Disclaimer: I gain no profit and do not own Death Note. Based of the way that any memories connected with Kira are missing or vague, like Misa not remembering how she learned Light's name.

5pm

His father would probably be leaving work around now, that left him an hour before Sayu's daily plea for homework help. Light Yagami opened the magazine. He tried to keep his breathing as steady as possible.

One, two, three. One, two, three.

He studied the exposed skin trying to fake an interest when all he felt was disgust. How long did the average teenage boy spend looking at each page of a porn magazine. He rested his fingers on the edge of the page, that had been long enough surely. He turned over. Was L watching him right now? Was his father?

One, two, three. One, two, three.

In through the nose, out through the mouth. He felt a blush rising to his cheeks, flushing was a symptom of arousal. He knew what most teenage boys did after looking at porn, surely L wouldn't watch that. His father wouldn't but he'd have to go all the way just in case L did keep watching.

One, two. Three.

In one swift movement he rose, snapping the magazine shut and sweeping into the bathroom. He turned the shower on and the lights down as low as they could go. Between the steam and the dimness any normal camera would show only the vaguest of images. He stripped, then stepped into the shower.

One, two...Three.

He touched himself. He wasn't getting any harder. His father surely be on his way home by now. L wouldn't watch, he wouldn't. Light started up a quick rhythm, he just had to get it over quickly.

One. Two. Three.

All over, all over. He turned his face up into the steady stream of water. He wasn't crying, he was Kira, Kira never cried. He stayed in the shower for as long as he dared. The mist would quickly dissipate and it would be suspicious to get dressed without being able to see clearly.

One, two...three.

He pulled on his clothes after only the most cursory towelling off. Completely over. Light's father was late home that night. Light tried to act normal. He made an effort not to look too closely at his father, but there was something a little different about his eyes.

Five months later.

L had bugged their house. L had spied upon him and his family. The smile L gave him when he was told that he hadn't monitored the women of the household whilst they showered meant something. But Light was tired and the memory seemed dim but it still left a feeling of unease. He just rolled over and went to sleep. Then Ryuzaki was poised over him. Apparently the insomniac thought that two hours of sleep per night was sufficient. He aimed a glare at L. "Would Light-kun like a shower? To relax him..." Then L gave that smile again and was disappointed when Light didn't react. L leant in. "Light-kun is free to turn down the lights, and take his time if he has any...problems." It rose up with startling clarity for something he had so easily forgotten. Light had touched himself in the shower, L had been watching him at all times. He swung for L and they fought until the task force arrived. "Light-kun is a little frustrated, he should take a nice cool shower to calm down." Light obeyed, it would be strange not to.