I am so disappointed in myself for writing this. I'm only putting more work on myself, so I suppose I enjoy pain. I've been disappointed in the lack of postseason 6x10 fics so I decided to write one. I can't say that I will be able to update my other fics consistently now since this fic will become my main focus and priority. In good news, Bad Before Good only has one chapter left and Brighter as We Fall only has a couple left.
In this story, everything is canon except Dan being GG. There are too many plot holes and I don't know how to explain Dan being GG. It makes no sense unless he's a sociopath. This fic is pretty dark and emotional, there isn't much banter. It's different because all the characters are much older.
Numbness was just a part of her day now. Sometimes, she would overhear gossip of people comparing her to a Stepford Housewife. Before she would've been angry, but now she doesn't feel, so it didn't matter. All she cared about was taking some vicodine and going on with her day.
Everything was in control of her husband. From when they were to be married to when they were allowed to have their child. It was always whenever he had the time. Of course, she knew sacrifice was going to be a big part of their relationship, but she didn't think there would ever be a time when she wouldn't love him.
They would have dinner with Henry, who was obviously on the path of becoming a mess. Dinner would always be quiet because her and Chuck really didn't have much in common. They could talk about their day, but that only drives the conversation so far and it's quite a bore to talk about work. Her relationship was beginning to remind her of Lily's and Bart's.
She would reminisce about High School and College, when her and Chuck would scheme, then have amazing sex, but those days were long gone. It wasn't the same when obstacles weren't in their way. It was just her and Chuck, and the words epic love, but they turned out to be only words, and had no substance in them.
She began taking painkillers when the sex wasn't the same. He seemed tired of having sex with the same woman, and she just wasn't in the mood anymore. There wasn't any thrill to it. When the sex ended, so did their marriage. It officially became just for appearances now.
Her days were consumed with drinking, popping pills, and working. She would work into the late hours, not willing to give up her power in the relationship. She hated it because she knew she was sacrificing her child's future, but her and Chuck had to be equals, otherwise their relationship would be over. That was what the pact was all about.
Sometimes she would cry looking over her wedding pictures, thinking of how special she always wanted her wedding to be, but instead she decided to get married so she couldn't testify against Chuck. It was nothing special and she would never be able to give Henry a great anecdote about it, or most of the things in their marriage. She would never want her child to become like her or Chuck.
XOXOXOXO
She's 27 when Chuck was on the brink of hitting her. He never touched her, but he was close. They were both on edge and she was tired of Henry's bad behavior. Chuck was drunk and tired of her accusing him of being a bad father. She called him a murder and he called her a conniving bitch. It only escalated until she finally ran out of the townhouse, looking for somewhere warm to stay.
Not to her surprise, it was raining. She was sitting in the limo, staring at the little droplets on her window while her driver waited for the address. She could head for Nate's, but he couldn't be there for her the way she needed him to be. He was too close to Chuck. Serena was out of town, but it didn't matter anyway, the blonde always pushed her towards Chuck. Now that she's older and looks back on it, Nate and Serena were never there for her in the way they should've been. That boy who's name she will never mention to anyone was the only person who got her out of the funk she was in after being traded for a hotel. Nate witnessed her running out of the Empire after the scar Chuck accidently left, but never said a bad thing to her about Chuck. She couldn't blame them, they were a selfish group of friends and there wasn't any point in taking sides.
She sighed at thought of his name. She was 23 when she realized Dan was her only friend because who the hell would want to be friends with her. It's why her and Serena have been friends for so long. She tried to reach out to him once, when she was lonely and bored. There wasn't anyone who was willing to watch a subtitled movie with her, or go to the museum, or even make her laugh. She called Dan and asked him to come over, but he cordially declined, telling her he was busy working on his book. She never called him again, knowing he would have preferred it that way.
"Mrs. Bass," the driver said, interrupting her thoughts as she could hear the rain splatter outside her limo. "Have you decided yet?"
"Yes…Take me to Mr. Humphrey's please."
Whenever she was down and desperately needed to feel again, she would read Inside and think about what she could've become. She reads the way Dylan loved Clair and can't help but feel her heart warm. It's the only thing that made her feel, but then reality would strike and she would have to come back to the real world.
Dan really loved Serena and they had an amazing relationship. Serena was always glowing and her smile never left. Dan would take her around on vacation all the time. He would receive long breaks after he finished writing, or he could take Serena to somewhere like Rome with him and continue to write there. They didn't have any kids, meaning they had flexible schedules. Chuck and her never have time to go on vacation, and if they did, it was never long enough. Whenever they would leave the country, she enjoyed the culture and history of the places they visited, but Chuck would get bored easily. Chuck enjoyed dining, watching television, or just drinking.
The car stopped abruptly and she finally reached Dan's penthouse in the Upper East Side. She reached the lobby and entered Dan's elevator, thinking about how Serena would slide her hand underneath his coat jacket, giving him a loving smile. Her heart ache's thinking of the image.
