In which Marinette wants to let the cat out of the bag.
...
Marinette was tired of pretending that she was two different people.
She hadn't admitted it out loud to anyone other than her kwami, because Tikki was the only one she could be completely open and honest with. Everyone else, she had to tiptoe around what she said and there were certain things that she couldn't talk about. As Ladybug, she couldn't talk to Chat Noir about anything having to do with Marinette's problems, and as Marinette, she couldn't admit the real reason she was always gone and when she was present, she was exhausted. Not even her parents really knew what she was up to. She knew the reason behind this, but when she really let herself think about it, it was like all the closest people in her life didn't even really know her. Not all of her anyway. She wasn't two people. She was one person.
Pretending that she was two different people was really starting to wear on her. And the only person who could possible understand how she felt was Chat Noir.
He had, on more than one occasion, expressed his desire to know who she was under her mask. At first, she thought it out of the question. What if they did know each other in normal life? She didn't want to risk the possibility of ruining what they had already established by complicating it with real life. And, although she hadn't told him this, there was a part of her that felt that being Ladybug was like an escape from being Marinette. No one knew that Ladybug was actually a clumsy, stuttering high school girl who over thought everything and couldn't even look a cute boy in the eye for more than a few seconds and was constantly embarrassing herself. Ladybug didn't get embarrassed. She was confident and strong, and even if something embarrassing happened, she knew how to laugh at herself and not let it put a damper on her mood. People adored Ladybug, she was hero, a celebrity, someone that people looked up to and depended on. It was almost surreal that that same amazing person, the girl she wished she could be all the time, was indeed her. Being Ladybug was like a dream, and Chat Noir was part of that dream. The last thing she had wanted to do was wake up and realize that real life wasn't that special. Or more realistically, have Chat Noir realize she wasn't that special.
That what she used to think. It took years of leading a double life for her to finally realize that, yes, she was Ladybug. Marinette was every bit as amazing as Ladybug, because she was Ladybug. They were the same person. Marinette was just as good as Ladybug, and Ladybug was just as a mess as Marinette. And that was fine. She had eventually learned to love herself, both sides of herself, amazing Ladybug and clumsy Marinette. They weren't two people, she wasn't two people. They were both her, and she was one person. She had to accept herself as she was, strengths and flaws.
Which brought her back to her current dilemma. She was one person. But nobody else knew that.
"You know..." Tikki had said to her as she got ready for bed one night. "It is entirely up to you, but if you and Chat Noir wanted to share your identities with each other, that would be fine."
She'd be lying if she claimed she hadn't thought about it. When they were younger, she hadn't allowed herself to even consider revealing herself to him, but now as she was in her senior year of high school, she almost anticipated it. They'd fought side by side for years. She figured they would at some point, but when that would be was unclear. She eyed her kwami as she ran a brush through her hair. "Do you think that would be a good idea?"
"Like I said, it's totally up to you." Tikki responded from her place on the desk. "We keep ourselves secret from most of the world. To protect ourselves and our families. But if there is one person who you could share that part of yourself with, it would be him. He has a secret to keep just as you do. You could, if you wanted, keep that secret together." She floated up and over to perch herself on Marinette's shoulder. "There have been Ladybugs and Chat Noirs who've known each other since they began fighting together, and there have been those who never learned each other's secret. There have been some who hated each other, and some who were lovers."
Marinette thought about her kwami's words. It was true. They kept their identities secret to protect their families. Imagine Hawkmoth discovering who she was and then attacking her parents to get to her, or threatening to destroy her home or school unless she surrender her miraculous. What was really there to be lost from sharing her identity with Chat? Chat, who also had to keep his identity secret for the same reason.
She sighed and climbed up to her bed. Chat was one of her very best friends, and she's again be lying if she said that her affection was purely platonic. She'd never admit it out loud, but she had grown fond of him of the years. They were constantly saving each other's lives, how could she not develop an attachment to him? She tried to tell herself it was just a silly crush that would pass, but unfortunately, her feelings stood the test of time. His constant flirting also persisted and certainly didn't help her problem. And some of the comments he made were not exactly innocent. He'd blush and try to speed past what he'd said, but she'd hear him and then notice his skintight catsuit. Thing was, she was unsure if he was serious or if he was just a flirt. He had his serious moments, but as far as flirting went, he was as playful as a kitten.
Another thing that made her doubt his true intentions was the fact that he would flirt with both Ladybug and Marinette, not knowing she was the same person. True, he wouldn't flirt with Marinette with the intensity that he gave Ladybug, but still. He made his surprise visits more frequently, despite her trying to discourage him without outright telling him not to. It was just one of the many reasons that she no longer wanted to keep herself a secret. Which brought up yet another issue.
Adrien. Her feelings for him were as strong as ever and she would chose him over Chat Noir in a heartbeat... or at least that's what she told herself. Truth was, Chat Noir was there and Adrien was just so unobtainable. She had grown closer with him as well over the years, she was able to speak to him now (how sad that that was something to consider an accomplishment), and he considered her a good friend. She enjoyed his company and treasured the time they spent together, alone (which was very rare) and with others. But he only knew one side of her. There was a level that they could never reach without him knowing who she really was. And it was because he didn't know who she really was that she kept him a distance of sorts. They had less boundaries than before, but they weren't "close". Their conversations never really ran too deep, despite the fact that she could see he was trying to know more. She saw it in his eyes when she would change certain subjects that he'd assumed she had no desire to share certain things with him. He'd assume she wasn't interested in getting to know him, or rather, him getting to know her. And for that reason, he kept himself at a distance as well. So she supposed it was partially her own fault that he felt so unobtainable. But she had to keep it that way. If he got too close, she'd want to share everything with him, including her true self. What could she do? She couldn't reveal herself to him as well, could she?
... Could she?
