"But I'm only human, and I bleed when I fall down. I'm only human, and I crash and I break down." - Christina Perri, Human
Her heart was pounding so wildly she was afraid it's just going to tear itself out from her chest. Her panting breaths sounded too loud, too harsh and too sharp in the velvety dark night. Silence around her was so thick; she could cut it with a knife. As she looked around in the pitch black, trying to position herself, her mobile went off with an aggressive buzzing and ringing, making the girl so startled, she nearly fell off from her bed with a little scream when she heard it.
"Ny ty i suka!" she muttered as she swiped off the phone to the ground with a hasty movement. "Hauno!" Nina added and she fished the mobile up from between her slippers and finally turned it off, after she threw herself back between her pillows - she had six, which, compared to the size of her tiny bed were pretty much, they took up nearly half of the space - and growled. She woke up a minute before she should and she hated that. Her little apartment was cold and dark, but it was four o'clock in the morning and dawn didn't grace the city yet. The girl wanted to go back to sleep, just for twenty minutes, just for twenty minutes... The phone buzzed again - she just hit snooze earlier - and with a last sigh, Nina crawled to the side of the bed and sat up groggily. She only slept a few hours, she just got back from a prestigous competition - the World Junior Championship which was held in Debrecen, Hungary - with a gold medal around her neck - as it was expected from her. She brushed out her raven black hair from her face - her long bangs usually settled themselves into bigger, elegant waves, except for mornings, when she usually looked like... well a kind of badly groomed haystack. She slowly stood up and stretched herself arching her back, accompanying it with a yawn. It was a casual and nonchalant movement, but still had so much grace; it made her look like a young cat which just woke up from its afternoon nap. She cracked her toes, curled her feet a few times and finally headed towards the bedroom's door. Her hand was on the door-knob when she felt it... The smell of... Toast? Waffels? And... eggs... bacon? Coffee? The girl froze to the floor. Her blood was flowing so loudly in her ears she couldn't hear anything else, not even her grasps. Her nightmare from earlier came back in a moment... And somebody was in her apartment and made... breakfast? What on earth was going on? Nina gulped and slowly opened the door. Her heart was beating so loud now she was sure the one who was out there can hear it... She slowly stepped out from the bedroom and closed the door silently. Her feet were ice cold against the floor, but she managed to sneak to the kitchen...
"VIKTOR?" She yelled when she saw the familiar white blondish hair. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE? How did you get in? And why are you... cooking?"
"Ninachka, milaya moya!" The man turned around and flashed he's most endearing smile when he heard here voice. He spread his arms like if he was waiting for a hug. "S dobrym utr...!"
"No, don't even start with this 'good morning' bullshit!" Nina just gave her brother a cold look and took a half step back to be sure she is far enough from the other. "Explain. Now." She hissed, and her voice was intimidating but her brother didn't seem to care. Or, he didn't notice at all. When it was about Viktor, both could be possible. Before Nina could speak again, a big poodle ran into her nearly knocking her down from her feet with happy barking. He jumped up and started to lick the girl's face with enthusiastic tail wagging.
"Makkachin!" Nina hugged the dog and buried her face into it's soft fur, breathing in the warm, heavy dog scent. "Good boy, good boy, I missed you so much too!"
"And what about me?"
"Obviously not." The girl's tone immediately turned ice cold. "Why would I miss you? You never seem to miss me... So, I ask again. What the fuck are you doing in my apartment?"
"I wanted to congratulate to your performances at the Youth Olympics! You were exceptional! A gold medal..."
"First, I won in single and in team, plus my team got first place too... And second, theYouth Olympics were CLOSED on the 21th of February!"
"And...?"
"And? It's the 22th of March today! A month! And for your information, I got my gold medals before the games were officially closed... That makes it more than a month! You didn't even pop into the games once to see me when I had free time, you didn't come to see my performance, but okay, you were busy that time, and it was in Norway anyway, or whatever... But since? Not a phone call, not an email, not a goddamn text!" Nina clenched her fists and ignored Makkachin, who were poking her arm, in hope for some more strokes. "You think showing up randomly here makes up for that?" The girl let out a shaky laughter. "You didn't even watch my performance, right?"
"Ninachka..."
"RIGHT?"
"Of course, I watched it!" Viktor's voice was a little defensive and sullen.
"Not live stream though. You just watched a video uploaded to YouTube."
"That was not a question."
"Of course not. I can't imagine you made yourself to actually care about me...I don't even dare to ask that you know I won the Junior world title yesterday... So I'm godamn tired, I just got home, and I wasted too much time on you anyway. I take Makkachin with me for my run."
