Disclaimer: I own nothing. Not One Tree Hill, Shakespeare or the Ramones.

A/N: This is my first multi-fic story. The first chapter sort of jumps right into the story, and for some reason, I just write dark and depressed better than happy. So please stick with the story, I promise it has happy moments. As always, please review. I work better with feedback and it is encouraging to know that people are enjoying your story.

With that; read, enjoy, & review!

Shakespeare once wrote,

"We know what we are, but we know not what we maybe"


When I was nineteen, I thought I had the whole world figured out. I was in L.A. pursuing my dreams in the music industry, the love of my life, Lucas Scott, had finished his first novel and was working on getting it published. We loved one another and we were going to have the rest of our lives to watch our dreams come true together.

Apparently though, I did not have the world figured out. Lucas suddenly showed up in L.A. with a ring and a proposal and I freaked out. And by freaked out, I mean FREAKED OUT. I never said no, I just said not right now. You see in my world, we would be together when our dreams had been realized, not before then. What I had understood was that to Lucas, being married to me was a dream realized. Well, me not realizing this realized dream of Lucas and I said "Not now", not no, just not now. To Lucas though, this was a crushing blow, one that he could not withstand. So instead of waiting, he left. He left our relationship without a solitary goodbye. Instead, I woke up to an empty hotel room, alone.

Suddenly, I wasn't sure about not only what I might be, but what I was. Without Lucas, I was lost. I had become so used to him saving me I wasn't sure how to save myself. So, for the past two years I have been a lost child, a wandering soul. I no longer have dreams to pursue. Instead I spend my time chasing memories, trying to recreate a happiness that has long escaped me. On the darkest nights, when the memories were too much, I created my own escape, cocaine. The two times I did it were agonizingly painful. Instead of the sleep I craved, I found myself awake and unable to shut off my mind. Those two times were times I remembered how badly I hated myself when I had done this before. They reminded me that I had two moms who were watching and I was disappointing them.

I haven't touched drugs in a year and a half. I can be a lost, wandering soul without drugs. I realized that then. Amazingly, I pulled myself out of that stupor, but I just haven't been able to shake the whole Lucas is never coming back thing. I still do not know how to save myself, I don't know how he did it all those times before.

The only person who has reached me in these past two years has been Brooke. Despite the drama in high school, she is my best friend, my rock and my confidant. Even she has not been able to save me from myself and the loss that I feel. She does her best to comfort me and to make sure that every once 

in a while I reconnect with the outside world. Sometimes Brooke is the only one that can find me. When the rest of the world walked out, Brooke was still here, right beside me.

I called Brooke a couple of weeks ago. I told her that I needed to go home, home to Tree Hill. I am just so tired of running after memories. It is time to face the past. Brooke, a successful fashion designer with a great life in New York didn't even hesitate before answering. Instead there was an immediate yes and before I knew what was happening she had dove into moving plans and coordinating schedules. Thank God for that or I might have never left L.A.

We just got back home and no one knows we are here. Brooke has rented a beautiful house for us and we have spent the past week unpacking and drinking ungodly amounts of wine. I know one day soon we, or more specifically I, will have to leave the nest Brooke has created for me and face my demons. For now, I want the wine to keep the demons away, I enjoy this sedated state of mind.

Maybe tomorrow.


Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin' to do and no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated
Just get me to the airport put me on a plane
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane
I can't control my fingers I can't control my brain
Oh no no no no no
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go...
Just put me in a wheelchair, get me on a plane
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane
I can't control my fingers I can't control my brain
Oh no no no no no
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin' to do and no where to go-o-o I wanna be sedated
Just put me in a wheelchair get me to the show
Hurry hurry hurry before I go loco
I can't control my fingers I can't control my toes
Oh no no no no no
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go...
Just put me in a wheelchair...
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated


As a senior in high school I had the entire world in my hands. I had a beautiful wife that I loved. I had an amazing son that I loved from the moment I laid my eyes on him. I had a scholarship to Duke to play basketball. My dream had come true. So much more had come true that I had ever even imagined having in my life.

Then one day, my world came crashing down all around me. It was my third year at Duke, we had won the NCAA tournament the season before and where ranked number one going into the preseason. There were talks that I could be drafted after this season, if I could put up the numbers I had my freshman and sophomore seasons. Even this day, the whole world was mine. Then there was the frantic phone call from Haley. Something was wrong with Jamie, I couldn't even understand her she was so hysteric on the phone.

By the time I got to the hospital, it was too late, Jamie was already gone. He had been playing on the slide in the park with Haley. Somehow he fell off and the force of the fall had been enough to crush the life right out of him. The doctors told me he was gone before they ever even reached the hospital. The light of my life was suddenly gone and from that point on everything was dark.

Selfishly, I blamed Haley for everything. She should have been more careful. She should have been watching. I took all the anger and rage I felt and directed it to Haley. After the first month of anger, I just started to ignore her. I acted like she wasn't there and that Jamie had never happened. Instead I focused all of my energy on basketball. Amazingly, it still came as a surprise that Haley left me. I came home from a road game to find all of her things gone and divorce papers sitting on the kitchen counter. For some reason, I never thought that I would lose her. No matter what I did, I truly believed that she would always be there.

In a way, losing Haley was worse than losing Jamie, because it meant that I had lost everything important in my life. When Haley left is when my concentration lacked in basketball. Going into the post season I was having the season of my life, but then I suddenly froze. I was nothing on the court. The team managed to make a Final Four appearance, but all talk of me going pro had vanished into thin air. I was lucky that Coach K believed in me and my talent, or I could have been cut right then. However, he asked me to come back for my fourth and final season. As this point in life I had nothing but basketball, so of course I agreed.

By the start of my senior season I was ready to prove to the world I was back. And I came out on fire. It was in the first round of the tournament though, that I saw my last dream come crashing down around 

me. I came down wrong from a simple breakaway layup and shattered my knee. That was the end for me. I rehabbed and got better, I could have played again, but my heart just wasn't in it.

Now I spend my days in Tree Hill hiding in the beach house consumed by alcohol. I know that eventually I will have to go out and face the world, but for now, I just want to forget every memory that I have ever formed. I want to be in a sedated state of mind, one where I am just here and that is all.

I can't face the world today, maybe tomorrow.


Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin' to do and no where to go-o-oh I wanna be sedated
Just get me to the airport put me on a plane
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane
I can't control my fingers I can't control my brain
Oh no no no no no
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go...
Just put me in a wheelchair, get me on a plane
Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane
I can't control my fingers I can't control my brain
Oh no no no no no
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go I wanna be sedated
Nothin' to do and no where to go-o-o I wanna be sedated
Just put me in a wheelchair get me to the show
Hurry hurry hurry before I go loco
I can't control my fingers I can't control my toes
Oh no no no no no
Twenty-twenty-twenty four hours to go...
Just put me in a wheelchair...
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated
Ba-ba-bamp-ba ba-ba-ba-bamp-ba I wanna be sedated