Before she could even ponder that, a whole mess of new questions flooded her mind. Was she actually considering this? How would she do it? Who did she really desire more, Adrien or Chat? Would revealing herself change that? What did she really want?
Tikki saw the conflict on her face, as she had not yet turned off the light by her bed. "What's on your mind, Marinette?"
She sighed. "I don't know, Tikki. I think..." She didn't even know how to finish her sentence. How to put her thought process into words. But if she couldn't be honest with her kwami, then she truly had no one. "I think... I'm tired." She paused before continuing. "I'm tired of pretending that I'm two people. I think maybe I ... maybe it is time to tell Chat."
Tikki smiled up at her charge from her spot snuggled up on her chest. "If that's what you want to do."
"Tikki?"
"Yes?"
"What would happen... if I told Adrien?"
The kwami's smile faltered. "Um..."
The look on her small face made Marinette regret asking. "Nevermind, forget it, I won't-"
"Marinette, don't worry, it's just a question." Tikki assured her. "Your identity is precious. And it is completely your own. It's ultimately up to you to decide what to do with it. If you feel that you want Adrien to know, it's your secret to tell. But... you also have to be responsible for what follows."
"What do you mean?"
"Well..." Tikki continued. "Say, hypothetically, Adrien doesn't take it that well. Or he lets it slip to someone else. It was your choice to tell him, so now it's you who has to deal with the consequences. I'd like to say I don't think that he would do anything foolish with that information, but I've seen it happen to Ladybugs in the past with men they thought they could trust. There's no telling what could happen. Just... think very hard about it before you decide on anything, okay?"
"Okay..."
Chat Noir and Adrien were the two most important people to her outside her family, even if one or both of them didn't know it. She wanted them both to know. She wanted to be able to be herself, all of herself around both of them. And maybe if she knew who Chat Noir was under his mask, she'd be better able to choose which one of them truly had her heart. Because when it came down to it, there was a whole side of him that she didn't know as well.
She began to compare the two. Chat was loud and erratic and reckless. Adrien was reserved and poised and careful. Chat was shameless. Adrien was shy. Chat tried really hard. Adrien didn't try at all. Chat was open and warm and funny. Adrien was polite and acted like he was hiding something. Chat was confident and sure of himself. Adrien was aloof. Chat would tell you exactly what he thought, Adrien was too nice to be completely honest with someone. Both boys were handsome. Adrien was handsome in a charming way. Chat was handsome in a sexy way. And both of those things were in part based on the way they carried themselves.
They were very different. In themselves, and also in how they each made her feel. Chat made her feel like she would always be safe. Adrien made her feel like she's always have a friend. Chat made her feel hot and bothered. Adrien made her feel light headed and gave her butterflies. Both made her blush, both made her smile. She'd take Adrien home to have dinner with her parents. She'd take Chat home for other reasons. If she lost Adrien, she'd be heartbroken. If she lost Chat, she'd be devastated.
But when it came down to it, both boys were her friends, and past that, Chat was her partner and Adrien was a cute boy in her class. She had reason to believe that Chat might have feelings for her. She had no such ideas from Adrien. Also, she had kissed Chat, despite him not remembering.
She really need not decide on everything tonight. She did want to tell Chat, that she knew. How, she didn't. But she would figure it out, as well as what to do about Adrien, tomorrow. Maybe she'd see him at school and her decision would become clearer.
Getting up in the morning was not a feat that Marinette usually enjoyed, but that morning was especially taxing. She'd continued to think about her dilemma well into the night despite telling herself that she wouldn't. And she awoke to find that her room was colder than when she went to sleep.
The seasons were changing. It was October. It was starting to become the time of year when it would be hot enough for shorts one day and cold enough for a coat the next. And it would probably warm up around midday, but presently, it was freezing. She draped the blanket over her shoulders and wrapped it tightly around herself as she descended the stepped to her room and went about choosing an outfit for the day.
...
The morning, up until arriving in class, had been a blur for Adrien. It was cold that day, and gloomy. Clouds that threatened rain made almost certain that things would not be warming up anytime soon. That was fine though. He liked the cold weather. He pulled the scarf away from his neck as he entered the classroom, where most of his classmates were already present.
Nino offered him a good morning as he took his seat, as did Alya, both dressed for the cold gloomy day. He returned it and noticed that Marinette had yet to join them. Not uncommon, as she was not always the most timely individual. The four of them had become their own little circle of friends, a group if you will. Adrien wasn't sure what it would be called. Just that Nino was his best friend, and Alya and Marinette were their other best friends.
It wasn't until the warning bell sounded that Marinette finally trotted into the room and took her seat behind him. She was clad in a gray knit sweater, black scarf, black leggings, and black boots. Her hair, now grown down to her mid back, was pulled up in a high ponytail. She offered them all a quiet greeting as the final bell chimed and class begun.
The rambling of the teacher went more or less unnoticed by Adrien as he chanced a look over his shoulder and saw Marinette with her chin propped up on her hand, her eyelashes fluttering, clearly struggling to keep awake. He chuckled slightly. Marinette was a mystery to him, not unlike his Lady. For a while, he was almost certain she had a crush on him, but over time he realized that she was keeping him at arms length at best. It seemed like she wanted to be his friend, but then she didn't allow him to know too much about herself, despite his best efforts. He thought he could possibly grow to have feelings for her, if he got to know her better. She was attractive, and she was a sweetheart. He just didn't know that much about her other than what she allowed him to see. There were times when he was feeling down about Ladybug, fearing that she'd never love him and he was just headed for heartbreak, and he thought that maybe he should try to pursue other girls to get over her. He wanted to get to know Marinette, even if just as a friend, but she didn't let that happen, so he abandoned the thought.