Nina went to the fridge, pulled out a smoothie what she premade last night, and drank the half of it with one long sip, ignoring the artistically arranged food, what was on the table. When she reached for the coffee, Viktor grabbed her wrist.
"You are not even fifteen."
"Whatever." Nina pulled out her hand from the grip of the long, graceful fingers - which were just like hers, oh god, she resembled to Viktor on so many levels, so many goddamn levels... "You have no right to tell me what to do anyway." The girl gulped down the coffee as black as it was in the mug and headed back to her room.
"What about your breakfast?"
"If you think I'm going to eat that, you are a bigger fool than I ever imagined."
After she dressed, she whistled Makkachin to her and while she was tying her shoelaces, looked up to Viktor who was still standing in the kitchen, now a little lost.
"Till the time I get back, I don't want to see you here. I bring Makkachin back to you later today." She said on a hostile voice.
"Ninachka, a moment."
"What now?" The girl let out an annoyed sigh.
"Your clothes earlier, in what you were sleeping..."
"Yes?"
"Were those mines?"
"You recognize your own stuff, right?"
"Why are you...?"
"Those clothes soaked up your scent so deep, I can't wash it out... And there are nights when I feel so alone, that nothing else can help me." Nina answered bluntly. "Close the door behind you when you go."
"Again!" Zakhar yelled. "You couldn't even win a Junior bronze medal with this performance!"
The ice rink was dead empty at this time of the day - of course. Nina skated into the centre and stood in position. When the music started, she glided through the ice so gracefully and easy like if she would be some kind of wind-frost entity who can't exist in any other places, just where cold and blizzards are ruling. Nobody could tell she got back from Hungary yesterday night - thia day's dawn and sacked the gold at the Junior World Championship - just like she did last year. After her second jump, she heard a loud bang as someone closed a door, and a few more second later, she saw Viktor from the corner of her eye. The silver blonde Russian walked casually to the railing and leant against it, watching Nina's moves carefully.
"Okay, stop, stop!" Zakhar clapped, and Nina slowed down, looking at him, waiting for further instructions. Her coach walked to Viktor and looked down to him. He was taller, but much leaner than the other skater and while they were looking at each other, Nina got the feeling she is watching a kind of silent showdown between Belobog and Chernobog. The two always acted bitter towards each other - well, Zakhar was bitter for sure - but both of them admitted the other's competence and skills, putting aside personal preferences. Viktor stretched out himself, standing the piercing eyes of the other, pale and cold, like how on a clear day, the winter sun rains over everything, seemingly fragile, but still strong and unyielding; he was truly like the emperor of light... And Zakhar in front of him, was dark, heavy and so dangerously captivating, like the cursed, black god himself who reigned over every shadow, every night... Their eyes were battling, icy blue against dark honey...
"Hvatit!" As the word left her mouth, Nina covered her mouth with her hand and felt her cheeks are burning.
Zakhar shot a cold glance to her direction, but Viktor didn't even move.
"Vladislav, I want to talk with you about something." He said on a low voice.
"Yes, Nikiforov?"
"What are you actually doing with my sister?" The tension was so high between them, Nina was surprised the air didn't start to spit electrical sparks already. "When I met her earlier, she didn't even look at the food what I made for her, just drank some kind of nasty green juice, and counted that as a meal..."
Zakhar's eyebrows disappeared under his tousled mops hair, but there was a smug smile in the corner of his mouth.
"You say, she didn't eat what you made for her" his glance now was kind of satisfied when he looked at Nina "and you came to me" he continued "to complain? I don't think I'm the person in charge in regard of your quarrels... But if we are here... You went to her place around, let's say, four o'clock and I guess you made a full English breakfast or something like that... Well, let me explain. First, Nina can't eat something so heavy that early in the morning, because she feels nauseous, but you could know that, if you wouldn't decide to ignore her. Second, she went for a run, you really expected her to eat that much before? And third... You are one of the top skaters and it didn't crossed your mind that, god forbid, she might can have a meal plan and what you are doing is at least ignorant but more like, completely rude? Hm?"
"I want to see that plan."
"No. And I'm afraid, I need to ask you to leave now. You are interrupting Nina's training."
"I am her legal guardian!"
"Yes, but you signed the contract in which you stated that in every question related her, the last word is mine. So... Get. Out. Now."
"Ninachka, do you want me to leave? Am I a nuisance to you?" Viktor turned to the girl, who was still standing on the ice, her fists clenched. She didn't look at her brother and her whole head was read now, while tears were dancing in her eyes. She finally, slowly nodded yes.
