Scorned
EPOV"Heaven forbid you end up alone and you don't know why."
"I don't know how you expect to get better if you continue you this adolescent behaviour."
Those were the words spoken to be by my mother, Esme, and my sister, Alice, when they picked me up from Forks Police Station this morning. It was no secret that I was a "bad boy"; it was a well-known fact in this town, mainly because there are no secrets in Forks. I constantly wound up spending my nights with the good officers of Forks after a drinking binge, or speeding. On my nights off I went there anyway to play poker with the boys. We now were, and have been for a while, on a first name basis. I would normally come in with Dave or Charlie, the chief of this lovely establishment, the boys would ask me what I was in for this time and then we'd sit in the break room playing poker, drinking coffee (to sober me up and keep them up) and talk like old buddies the rest of the night. They were the only people that had a faint knowledge of why I was like this now, although none of them knew completely. That was something that I would never disclose to anyone. It hit too close to home, was too personal. No even my twin sister, Alice, knew the reason for my current downward spiral.
"How do you expect to even attract women when you reek of alcohol, look like you've never seen the inside of a shower, haven't had a good haircut, let alone shaved, in months, and have a constant scowl on your face. If I wasn't your sister I wouldn't go near you with a ten foot pole." Alice said.
Honestly, attracting women was the last thing on my mind. I did that once and this is where it god me; severely depressed and basking in self-loathing. Women were not to be admired; they were to be avoided at all costs. All they did was manipulate you into thinking that you loved them and vice-versa, only to leave a note saying they destroyed the one thing that meant the world to you and that they were leaving to Paris with your 54 year old doctor.
At 23 I was destroyed by a woman and vowed to never again put myself in that vulnerable position. Never again would I let my walls down and let a woman in. Never again would I get my life destroyed and my heart broken.
BPOVI walked into that room a woman "in love" and walked out a woman scorned. I was deceived into thinking that I was the centre of his world. We lived together for 6 months, dated for a year prior to me moving in, and newly engaged. We were talking about marriage and children. The house in the suburbs with a white picket fence, 2.5 kids, and a golden retriever. How had I gone from being so close to the "American Dream", to a woman cheated on by the man I loved, and homeless in less than 30 seconds? How long had I lived that lie? How had I not seen the signs? The late nights at work, constantly "hanging with the guys" on evenings and weekends, not answering his phone or returning phone calls, the constant last minute cancellation of our dates. How foolish had I been to think that I was getting the thing every girl dreamed of: a happily ever after.
"It was bound to happen Bells. I mean if you weren't going to put out than I had to go somewhere else to get it. I gave you your chance. A guy can only hold off for so long before he has to look in other places."
He said it as if it were the most obvious reason in the world and like he had done nothing wrong. Like cheating on your fiancé was completely normal and I should just live with it. There was no "its not what it looks like" or him begging me for forgiveness, forgiveness was something to be expected because I wouldn't "put out". His expected forgiveness was never going to come. Cheating was not something I could just brush off like it never happened. I was no longer going to give in to the wills of a man. Gone was the shy, naive girl that believed in Prince Charming and happily ever after. The girl here now was no longer a girl, she was a woman, and she was never going to succumb to the desires of a man again. She was going to be independent, confident and take full control of her life instead of having a man control it for her. I am going to be that woman and I am going to fight tooth and nail to achieve that.