He thought that maybe he had been interpreting her actions incorrectly, a very real possibility considering she was one of his first real friends. He tried visiting her as Chat Noir, hoping for a different result, but no such luck. She gave Chat Noir almost the same treatment she gave him. Which was warm and friendly, but also putting up walls that he just couldn't seem to jump over. Actually, she was alot sassier to Chat, acting very much like his Lady did, now that he thought about it. And it was clear that she considered Chat a closer friend than she considered Adrien. Even still, she made it very clear to both sides of him that she was very open to friendship, but you had to be at least a level six friend to unlock her true self, and he was stuck at a level three. For what reason, he hadn't yet discovered. He giggled at his analogy. He also thought that maybe he shouldn't take it personally. Alya told him there were many things about Marinette that she didn't even share with her.
Though he'd abandoned any thoughts of possibly having feelings for Marinette, he wasn't one to say no to having a friend. And besides, Ladybug has succeeded in capturing his whole heart. Since the first time they fought together, he knew she was the one, but he was also certain they should have confessed their identities to each other by now. Plagg told him long ago about past Ladybugs and Chat Noirs, and about how if there was anyone who he could share his identity with, it was her, because her secret was just as precious as his. So what was taking them so long? They'd fought faithfully by each other's side for years, was she still determined to kept her identity a secret from him?
He'd expressed his desire to know who she was under the mask many times before, but each time, not unlike how she responded to his flirting, she acted as if she thought he was joking. In recent years, she had started to flirt back at him. Playfully so, though, like she thought it was all a joke. There were a few times where he tried so hard to get her attention that he made a naughty comment. He'd quickly realize what he had said and try to cover it up, but she'd shoot him a strange look that he was too nervous to try and interpret.
But being Chat Noir gave him the confidence to make such comments. Adrien would never do half the things Chat did. Adrien was the son of a wealthy elite, and he had been trained to act as such. And with that training came a certain meekness. Chat Noir on the other hand could act however he wanted. He wasn't representing anyone, he didn't have to make a good impression for his father. He could be himself. He loved being Chat Noir, he felt free. He had never known how sweet liberation could be before being chosen. He could do what he wanted, say what he wanted, act how he wanted. He could be as nasty or crazy as he wanted.
Chat Noir was the version of himself that Adrien wished he could be all the time, but he knew that wish to be impossible. He'd just have to cherish the time he could spend as Chat, and with that came time with Ladybug. Being Chat was like a dream where the rules of home life didn't apply, and Ladybug was part of that dream. He often mused over who she could be under that mask. He'd give anything for her to extend out of that dream and into his reality. He wondered where she was at that moment, what she was doing, what she really looked like...
The sound of a thump behind him brought him back to reality. He whipped his head around to see Marinette jerk upwards with a startled and dazed expression. He chuckled as he realized she must have slipped off her hand and hit her head on her desk, waking her suddenly.
"Are you okay?" He whispered to her, trying and failing to suppress his chuckles.
She gave him a thumbs up as her other hand rubbed the red spot on her forehead, fingers laced through her long bangs, eyes squeezed shut and her brow furrowed in obvious pain. "Well, I'm awake now." She whispered back. Her eyes fluttered open and her expression relaxed. She met his gaze and smiled at him. "Thanks for asking." She made a heart shape with her fingers innocently before looking up to the blackboard, her expression changing to that of totally confusion as she had no clue where they were in the lesson.
Adrien smiled and turned towards his own blank notes.
...
"Marinette, did you hear what I said?" Alya asked as the class broke for lunch.
"I'd be lying if I said I did." Marinette responded honestly as she packed up her bag. "I'm sorry, what did you say?"
"Girl!" Alya followed her out of the room. "The Mayor's Annual Christmas Ball! It's coming up soon."
Marinette arched an eyebrow. Christmas was still two months away. And the Christmas Ball was something that happened every year and they never went to it. It was mainly for the upper crusts and business tycoons. She'd heard that it really wasn't very fun for people their age. It was always held at the hotel, of course, and was super formal. Adrien had gone before, because of his father, and he'd described it as borderline painful.
Last year, on the same night the Ball had been thrown, Marinette's parents had thrown a much humbler party at the bakery, inviting all their friends and regular customers, as well as all Marinette's classmates. They wore ugly Christmas sweaters, ate cookies and hot chocolate and had a gift exchange. Pictures from both events were posted online, and the Ball looked glamorous, but Adrien's expression in every picture was bored and tired, in complete contrast to the warm and smiling expressions of all the people who'd come to the bakery party. He had later told her that he would have much rather been at her place that night.
"So? We've never gone to that." She said as they descended the stairs. She let out a laugh. "I don't think they'd let us in even if we wanted to go."
"Oh no, you don't want to go to that." Adrien popped up on Alya's other side. "Easily the worst way to spend Christmas, trust me."
"Oh my God, do either of you watch the news?" Alya exclaimed, not really noticing Nino also join them. "Ladybug and Chat Noir are going this year!"
Marinette's first thought was 'Um, no the fuck I'm not.' But she couldn't say that. So she opted for "Says who?"
"Well," Alya set her bag on a bench and fished her tablet out of it. "It's not confirmed, but the Mayor made a big announcement about how he's 'Extending a personal invited to the heroes of Paris to join us at this year's Christmas Ball.'" She quoted the air with her fingers and then handed the tablet to Marinette after she pulled up an article. Adrien peered over her shoulder with an unreadable expression as she looked it over.
The article basically said that he was opening the Ball to the public this year in an effort to increase his steadily dropping popularity (not his exact words, but whoever had written the article mentioned it anyway). You still had to purchase tickets, but they were more reasonably priced than they had been in the past. He'd hoped to attract interest by inviting the famous duo as his honored guests, and was turning it into a masquerade to appeal to a wider crowd.