"I see. I go now then." Viktor whistled Makkachin to himself and silently left the ice rink, while Nina was still gazing the clock on the wall, biting so strongly into her lower lip, it nearly started to bleed.
"Get yourself together!" Zakhar growled. "This is not how a professional acts!" When Nina didn't answer, the man snorted. "What? You want to go after him? Are you afraid we hurt his little feelings?"
"Enough!" The girl's voice was piercing. The look she gave her coach was so similar to her brother's just moments ago, they couldn't deny they are related, tossing beside their similar characteristics.
"Oh, stop being so overdramatic, Nina! We both know and you the best how he is! He always does that! Pops into your life causing mess and leaving nothing but confusion and heartbreak! You yourself told me that so many times, I can't even count!"
"You... You are right." Nina finally loosened her fingers and took a deep breath. "He is a good for nothing and it wouldn't be in my favour if I would leave my training because of something so childish."
"That's my golden girl." Zakhar smirked. "Then, from the top!"
"Wait, I forgot something!" Viktor jogged back, with a careless smile on his face. "I booked a table for us in PMI Bar tonight! Meet you at seven, don't be late!" He threw a kiss towards his sister and left again. "Be good milaya moya!"
"Boh na niebie... I can't believe that idiot..." Nina muttered as she shook her head.
Zakhar - who was also born Belarusian and moved to Russia just to pursue his skating career - , nodded in agreement.
"Tak. Jon idyjot."
Nina narrowed her eyes, but didn't comment further on what she thinks about that her coach talks like about her brother.
"Nishen'ka, dobriy vyecher! Dolgoye vremya ne videt' vas zdes'! Kak pazhivayesh?" Sergey gave her a flashing smile.
"Spaseeba preekrasna." Nina answered with a soft smile.
"Ti preekrahsnah vigleedeesh!" Boris added. Under her light coat, the girl was wearing a simple, black A line dress with long sleeves, her hair was made into a braid updo, and matched her outfit with black, flat, tight high boots and a silver-black clutch. In her neck, on a simple silver necklace, a little white gold pendant was hanging, forming a martyoshka doll. It was a present from Viktor when she moved into the family, and she was almost always wearing it since.
"Spaseeba..." She smiled again with a light blush and let both men to pull her into a big bear hugs and kiss her cheeks form both sides. The PMI bar back then, was kind of her and Viktor's regular place, they usually came here together, but nowdays, only the older Nikiforov could be seen there alone - Nina gave up after he didn't show up for the fifth times after he promised to come, and of these occasions was Nina's fourteenth birthday. "Is... Is my brother here?"
The brothers exchanged a look and the girl's stomach sank. She should have known...
"Doesn't matter." She shrugged like it was nothing. "I'm here already, so show me my table."
"Don't you want to... wait a little?"
"Why? You know too, there is high chance he is not going to show up... at all."
"But he sounded so enthusiastic this time..."
"He is always enthusiastic." In that moment, somebody tapped the girl's shoulder and when she turned, she found herself between two arms.
"Sorry for making you wait!" Viktor kissed his sister's forehead, shook hands with the Kostuchenko brothers and happily accepted the 'welcome vodka' from the owners. "Come, come..." He put an arm around Nina's shoulder and led her upstairs to the rooftop. After they sat down and the older Nikiforov started his martini, he leaned back in his seat and looked at the view.
"Ah, Tserkovʹ Spasa na Krovi... Kakoy prekrasnyy vid... Odin iz lyubimykh."
"Indeed." Nina agreed as she was playing with her gin. "One of my favourites too." Viktor was always very attentive about his sister and alcohol together, but from time to time he let Nina have something small, or try something if she was curious - one result of this was that the girl hated even the smell of beer, because he let her try it when she was eight years old.
"So what is this about?" She asked after she set the glass back to the table.
"Can't a brother invite his little sister to dinner?" Viktor asked on a light tone.
"Brothers? Yes... But you... Never. It has to be something very important about YOU, because you wouldn't show up in any other case."
"You really have a very low opinion about me, don't you? Even though I'm your precious older brother..." Viktor finished his drink and nodded to a waiter who was standing not far from them.
"Half-brother." Nina stated. "And you can thank that all solely for yourself. Plus, not precious. More like an annoying, spoiled, little pric-"
"Shhh!" Viktor pressed his index finger onto the girl's lips. "Watch it! A lady shouldn't speak like that." The girl rolled her eyes, but before she could oppose, the waiter appeared and put several places down in front of them. "Ah, great!" Viktor looked very pleased as he looked over the food.
