when she was desperate for Chloe to notice her and hang out with her, even though it was just three or four months since their friendship started to dwindle it felt like years had passed. Rae still felt a pain in her chest when she remembered how her supposed bestie pretended not to see the hell she was going through at school every day. She was too busy aspiring for the attention of boys. And let's face it she's not going to attract handsome boys by hanging out with her! Or by stopping people from hiding her clothes after PE or preventing bullies from placing dog shit and other such nasty's in the hood of her school coat. Rae is sure that Chloe must have noticed. She had definitely stopped calling round for her and even ringing on the phone. Rae doesn't blame her, but believed that this disregard added to the gloom that pushed her too far.
If she hadn't been sent to the bloody Spar shop for some red cabbage, she could have avoided that liaison with her oldest friend. There also wouldn't be any need to be rummaging in the shed trying to free her BMX from between the lawn mower and a tool box. But it had happened.
She had just paid the cashier for the cabbage and finished explaining that is was an essential accompaniment to hotpot when she walked slap bang into her estranged friend. Chloe was all smiles and hugs which confused Rae profusely. In fact, she was so overwhelmed by her enthusiasm that she agreed to meet her later on at a park on the other side of Stamford.
Apparently Chloe had moved to a much better neighbourhood and Rae could have a nose around her new house once she'd been introduced to Chloe's new friends. She didn't particularly want to meet Chloe's new mates, but couldn't think of a decent enough excuse to get out of it.
She asked her mum for a lift, but was told she didn't have time to be ferrying her to and fro, and was gifted a quid for the bus. There was no way she was going to waste the money on the bus though. Any cash she acquired went straight into her music fund. This left her with one last option; her beloved old bike. After a 20 minute scuffle with the contents of her mums shed, Rae emerged bike in hand, out of breath, and sweating from the exertion of retrieving it.
She didn't have much time left before her meeting so had a quick wash and changed into her Stone Roses t-shirt, red checked shirt and black leggings. She briefly checked herself out in the mirror, wincing at the result. Accepting there wasn't any immediate solution to her appearance, she gave a shrug, slipped on her high tops and leather jacket, and headed for the rec'.
It had been a few years since Rae had ridden her old bike and she'd forgotten just how much she enjoyed it. It was a beautiful spring day, the sun was shining and the scent of freshly cut grass was in the air. The cool breeze on her face and the feel of the wind blowing back her long hair made her feel happy and free. This long bike ride had alleviated most of her nerves at being reunited with Chloe and having to socialise with new people.
Lost in pleasure of the journey she arrived at her destination sooner than expected. Rae squinted across the park in search of where Chloe might be and spotted her in the distance with a red haired girl. She was relieved that there wasn't a large group of people there to greet her. There was a couple of fit lads kicking a ball about that she would have to pass to get to her friend; the prospect of this made her gulp in fear. Passing those lads would mean she'd be met with the usual jeers and comparisons to Jabba the Hut. Deciding to be brave, she took a couple of breaths and headed straight towards Chloe and her mate.
As she cycled past the lads, she dropped her head in readiness for the inevitable barrage of abuse but it didn't ensue. Rae dared a glance to the side and the two fit lads were smiling at her. Just as she was about to smile back the fittest lad she had ever seen jumped from out of a bush and shouted to watch out. But it was too late. His football went straight under her pedals and threw her over the front of her bike.
Rae landed in a heap on the ground as her bike crashed to the side with a smash. Everyone in the park was now looking at her flat out on the grass, humiliated and grazed. She had twisted her wrists putting her hands out to break the fall and was finding it hard to get up without putting weight on them. This feeling brought back the memory of an incident at school when one of Chloe's new school friends had grabbed her tightly round the wrists so the others could laugh and throw food scraps at her. It took all her strength to stop herself from crying; she might have known this meeting was a setup.
Chloe ran towards her asking if she was ok, but Rae told her to stay away. The boy that caused the accident approached her, apologising, but she wasn't fooled by his warm brown eyes or his sincere expression. Handsome, popular boys were arseholes and he'd just proved it. He stepped toward her grasping for her arm and this motion filled her with fear, what was he going to do now? She started to panic, she's got to get away from this tosser before he does something else. Without realising what she was doing; she looked him in the eye and slapped him hard across the face.
All of the onlookers gasped in shock and Rae told them all exactly what she thought. "Do you think it's funny to lure a lonely, ugly, fat girl to the park so you can knock her off her bike?" The group gasped again. "I already know I'm shit, I don't need further punishment." No longer able to keep the tears at bay, she turned away from the bullies sobbing and ran.
She could see a group of people at the bus stop on the edge of the recreation ground; that probably meant there would be a bus soon. She'd have to use some of her music fund to get the bus home as she felt too exhausted and bruised to manage the long walk home. She was so upset; not only was she in a great deal of pain, she'd been setup by somebody she used to trust. On top of that her lovely old bike had been trashed and was now gone forever. Her mother had saved up for weeks to buy her it as a combined birthday and Christmas present when she was twelve. It was the first time she ever had something brand new.
The bus pulled in just as she made it to the pick-up point and she was very relieved that it pulled away before Chloe and her friends had a chance to catch up.
Once home, Rae went straight to her room and dived face first onto her bed so she could bury her head into her pillow and indulge in some serious self-loathing. Her tears fell for what seemed like hours until she eventually cried herself to sleep.
Rae woke the next morning feeling almost hungover from the grief she expressed the night before. She decided that paracetamol was required and plodded down to the kitchen to collect them. Her mum must have detected her melancholy, as she had already poured a brew which sat steaming on the coffee table awaiting her.
"You alright chicken?" Her mum inquired.
Rae felt happy her mum was there for her and gave a nod and a closed mouth smile. "Yeah, I think I just need some fresh air"
"Well that's handy. You can go out on your bike. A very handsome young man called round for you earlier. It looks like he's done up your old BMX for you, so I asked him to prop it up against the shed… And he asked me to give you this," she beamed whilst waving around a letter.
Rae was gobsmacked and stood at the patio door with her mouth open, gaping between her shiny bike in the garden and the thick envelope in her mum's hand.
"Well don't just stand there giving us your best fish impression, you gonna open it?" Rae snatched the letter off her mum, grabbed her tea, and went back upstairs to the safety of her room to read.
She tentatively opened it up, still slightly suspicious that something grim might spill out from inside. Fortunately it was just a letter, a letter which was written on the back of an Oasis poster that smelt of Linx and cigarettes. Rae felt a little flutter in her stomach as she started to read:
Dear Rachel
I saw you riding your bike yesterday when I was on my way to the rec'. I noticed you because I thought you looked cool. I felt something that made me want to meet you. Maybe it was how happy and vibrant you looked or it might have been your long glossy hair blowing in the breeze matched with leather jacket and Roses tee.
When I retrieved our ball from that bush I had no idea you were there. I promise I would never intentionally hurt you. Even if I thought you were those horrible things you suggested. Please believe I would never do that? I've fixed up your bike in the hope that you will ride it to meet me back at the park at 1:00pm today.
Please come!
Laters
Finn