"So basically, he wants them there for attention...?" Marinette said dryly as she passed the tablet to Adrien, who seemed alittle bit more interested in it than she was.
"I mean, hey, it got my attention!" Alya responded with a smile. "If Ladybug's going, bet your ass I'll be there." Her voice lowered a bit. "Plus, my mom works at the hotel and wants me to go this year anyway."
Even after all this time, Alya was as obsessed with Ladybug as she'd ever been. Marinette decided to file this under 'things to remember to think about later', but in that moment she was hungry, and she knew if she thought about this right now, she'd start acting weird. Perhaps almost as weird as... Adrien was acting? His eyes were glues to the words on the tablet screen and his brows knit together in concentration. Nino was trying to get his attention but he paid his friend no mind.
"Are you going this year, Adrien?" She asked out of genuine curiosity.
"I didn't want to, but..." He started to say, and then quickly stopped. " But, um... I mean, if Ladybug was there, that would be pretty cool, huh?"
"Hey Adrien!" He looked and saw a small gathering of the boys in their class, including Kim, Ivan, Max and Nathaniel. "C'mere for a sec!"
He handed the tablet back to Alya and gave a small bow. "Excuse me, ladies." He approached the guys with Nino following behind him, leaving Alya and Marinette to discuss the event in private.
"C'mon, doesn't a masquerade sound like fun?" Alya insisted. "Even if it is thrown by Chloe's dad."
"It does, but..." Marinette couldn't very well tell Alya exactly what she thought about it for obvious reasons. "But... I don't know, I guess I'd have to know who all was planning on going before I decided if it sounded like fun or not. Just because the mayor wants the public to go, doesn't mean everyone will. I'd hate to waste money only to know, like, three people there."
"Yeah, that makes sense." Alya said. "But really..." She leaned in closer to say in a low voice. "Wouldn't you want to go to a formal event that Adrien was at? Imagine how close you two could get. Imagine him deciding that the whole event was more fun just because you were there." Alya knew that Marinette had put up a wall of sorts between herself and Adrien, she could see it in her interactions with him, but she had misinterpreted it as Marinette's only method of talking to him without getting nervous.
"That does sound nice, but-"
"Out of the way!" Chloe demanded as she barged past, shoving Marinette aside which sent her tumbling over onto her stomach and sliding across the floor, right over to the group of guys from their class. She grumbled, forehead to the floor, as the boys made a small ruckus in surprise.
"Whoa there!"
"Not cool, Chloe!"
"What a bitch..."
"Are you okay, Marinette?"
She hadn't moved from her spot face down on the floor. She heard movement that sounded like someone stooping to help her up and she panicked. Why, she didn't know. Everyone saw her get pushed by Chloe, they knew she hadn't just fallen because she was clumsy, but the embarrassment rose in her face all the same. Without thinking, she rolled over onto her back, crossed her legs and laced her fingers together over her stomach like she just happen to be lounging around.
"Hey. What's up, how's it going? You guys good? You guys having a good day?" She spoke slowly in an attempt to sound as casual as possible. She received many confused looks and a few mutters back that, yes this day was pretty good. "Oh, that's good. Glad you're having a good day."
"That looked like it hurt, are you-?" Adrien tried to offer her his hand to help her up, but she cut him off.
"Actually, I'm, uh..." She fixed her gaze to the ceiling despite the many sets of eyes staring down at her. "I'm... Just taking a break, you know? Sometimes... you just gotta chill." Eyes half lidded, she darted her gaze around for something she could play off of. "And uh... since I'm down here..." She noticed the only thing that was at her level: Their shoes. "Thought I would go ahead and do my routine... shoe inspection." She looked around slowly at all their shoes. "You know, doing a routine... shoe inspection..." She snorted at the ridiculousness of her own words. ".. it's part of my duties as class president... You guys probably didn't know that. And I take my job very seriously, I'm very thorough. I like to look the shoe..." She snorted again and tried to suppress giggles as she locked eyes on Adrien's foot. "I like to look the shoe in the eye."
The lot of them laughed in response. They all had been in the same class for years, they knew her well enough to know that she was trying to cover her embarrassment with a joke. The dark blush on her face could not be more obvious. "Alright," she continued. "Everything looks good, everything checks out. Well done, boys. Guess I'm finished here." She slowly pulled herself up, pausing to put a hand on her hipbone which she had landed on. As she stood, she put two fingers to her eyebrow in a half-hearted salute. "As you were, fellas." She turned and started to walk away, but not without groaning and covering her face with her hand, and the boys chuckled behind her.
"You're a boss, Marinette!" Kim shouted after her.
"Ayyyyyy!" She responded and waved her hand without looking back. She walked up to Alya, who watched the whole thing with wide eyes. Adrien heard her say "My God, are you alright?" and Marinette respond with "Punch me in the face, please." before they both disappeared down the hall.
"Marinette is adorable." Nathaniel said when the girls where out of ear shot.
"Yeah, she cute." Kim noted before turning the conversation back to what they had previously been discussing, which was whether or not this Christmas Ball was worth attending, which is why they wanted Adrien's opinion. He wasn't listening though. Everyone except Chloe had some level of affection for Marinette. Nathaniel had a crush on her. Kim had been her friend for years, as had most of them. Even Nino had once had a thing for her, but he now expressed a sort of brotherly protectiveness of her. If you asked every person in their grade (except Chloe) each of them could tell you a story about a time when Marinette went above and beyond for them. Even Sabrina, though she wouldn't admit it in front of Chloe.
Adrien didn't know how she had figured it out, but Marinette had brought attention to the fact that people only got akumatized when they were at their lowest point, when they felt totally alone, hurt, betrayed, or any kind of despair. She made a point to pay attention to the way people acted and also made a point to let everyone know that if they really felt down in any kind of way, for whatever reason, they could come and talk to her. And they did. Her only request was that if they noticed someone else who seemed like they needed a friend, if they could extend the kindness and help them out.