"And this is for you." The waiter put a cup of chamomile tea in front of Nina. There was a little paper on the saucer, saying 'we still keep chamomile just for you'. The girl smiled at the message and put it into her clutch.
"Why did you order half of the menu?" She criticised Viktor, who was already eating.
"It's just the appetizer..."
"WHAT?"
There were quite a lot on the table for appetizers: a cheese plate, antipasti - what the older Nikiforov was already eating, - octopus tentacles with potato fondant, duck paste in raspberry jelly, burrata with tomatoes, quail dumplings with parmesan and ravioli with king crab. Nina took a sip from her tea - it was sweetened with honey and had a few drops of lemon, just like how she loved it - and shook her head.
"This is crazy... Just because you have the money, it's not the..."
"It's not about the money." Viktor cut in her sentence. "I asked the octopus especially for you..." He pushed the plate gently towards his sister. "Eat up." When Nina just pressed her lips together with a stern look he sighed and added, "Please."
"I'm not hungry... Already had dinner before I came here.
"Why?" Viktor pouted. He seemed hurt.
Nina let out a dry, short laugh.
"You really asked that? My god, you are really an ignorant prick... Let's see, how I need put it for you to understand too..." the girl pretended she is thinking. "Shortly, it's because every time when we should have met here, you set me up!" She stood up, drank her remained tea and turned away from the table. "I had enough from this for one night... I was an idiot for coming here. I'm going home."
"Wait!" Viktor jumped up from his seat too, and grabbed his sister's arm. The girl shuddered and tore herself out from the man's fingers.
"Don't just touch me!"
Viktor immediately pulled back his arm and clenched his fingers.
"Nina-"
To that, the girl froze. Viktor never called her on her 'normal' name, just when it was about something serious.
"...Yes?"
"I'm really worried about you."
"Excuse me... you really what?"
"Worried about you!"
Nina nearly started to laugh.
"Wow, that's really something! Viktor Nikiforov trying to look farer, than his own reflection! No way... For a moment, I thought it's going to be about something important... But you never fail to disappoint me."
"You think that's funny?"
"Actually, it's hilarious... especially, because it's not true."
"Nin..."
"Save it." The girl held up her hand. "We both know you don't care about me. Maybe you were, but those times are long gone. Please, let's just stop this pretending, I get too much of that shit on a daily basis anyway... I don't know what happened now, why you want to play 'big brother' suddenly, but frankly, I don't give a damn beyond that it's really annoying. At least, when you didn't give a fuck nor about me, nor about what you promised to me, you were honest. But, okay, for the arguments sake, let's say, your intentions are genuine this time..." Nina could hardly hold back her tears now. "I'm sorry, but you can't make those years just 'not happened' with two kind words and the invasion of my privacy at dawn. It not works like that. It's just doesn't. I can't and I won't afford myself to get crushed by you again!"
"Then... What do you want me to do?" The girl didn't see her brother so serious since... She couldn't even tell when.
"God damnit, if you don't even presume what you are doing it wrong, just leave this hanging... My senior debut is more than enough for me; I don't have the time or energy for this!"
"Your senior debut?" Viktor tilted his head to the side a little with a questioning look. "But you are only fourteen..."
"You are fucking not serious..." Nina was thunderstruck. "Right? Viktor... you are joking... Tell me you are joking..."
"Why?" Viktor's smile was so crushing the girl couldn't help, she started laughing so hard even a few tears ran down her face.
"I can't... I can't even..." She was gasping, and for a moment, it crossed the young man's head if his sister is alright. "You are really a something, Vik..."
"You didn't call me 'Vik' since ages!" The older Nikiforov's eyes widened with joy.
"Don't be so arrogant to think only you can give people nicknames, idiot..." Nina jolted back into her chair, pulled the octopus in front of her and stick a tentacle onto her fork. "At least you remembered what I like." She added on a half sour-half joking tone.
Viktor's face was so painfully delighted that Nina almost felt ashamed while she was eating.
After the appetizers, the salads arrived, one with tomatoes, red onion and basil, another with seafood and a third one with prawn and grilled pineapple. The girl swooped the last one before her brother could move and grinned at him.
"That's mine, Nikiforov."
After a few minutes of eating in silence, an another glass arrived for Viktor, this time with whiskey in it, and an orange-apple-carrot juice for Nina. The younger Nikiforov couldn't even take a sip from her drink when Viktor already finished his alcohol and ordered the next round.
"Sure that's going to be okay?" Nina was following with her eyes how Viktor was sloshing his drink slowly around the glass.
"Of course..." The young man took a cautious sip. "But now, let's speak about something more important."
