Okay, so apparently my muse is dead and I need to kick it and wake it up again. So I'm writing yet another Fic, just for fun. That, and I figured we need a bit of sock monkey Twilight. This takes place in whenever I want it to, so if I want it to be like New Moon never happened, fine. But I will have all the characters that are alive (so to speak) at the end of Breaking Dawn. I know it's confusing but I don't really care. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Seriously people, does my writing style seem at ALL like Stephenie Meyer's? C'mon now, use your heads

Chapter 1, Jacob vs. Sam

JPOV

Gods, it's so boring with the pack being all, "We have to protect our land from invading vampires" and such. I need a really good way to mess with all of them.

Especially Sam.

He seriously needs to loosen up.

His wolf undies are too much of puppy thongs for him.

Well then, I guess I'm gonna have to fix that for them. All of them. And I know the perfect person to help me with that. So, I went to the Cullen's house and knocked on the front door. Alice answered.

"Jacob?" She asked, "What are you doing here?"

"Nice to see you too Alice," I muttered, "Where's Nessie?"

Alice sighed. That was usually the first question I asked when I came over. But hey, it's not like I could really help it. She was my soul-mate after all.

Shaking her head, Alice responded, "She's out hunting with her parents."

"Oh." Was my only reply. They went hunting without me? But why? Then I remembered the real reason I came over, for help. "Yo Alice, can you help me?"

"Do what? Buy the perfect toy for Nessie?" She asked sarcastically.

I glared at her. "No," I said, crossing my arms, "I need help with..." I glanced around, hoping that none of the wolves could here me, "With torturing the pack."

Her eyes seemed to light up at my words. "Sure!" She cried, "Whatcha need?"

"A really, and I mean really, good idea."

Alice thought for about two seconds, probably a long time for a vampire, and then an evil grin spread across her face. "Do your wolf friends know how to play The Game?"

"The...what?"

"The Game. One of the most evilest things on the planet. Once you get sucked into the vortex, you can never come out." I had an eyebrow raised, so she explained, "Y'know, the one where you can't think of The Game or you've lost The Game?"

My eyes lit up. That game, the one where you can lose just by thinking about it. It was already taught to all of my pack brothers (Leah doesn't count sometimes) and I immediately had the best idea on how to use it.

Later...

I ran, half-naked, to where a good place to phase was in the forest. Without stopping, I took off my pants (And no, to all of you who are probably wondering, we don't wear underwear. Which is unfortunate when our fly's are down...) and phased. Then the voices came.

Hey, Jacob! Seth cried with enthusiasm.

Without even planning on it, I immediately thought, I lost the game.

Within seconds, every wolf was thinking, I lost the game, over and over and over and over. It went on for about – oh I dunno, two and a half minutes maybe? - until we all felt Sam leave us. Which meant that he had phased and I was in trouble. After about another fifteen seconds of, I lost the game, we all phased back into our human selves and met in a clearing.

"Jacob," Sam growled.

I swallowed nervously, "Yeah?" I asked in a shaky voice.

"You. Are. In. Trouble."

Just then Seth bounded in front of me. "Leave him alone Sam," he warned, "All he was doing was trying to," he snickered.

Sam growled menacingly, his Alpha growl. "What?" he hissed. I heard Quil whisper to Embry, "He sounds just like a bloodsucker when he does that."

"Well, he, um," Seth was still trying not to burst out laughing while he attempted to tell Sam what I was thinking a while back. "Uh..."

"I was just thinking," I butt in, "How you needed to, uh..."

"Fix your puppy thongs." Quil cut in. The whole pack, except for Sam, burst out laughing.

His gaze was locked on mine. "Dead." He growled.

And here I am today, stuck at home for a week outside, tied to a post like a puppy dog. But dang, it was worth it. I hear that Seth still sometimes does what I did, but I can't say for sure. And even though I'm tied to a post and getting made fun of by all the other kids,

It.

Was.

Worth it.

Hell yeah.

And that's the end of that chapter. Yay! Jakie torments his pack, just like I've always wanted him to! So, what'd you guys think? Is my muse awake yet? Or does it need kicking still (feel free to join in)?

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