Her system worked. Well, for the most part anyway. It was impossible for one person to keep every single Parisian from feeling down, but Akuma attacks were fewer and farther in between. They went from a weekly occurrence, to monthly, to sometimes bi-monthly. He was glad that didn't stop Ladybug from wanting to keep city patrols a regular thing.
Hawkmoth, for whatever reason, seemed to pray mainly, but not exclusively, on young people. Marinette had noticed that every single person in their class had been akumatized once. He wasn't sure how she knew that, not all attacks happened at school, and only a fraction of them were reported about on the news. But she was right, and once he thought about it, he realized that only two people in their class had not been akumatized: Himself, and Marinette.
It might just be because of how tired she was in that moment, but the more she thought about it, the more Marinette realized that she wasn't sure if she could handle a big, dramatic reveal. That didn't mean she wanted to abandon the idea, she just thought that the less dramatic, the better. And it was Chat Noir that she wanted to reveal the truth to. How could she do that without making too much of a fuss? And something she hadn't thought too deeply about... who was he under his mask? If she revealed herself to him, he would probably feel that he should do the same to her. But what if he didn't want to? What if, after learning her true identity, he felt differently about her?
And what about Adrien?
She still hadn't decided whether or not she wanted to share that part of herself with him. When she looked at him, all she knew was that she wanted to be closer to him, physically and emotionally. She wanted to break down the walls that she had built up around herself, and they only way she knew to do that was by sharing her true self with him. But Tikki's warning rang through her mind and she decided that, until she was absolutely sure, the answer was no for the time being.
She muttered an uninterested response to something Alya said as she poked her lunch with her fork. They ate in the library that day, both decided not to risk the rain.
"Are you okay?" Alya asked, taking notice of her friend's disinterest. "Are you feeling sick?"
Marinette met her gaze. "No, I just..." She rested her chin in her hand. "I'm just so tired. I was up late thinking about something and didn't get much sleep."
Alya took a bite of her own food. "Sounds important." She said with a mouthful. "Care to share?"
Sharing her secret with Alya was completely out of the question. She ran a blog literally dedicated to unmasking her. She wanted to talk about her dilemma with her best friend, but... due to the nature of it, she just couldn't. She blew a puff of air out through her nose in frustration. This was yet another reason she wished she could blur the line between Ladybug and Marinette.
"I..."
"Hey, ladies!" Nino's voice suddenly rang out as he and Adrien entered the library and approached them, lunches in hand. "Mind if we join you?"
"Uh, sure." Alya answered and then looked back to Marinette with a silent question in her eyes. Marinette mouthed the words Talk later, and Alya nodded.
"Were we interrupting something?" Adrien inquired, taking notice to their silent exchange.
Marinette gave him a half smile. "Not really."
The four of them went back and forth about a number of different topics, like the changing seasons, the upcoming holidays, and the possibility of the Christmas Ball being something worth attending.
"I have a question" Alya said. "I'm curious what you guys think. Do you think Chat Noir and Ladybug would ever reveal their real identities to the public? Like in an interview or on TV or something?"
"No way in Hell."
The three of them eyed Marinette as she answered the question a little too quickly and a little too confidently. Her wide eyes were glued to the table as she realized her error and mentally scrambled to cover her ass.
"Why do you think so?" Alya pressed. She also noticed the intense stare Adrien was sending her way.
"Well..." She started. This was fine, don't panic. Just use facts, there are real reasons why they couldn't do that, just list them. "I mean... they obviously have enemies. If those enemies knew who they really were, it could be dangerous for them or their friends and families."
Alya cocked an eyebrow at her. "I mean, I guess that makes sense, but at the same time, don't you think the public kind of has a right to know whose protecting them?" She looked to Nino, who shrugged, and then to Adrien. "What do you think?"
"I agree with Marinette." He said quickly. "I mean..." His gaze drifted. "I would love to know who Ladybug is under that mask..." He snapped his eyes back to Alya. "But I get why they want to keep it a secret."
Marinette let out a quiet snicker. "You're such a fanboy..."
Adrien quickly responded with an embarrassed grin and put his hands up defensively. "What, she's amazing! Really, who wouldn't... I mean, everyone thinks so, not just me!" His sudden stutter made a warm smile spread across Marinette's face and she looked down at the table as she felt a blush rise in her cheeks. Adrien continued. "I'm sure there are tons of guys- I mean, people who want to know Ladybug's identity... A-and Chat Noir too... probably."
Alya nodded. "I just keep thinking that there must be someone who knows who they are. There has to be someone. One of them had to have let it slip by now. How can a person keep something like that a secret for this long?"
"You'd be surprised." Marinette answered. "I mean, shit, we-... they don't even know each other's identities."
"Where'd you hear that?" Nino asked and all eyes were on her again, with Adrien once again looking very intensely at her. She was quiet for a long moment before she raised her shoulders in a timid shrug.
"Um... C-Chat Noir told me."
Adrien's expressed morphed into one of confusion, his eyes narrowed, one eyebrow raised. His head tilted to the side slightly to further portray his look. Marinette couldn't understand why he looked like he didn't believe her, but she wasn't given a chance to ponder it.
"Really?!" Alya practically shouted. "When did this happen? And why is this the first time I'm hearing about it?!"
"Y-yeah, um..." She shrugged again. "It was... something about..." She put on a look like she was trying to remember, when really she was trying to come up with something. "... I think... he wanted to know who she was, but she... didn't think it was a good idea. She thought that no one should know who they really were, not even them... Or something like that."
She feared she might have talked herself into a corner and could only pray that Alya would accept this information and move on. She couldn't even begin to try and decipher the look Adrien was still giving her.