"Important?"
"I don't want to see you ever doing that jump combination again what you did at the Youth Olympics! Ninachka... A quadruple Salchow with three triple Toe loops? Did you lose your mind? You are fourteen years old!"
"Almost fifteen... And what this has to do with my age?" Nina shrugged like she doesn't care, but she started to have a bad feeling about where the conversation was heading. "I can land it, so I'm doing it. i did it at the World Junior too, so you really didn't watch that. I knew."
"It's not the point! You are overstretching your body way too much! I don't know what you are doing with Vladislav, but you are just a bag of rattling bones and skin! You clearly don't have the energy to jump doubles and you are pressing a crazy combination like that... This is not healthy!"
"You are not my coach," The girl answered coldly "so you have no word in this matter."
"But I'm your brother! Ninachka, please, listen to me... I know exactly what you are going trough and I'm just trying to help."
"You don't have the slightest idea of what I'm going trough!" Nina snapped. "How could you even imagine? Mommy's and daddy's golden boy, on the top of the skating world by sixteen, adored by everyone since you first stepped into the goddamn ice rink... And who am I? Nothing more than YOUR little sister, the SECOND Nikiforov... Doesn't matter that I'm as good as you, I'll always be the illegitimate child, who was never wanted by anyone... I lived in your shadow all my life, so don't give me this 'I know your feelings' shit!"
"NINA!" Viktor was left speechless. "Nina-" He repeated, not being able to say anything else.
"What now? You want to comfort me, telling it's not true?" The girl rolled her eyes and let out a short, dry laugh which almost sounded like a sob. "Oh, spear me your lies and excuses, especially because there was not a single occasion when you could sell me one!"
"Don't be so tad overdramatic..." Viktor mumbled.
"Overdramatic?" Nina's voice slipped into a higher register. "So you think this is all just me being overdramatic?"
"One part, yes."
"And the other part?"
"Well," the young man gulped down his drink before he started to continue "you are a mistake, even if it's only-"
The sharp sound of the slap echoed in the air, lingering between the siblings. Nina blushed with anger for a moment, then turned pale again as she covered her mouth with her hand, just realizing what she did. Two pair of ice blue eyes met for a moment and looked away, not knowing what to say or do anymore. Nina lowered her hand and started to chew her lower lip, at the same time, Viktor seemed stern too.
"Vik-" She started, but her brother cut into her sentence.
"I think you showed enough how deeply you despise me. There is no need to continue, really, nor for me, nor for you. You should go home now."
Viktor's words were calm and collected, but they had such a sharp edge, Nina surprised her skin isn't bleeding. She nodded, collected her clutch and left without wasting even a breath to try and resolve the situation. The older Nikiforov followed his sister with his gaze as she disappeared and tried to ignore the ugly squeeze in his chest.
Nina couldn't really recall how she got home, but suddenly she was there, stumbling across the corridor, dropping her keys several times before she could finally open the lock. She didn't even take her coat off, just slammed the door, leant against it and slowly slipped onto the floor. Her breathing was ragged and after a few silent moments, she finally started to cry in uneven, muffled sobs to prevent the whole neighbourhood from hearing it.
They really fucked up this time.
Both of them.
bayushki bayu - an expression to lull a baby to sleep [Russian]
ny ty i suka - son of a bitch [Belarusian]
hauno - shit [Belarusian]
milaya moya - my sweet [Russian]
s dobrym utrom - good morning [Russian]
Belobog and Chernobog: They were counterparts, Belobog was believed to be the white god, ruler of sun and all things good, ruling the 'lighter part' of the year - spring and summer - while Chernobog was the dark/black, cursed god, ruling autumn and winter.
hvatit - stop (when something is enough, or want to f.e. stop somebody who talks too much) [Russian]
PMI bar: /en
Boh na niebie- God in heaven [Belarusian]
tak - yes [Bealrusian]
jon idyjot - he is an idiot [Belarusian]
Sergey and Boris Kostuchenko are the owners of the PMI Bar.
Dobriy vyecher! Dolgoye vremya ne videt' vas zdes'! Kak pazhivayesh? - Good evening! Long time no see you here! How are you? [Russian]
Spaseeba preekrasna. - Fine, thanks. [Russian]
Ti preekrahsnah vigleedeesh! - You look lovely! [Russian]
Spaseeba... - Thanks... [Russian]
Tserkovʹ Spasa na Krovi - Church of the Savior on Blood wiki/Church_of_the_Savior_on_Blood
Kakoy prekrasnyy vid - what a sight [Russian]
odin iz lyubimykh - one of my favourites [Russian]
