Disclaimer: I do not own Xena, if I did, it would have jumped the shark way too early. :P
Summary: This story revisits the Xena episode "Finns, Femmes, and Gems". There was a rumor that the original script called for Gabrielle's obsession to be Xena instead of Gabrielle being obsessed with herself. Some humor will be involved.
Warning: There will be content of sexual nature.
Subtext: Of Course!
Chapter 1: Aphrodite's Curses
Angered at the mortals' statements in her temple Aphrodite determined a fun way to deter them from retrieving the Mystic Diamond. She pulled out her perfume creation called "Obsession" and treated the mortals to a few puffs. The perfume would make them obsessed with whatever they were looking at, at the time of the puff. As a result Xena now had a double obsession for fishing. Joxer was now obsessed with being Attus, the ape man. Gabrielle, who looked at Xena at the time, had a healthy obsession for Xena.
Xena had a sudden urge to go fishing. All she could think about was fish!fish!fish! Fish of all sizes, colors, slickness. She wanted to catch them, eat them, and touch them.
Succeeding to push those thoughts aside, for the task at hand, Xena announced,"Gabrielle, Joxer! That diamond needs to get back in the sky, if not, it could lead to many travel disasters!"
She rushed out of Aphrodite's temple and insisted her companions follow suit.
"First things first, we need to fish! Meet me at the lake one hundred cubits from here." Xena threw her chakram far away, against a rock on a mountain top. The rock was pushed off its tight fit and went rolling down the mountainside. It caused a rock slide of epic proportions that would block the warlord with the diamond when he ran into it.
Joxer, upon seeing foreign materials upon his frame, began to pull and tear at the clothing on his body. Not knowing what a button or what clothes were, he was puzzled by its tenacity to stay on his body. He growled loudly while resorting to ripping as much off his body as possible and disappearing into the forest.
Gabrielle, who looked in the direction of where Joxer had burst into the forest, stated, "I think something is wrong. You two are acting very strange." Gabrielle said as she turned to face Xena.
Now that she was facing Xena, Gabrielle's vision blurred. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. In her view was the most amazing creature she had ever lay her eyes upon. Observing Xena from her head to her toes, Gabrielle was in complete awe.
"Dear Gods, I must be in heaven, why did I never realize" she muttered. Xena who was rushing quickly towards the lake, noticed Gabrielle lagging.
"Come on Gabrielle! We have no time to waste!" Xena yelled behind her.
"She spoke to me!," Gabrielle exclaimed and skipped and hopped to obey.
As Xena was adjusting her flying parchment, Gabrielle sat behind her taking in the view of Xena's finer rear features.
Gabrielle sighed in contentment and said, "isn't it beautiful? All the dimples and curves?"
Bothered by the strange descriptions of her flying parchment, Xena remarked, "It's not supposed to dimple or curve, I need it to stay still up there. Do me a favor and tug on that line, the clip is supposed to release when it's tugged."
Gabrielle who was still watching Xena's 'finer points' responded, "No thanks! I'm quite busy." as she drooled at her mouth watering subject.
Xena realized something was wrong. The way her friend was leering and undressing her with her eyes was not quite right. She decided to use it to her advantage.
She batted her eyelashes and said,"Oh Gabrielle! Be a sweetie and grab that line!"
Xena cajoled while puffing her chest and bending over, revealing a tantalizing view of cleavage to Gabrielle.
"Yes Ma'am," Gabrielle responded while jumping up and grabbing the line. The parchment came flopping down on top of them.
"Needs adjustments." Xena grumbled.