"But when?!" Alya persisted, practically jumping out of her seat. "When did you talk to him?!"
"I... uh..."
She was startled by the bell that noted that lunch break was almost over. She made an over exaggerated fuss of realizing she still had to finish eating and then stuffing the food into her mouth, clearing avoiding eye contact with anyone. She quickly gathered her things and made a few indistinguishable hums, mouth still full, and they could only assume she was trying to say they should get back to class. She didn't wait for an answer before she trotted out of the library with Alya at her heels, leaving Adrien and Nino to exchange confused looks.
...
The only way to placate Alya was promise that they would talk about it right after school, which gave Marinette until then to come up with a story that would satisfy her curiosity without revealing too much. She so wished she could just tell her friend the truth, but... she should just start with Chat Noir and worry about the rest later.
She could just tell an edited version of the truth... She knew Chat Noir wanted to know who Ladybug was because he had indeed told her. He told Ladybug, which was her. So it technically wasn't a lie. And Chat had visited her before as Marinette, it was entirely possible that during one of those visits, he could've mentioned it to her. It's not like anyone would know she was lying about that. But then she'd have to tell Alya that Chat visited her, a topic she hadn't shared because she was afraid of this very reaction.
It's not like it was something that happened all the time, but it did happen. Maybe once... or twice... every so often. She noticed it was always when they had fought an akuma during or close to night time and he hadn't had to use his cataclysm. She'd bid him farewell as Ladybug, make it home before her transformation dropped, and within an hour or so, he'd come to her house, claiming he was "Just in the neighborhood and wanted to know if she was still up and minded some company", and then he'd stay until she kicked him out. She was sure, after realizing his habits, he'd somehow realize she was Ladybug. Like after a fight ended, he'd go straight to her house and catch her, but it was always alittle bit later that he'd visit. She wondered what he did during the time in between, but she couldn't ask without giving herself away.
As she pondered over all this, she caught glimpses of Adrien peering at her from over his shoulder. He seemed to be just as deep in thought, but over what, she'd no clue.
How the Hell could she possibly know all that? Kept repeating in Adrien's head. It would be one thing if she was just saying random things and claiming to be close to a superhero, like some other people did, but everything she had said was true. He thought back to her uncanny knowledge of akumas and akuma attacks. She clearly knew more than she let on. The fact that he and Ladybug didn't know each other's identities wasn't public knowledge, as far as he knew, there was no way she could've known that, let alone the reason why. And when she said Chat Noir told her? He knew that was a lie because he had told her no such thing.
He, as Chat, had told her only a handful of things about himself and Ladybug, the bulk of which being him lamenting about his love for his spotted partner. When he visited her, he always wanted to know about her, not talk about himself. And honestly, he would visit her when he wasn't quite ready to go home after a battle. He'd jump rooftops for awhile, just killing time, and he'd just end up at her place. Marinette was a private person, so they didn't really talk about personal things. But she obviously knew something about him and Ladybug. He knew that she and Ladybug knew each other, but he didn't know how well. Maybe they were friends, but then why would she claim to get the information from him? If Ladybug told her that, she could've just said that.
As he chanced a look back at her, she looked just as deep in thought as he was. He watched, pretending to look out the window but with his eyes glancing back at her, as she brought the tips of her fingers together and then pressed her hands until her fingers bent back and her knuckles cracked. She then went around and cracked each individual knuckle of her first joint, and then the second. She then brought her hands apart and rolled her wrists, and he heard them crack as well. After that, she interlaced her fingers together and stretched her arms over her head, leaning back and arching her torso in a full stretch.
She either didn't notice him looking at her, or didn't care. She sighed heavily and leaned her chin on her hand. Her gaze was fixed in the direction of her notebook, but she didn't seem to be focusing on anything. Her eyes gave Adrien the impression that she was having some kind of inner conflict. He wondered if she was thinking about how much she had said about Ladybug. Back in the library, she clearly knew she'd said too much, which was the reason she made such a dramatic exit.
Maybe Chat Noir should ask her about it later.
The end of the day came almost too quickly. Marinette was no closer to knowing what she was going to tell Alya. She wasn't good at making things up on the spot, but at the same time, she thought maybe just simply telling her edited version of the truth would be good enough.
Then why was her chest so tight?
As her classmates packed up their bags around her, Marinette didn't move or look up from her desk. She could feel Alya staring at her anxiously, and she was even more thrown off to see Adrien also take his time packing up, as if also waiting for her. She could tell he was also at least a little bit interested in hearing the story too.
She didn't want to talk about any of this. She regretting saying anything, she should've just kept her mouth shut. She felt the anxiety rise up in her chest and throat. Alya wouldn't be satisfied with a simply answer, she never was. She loved her to death, but the girl was born to be a journalist: she was nosey and persistent.
"Okay, school's over, I wanna hear all about this visit with Chat Noir!" Alya was practically bouncing as she turned her whole attention toward Marinette.
Marinette wanted to blur the line between herself and Ladybug, but not like this. So of course, in typical Marinette fashion, she would do the first thing that popped into her head: she'd make an excuse and bail.
She spoke in a low voice. "How about you come over to my place later? And we can talk about it then." She stared Alya in the eyes, and then quickly darted her gaze to Adrien and Nino who were just standing up from their seats, and then back to Alya in an attempt to communicate to her that she didn't want them present for said conversation.
Alya took the bait. "Ahhhh, okay." She said with a wink in an equally low voice. The boys lingered by their desk and seemed to be waiting to see if the four of them would exit together. Alya stood and joined them as Marinette remained in her seat.
"I'll catch up with you guys later." She said as she still made no move to stand up. The classroom was practically empty with the last remaining students filing out. She locked eyes with Alya and added "I'll text you later."
