Disclaimer: Don't own Schu, don't own the Weiß Kreuz universe, all I own in may crappy writing skills. -.-;... Notes: Gah, it's basically Schu's inner monolouge...

Virtual Insanity

Another day in this messed up life, in the messed up world, in this messed up mind. Odd how one can think in that way about themselves isn't it.or is it not? Do you think like that? Do you think every day that somewhere along the line; you lost your sanity? Or that you can't even tell if it was there at all? That sometimes you turn the music full blast just to feel the bass through the floor and echoing in your eardrums.just to see if you can still hear it? Well maybe not, and you delude yourself to think you do it because you like it. While your body screams in pain from the noise your mind keeps telling you that you enjoy it. No.you wouldn't know? Do you feel that silence in your mind sometimes? When everything is just perfect with the world? Like when you are in the middle of the woods without a soul around for miles.that silence? I don't. It's scary. You all take it for granted, take that silence. I can tell you do.because I can hear you thinking it. Not the voice, the tone rather slips through my mind as it does yours. Yea yea, you are now wondering if I'm insane or something right? I could be, who knows. I sure don't. I watch you all walk down the street, that static in my mind. The static caused by so many minds talking at once. It can cause hate; it can cause pain, lots of pain. It can cause you to loose yourself in them. To go in too deep and forget who YOU are. Then again.if you deal with this for too long you already forget it. You thrive on them, you need them, you hate them. You would do anything for silence. That silence.that everyone takes for granted. It tears at me; I wish for it, I crave it. I never will receive it.only secondhand. You grow to dislike them after a while.when the voices become clearer you loose more and more of what respect you had for them. You realize that there isn't anything of interest in there. There never was. Just millions of people with their petty angst. Then there is me with my own petty angst. I don't deny it's petty. Everyone's is petty in the end, their dreams that I see, their futures I can't. They deep inside all want to be noticed all want to stand out from the normal mold they have cast themselves in. To be themselves. At least they have that. You do don't you? You know who you are, you know that much. You loose yourself in them.slowly. It's like killing yourself with no choice in the matter. It rips at your sanity, tears it to shreds. You say there must be a way to get that silence I crave.they all do. What they never realize is, the ways to get them you are still killing yourself. At least those ways you have control over it though. Would I want that way? Would I? No.I want to have control, but I would rather live through it. See, I'm not like you. I would never resort to killing myself willingly. All of them would.they would end their lives if it all went wrong.if suddenly everything went wrong, and they shatter. I see it in their minds, in their eyes. I never thought I would get that silence.I never did. I thought I could never deserve it. I deserve it even less by this point, guilty of everything that I could be. Then I found silence.