Alya gave her a thumbs up and then a wave. "Alright, girl, I'll see ya!" She smiled knowingly and gave her another wink before exiting the classroom, Nino at her side.
Adrien lingered at the door, however. He looked back at her and their gazes met. Neither spoke. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he remained silent. After a few moments, Marinette smiled warmly at him and offered him a shy wave. "See you tomorrow." She said softly.
His shoulders sunk ever so slightly as he seemed to decide against saying whatever he was going to say. "Yeah," he responded. "See ya." He lingered a moment more before he too exited the room, leaving Marinette alone.
She let out a long breath she didn't know she'd been holding and slumped back in her chair. She reached down into her bag and pulled out the coin purse Tikki hid in.
"You know, Marinette, the truth really isn't that incriminating." The red sprite said. "Chat Noir does visit you all the time! That has nothing to do with you being Ladybug, so why not just tell the truth?"
Tikki had been with her, right by her side literally all day, every day, well long enough to know exactly how Marinette's mind worked. She knew all about how easily panicked she was and how much she tended to over think things. Marinette need not even tell her what she was worried about, Tikki knew.
"I know you're right, I just... panicked." Marinette had been worried that the kwami might be upset with her for saying too much, but if she was, she didn't express it. "I should've just kept my mouth shut..."
"You did nothing wrong," Tikki interrupted her and floated up to her eye level. "There's nothing wrong with talking about the superheroes of Paris, lots of people do it. I think you might be over thinking it, Marinette."
"Maybe you're right."
"I am right." The kwami sat herself in Marinette's open hand. "And did you notice Adrien staring at you?"
"Yeah, he was giving me weird looks in the library-"
"No, during class!"
Marinette cocked an eyebrow because she had not. She felt like she would've noticed her ultra-crush staring at her. Had she been that wrapped up in her own over thinking?
"The weird looks started when you mentioned Chat Noir." Tikki continued. "And he kept looking back at you during class. I think he's jealous."
"Jealous of Chat Noir?" That seemed unlikely to her, but clearly she was not good at picking up hints from cute boys. Or interpreting their words or actions. She was clueless, that's what she was, and she knew it.
"Yes! How else do you explain the way he was looking at you?" Tikki said excitedly.
"Um... that he thought I was lying? That's kind of what I thought he was thinking..."
"Oh, Marinette." The kwami smiled affectionately at her. Marinette supposed she might be right. There really wasn't any way Adrien could've known she was lying. The only person who would know it was a lie was Chat himself. And he wasn't there, so...
She let out a mixture of a sigh and a groan. "You know what, I don't want to think about this anymore. I think I just want to clear my head and deal with all this later." She rose to her feet and the sprite floated up sit on her shoulder. "I think I did make up my mind about one thing though. I want to tell Chat Noir the truth."
...
Alya, Nino and Adrien were still outside in front of the school. Mainly Nino and Alya talking about something and Adrien just not really wanting to leave yet. A part of him wondered if they wanted him to leave them alone (there was something going on between them, but they had yet to label it). Another part of him kind of hoped that he would catch Marinette before he left, even though he didn't know what he would say.
"Oh my God, look!" Alya suddenly shouted and pointed enthusiastically over to a nearby building.
Adrien looked where she was pointing and his heart skipped a beat at the sight of Ladybug racing along the rooftop, a red blur against the gray sky. She leapt into the air, threw her yo-yo and swung out of view. There was no commotion, no screams, no sign of danger, but even still, Adrien muttered something about going back in side to get something from his locker and he left his friends.
He ran through the school and right out the back door, checked to make sure their was no one around, and then transformed himself, ignoring Plagg's complains about what was the fuss over. He launched himself onto the roof and headed in the direction His Lady had been going.
He was almost certain there was no danger, but he would use that excuse. She could be roof hopping for any reason, he did it sometimes just because it was fun. But he felt compelled and obligated to join her. That wasn't true, he wanted to see her just because he wanted to, there was no other reason. And he wouldn't pass up the opportunity.
It didn't take him long to catch up with her, as she seemed to have slowed down. When he landed on the roof of the building she was on, she was standing on the opposite side, her back was to him. She seemed to be looking out over the city and thinking about something. Her index finger was to her lips in a contemplative fashion, and he noticed she had her hair in a high ponytail, her bangs swaying gently in the high breeze.
Adrien hadn't thought it through, but Chat Noir knew exactly what he wanted to do.
As quietly as he could, he sauntered up to her until he stood directly behind her. Although it seemed like he could've had bells on his shoes and she still wouldn't have noticed him. He leaned in slowly and blew a hot breath of air right behind her ear and said, "Miss me, Milady?"
As expected, she shrieked and jerked to the side, and he chuckled as his hand shot out to grab her wrist to prevent her from stumbling over. "Chat Noir..." She said, annoyance dripping from her voice.
But as she continued to look at him, as he wore an amused smile, her expression softened until the corner of her lips curled upward. Finally, she huffed and said, "What are you doing here?"
"I was going to ask you that, Milady." He winked. He still had a hold on her wrist, and he brought her hand up to his mouth and pressed his lips against it, eyes locked with her's. And to his surprise, she let him. "I saw you jumping around and wondered if there was an akuma." He didn't let go of her hand, still holding it up to his mouth, and she didn't pull it away. "But it doesn't look like there is one."
She was staring at him intensely. Her smile dropped, but her expression was curious, eyes fully open, head tilted down slightly. She said nothing, just stared. Her eyes burned into him, locked with his. He felt small under her gaze, like she could see his very soul. Her irises were like bright blue fireworks against a dark blue night sky. The longer he looked into them, the more he could swear he saw them dancing. His chest felt tight and his breath caught in his throat.
She slowly and gently pulled her hand from his, but then lightly brushed the stray hairs away from his eyes with the back of her knuckles, the tips of her fingers lightly trailing down the side of his face. His eyes widened and he said nothing for fear that she would pull away. He was embarrassed when his breath noticeably hitched and a small smile appeared on her face. What she was doing was so light and simply, why was it enlisting such a strong reaction from him?
She rested her hand on his cheek and dragged the tip of her index finger lightly along the bottom of his mask, starting next to his nose and going all the way back to his hairline. The feeling of her gloved fingers on his skin sent a spark of electricity through him, the energy converging in his chest, where his heart pounded against his ribcage the longer he stared into her ever observant gaze. He feared that in that moment, his mask would falter and fall off. Or she would try to pull it off.
He realized that his own hands were just hovering dumbly between them, but he didn't know what else to do with them. His face felt hot. He found himself anxiously wanting to know what she planned to do next.
She brushed her fingers down his cheek once more before placing her thumb just above his top lip. His lips were parted slightly and she gently dragged her thumb down over them, pulling his bottom lip slightly.
She hummed and pulled away, despite him reaching out for her, and turned and took a few steps towards the edge of the roof. Her back to him now, he took the opportunity to release the breath he didn't know he was holding.
"There is no akuma." Ladybug said finally, turning to look at him over her shoulder, a warm smile on her face as if nothing had happened. "I was just taking the quick route home."
He stared at her, mouth agape, shoulders hunched, and he realized he was panting. He quickly composed himself and smiled at her, and though tried to appear confident, he couldn't mask the nervous look in his eyes.
"Well, since I caught you, Milady," He prayed his voice would come out strong, and to his relief, it did. "Did you hear that we've been invited to the Mayor's Christmas Ball this year?"
"Oh... yes, I did." Ladybug turned to face him fully again. She hadn't thought about that since Chloe pushed her earlier. She'd told herself she'd think about it later, so it was probably a good thing Chat was here to talk about it. "Are you going to go?"
"I don't know," he said and took a step toward her, his usual cocky grin on his face. "Are we?"
She cocked an eyebrow at him. "Beg pardon?"
He laughed and bowed deeply before her, one hand on his chest, the other extended out to his side in a grand gesture. "It would be my privilege and delight to escort you to the ball this Christmas, Milady." He looked up at her with what she could only describe as the most precious expression. It was a mixture of confidence and pleading. "Would you do me this great honor and be my date? You would be making me the happiest feline in all of France-"
"Oh, come now, there's no need to grovel." She said playfully. "Of course, mon cher, I would love to."
He looked up at her, face suddenly blank, with wide eyes and red cheeks. "Really?"
She was equally taken aback by his response. "Um... yes?" Her brows knit together and she smiled. "What did you expect me to say?"
"No." He said blandly and rose up from his bow. "I expected you to say no."
This seemed to confuse her more. "Really?" She paused as if waiting for an answer, and then added, "Why?"
He opened his mouth to speak, but he didn't know what to say. The real reason was 'Because I really wanted you to say yes but I also was expecting rejection because I've spent literally years trying to put the moves on you and you always think I'm joking but I'm not', but that was too embarrassing.
Ladybug giggled and his blush deepened. "Oh, c'mon Chaton," she took a step towards him and put a hand on his shoulder. "We're partners. And we were both invited 'as honored guests'." She quoted the air with her fingers. "Why wouldn't we go together?"
She noticed him deflate slightly at her words. The truth was the idea of going with him made her chest swell in excitement. The idea of the two of them together, in formal attire, dancing all night... The hand that was on his shoulder slid upwards and laced into his hair. "Besides, there's no one I'd rather go with than you."
A goofy smile spread across his face and his eyes lit up. She felt her own face heat up and without thinking about it, she leaned in and pressed her lips against his cheek. She heard him take a sharp breath in surprise, his shoulders tensed up.
Her lips lingered a tad longer than they needed to, and even after she pulled them off his skin, she still lingered. She could feel his uneven breath against her ear, and she imagined what it would feel like if she stayed that close just a little longer.
Unlike his, her breathing was soft, unaffected by the proximity. He felt a hot breath against his jaw and he shut his eyes. Even if she pulled away immediately after, he resolved in that moment, he was going to remember what this felt like.
She felt his fingers twitch against her waist, like he wanted to grab hold but didn't know if he could. She also noticed his previously wide eyes slip shut, and she decided to stay alittle longer.
Vision gone, he focused on her hand in his hair and her breath on his face. He breathed in her scent. Vanilla. He felt the tip of her nose, cold from the chilly day, ghost down his cheek, almost following the line of his mask as her fingers had done, towards his mouth. He breath hitched again and he wondered if her lips were seeking his. He opened his eyes just a sliver just as her lips once again connected to his skin, this time against his jaw, and he couldn't help the small noise that escaped him.
She pulled away alittle too quickly and offered a friendly smile to hide her embarrassment. That second kiss... She hadn't meant to do that. The energy between them was charged. They both felt it. It was heavy with the feeling and knowledge that this was going somewhere...
"You know it's formal, right?" She asked in an attempt to speed past what just happened.
Taking a moment to catch his breath, he nodded. "Of course." He smiled and wiggled his eyebrows at her. "If you think I look good in a catsuit, you should see me in a tux."
She retracted her hand from him, but he caught it and once again pressed his lips to her knuckles, winking as he did so. He didn't miss the red tint of her cheeks peeking out from behind her mask.
She turned away from him, shoulder raised up to hide her face. She pulled her hand back and took her yo-yo from her hip. "Au revoir, Chaton." She leapt from the building before anything else could be said, leaving a red faced Chat Noir, flustered and practically bursting at the seams.
…
I posted a few sneak peaks of this story on my tumblr and the feedback was very positive and encouraging. Thank you! This story has been my baby for a long time now, and I figured it was finally time to post it.
New chapters coming soon!