It's so difficult to be in love with someone from afar
Once the elevator opened, she stepped into the foyer and saw Dan, waiting for her in a plaid flannel, folding his arms across his chest and giving her a lopsided smile.
"What can I do for you Waldorf?"
His mouth opened when a tear slid down across her cheek. His brows knitted in worry and he rushed over to her side, wrapping an arm around her waist. Her weight dropped on his body and he led them into the living room to sit on his sofa.
"What happened," Dan asked softly
She turned her head, knowing she probably looked awful, and met his eyes. "Chuck and I just had a fight…It was bad." She swallowed, feeling a lump in her throat. "We both said some awful things to each other and it became dangerously close to becoming physical."
Dan's eyes hardened. "He didn't touch you did he?" Blair shook her head in response. "Okay…You can stay here for as long as you need."
"Thank you," Blair said softly
Dan's lips curled slightly and nodded. She leaned her head back into his chest and began crying. It led him to probe her with more questions and she told him everything as he ran his fingers through her hair.
Henry had become quite a troublemaker. The teacher scolded him for continuously pinching one of his classmates, but unfortunately, her son didn't take it well. He went to the corner of the room, slid his pants down, and left Mrs. Hines a present.
"You can't be serious," Dan said trying to control himself from laughing.
She pulled away from his chest and looked up to meet his beautiful brown eyes. "Humphrey, he has anger issues and he's obviously crying for attention."
"So give it to him," Dan told her
"It's not that simple." She leaned back on to Dan's chest, with him holding her
"If you love him, it is."
"You of all people should know I don't have a heart."
"Then why did you fight with Chuck today," Dan pointed out
"It's the only noble thing I've done in years," Blair confessed, rubbing her thumb across his hand which was placed on her stomach.
"You can't tell me you don't love your son," Dan said
She intertwined her hand with the hand on her waist. "I'm sorry to disappoint, but I don't feel much anymore."
She closed her eyes and felt a soft kiss on her head.
She's awoken to the scent of bacon. After cleaning herself up, they have a quiet breakfast which took a run for the worst once he showed her the pill bottles he found in her purse. She was furious at first, but she simmered down eventually. He held her so tightly that she couldn't imagine ever escaping his grasp, not that she would ever want to.
The rest of the day was filled with movies they haven't seen together. She knew Chuck was probably worried and she was being irresponsible to Henry, but she's always been a selfish person. Being alone with Dan was exactly what she needed.
The day passed and she took another day off from work. Her body was giving up on her because it had become dependent on those pills. She might have exaggerated on how weak she was and asked Dan to bathe her, but she just wanted to feel his touch on her skin.
He helped her into the tub filled with warm water and covered with bubbles. As Blair was lying on her back, he sat by her side.
"Why are you being so nice to me," Blair asked
"When have I never been there for you," Dan asked back
She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. "I am so sorry for the way I treated you."
Dan smiled. "You don't have to apologize. I thought we were fine."
It hurt so much to hear him being satisfied with them just being mere acquaintances.
"Dan…I need you in my life," Blair told him and placed her hand on his cheek. "I was so stupid for doing what I did."
She always needed Dan, she was just too immature to realize it. She changed so much after she chose Chuck. The only thing on her mind was how great High School was and it made her forget about the future.
XOXOXOXO
Everything changed after that day. She went to rehab and got herself cleaned up. Dan was there every step of the way, along with Serena. She gave up on Waldorf Designs to devout more of her time with Henry. Dan was constantly there for Henry as well, treating him like a son. If Serena minded, it never showed.
It took Dan some time to warm up to her, but they eventually fell back into place and became close friends again. He was her best friend but she didn't think she could say the same for him.
Dan's 29 when he filed for divorce. It came as a shock and a bomb was dropped in the Upper East Side. Serena didn't have a clue as to why he was leaving her, she thought they were happy. Unfortunately, this news was dropped on her birthday and Dan didn't attend her party because he didn't want to create any unnecessary drama.
"So how would you rate your birthday," Dan asked entering her kitchen, startling her as she was putting the cake back in the fridge.
"Chuck didn't remember, but that turned out to be good thing," Blair told him, stepping closer in her gold floor length dress.
Dan's lip curved slightly as he leaned his shoulder against the doorframe of the kitchen. "Wow… he's quite a catch."
She smiled lightly and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear.
"I'm leaving tonight," Dan said
She looked up to meet his eyes. "Why?"
"I just feel like I lost myself. In our marriage, Serena's been happy, but I just feel like I settled. Like there was nothing better out there for me."
"I didn't realize you weren't happy," Blair said and squeezed his hand
Dan's lip formed into a smile. "I'm not miserable Blair. I felt content with Serena, but it's not the type of love I imagined myself marrying into when I was younger."
"So what are you saying Dan?"
"I've loved someone more than Serena before, and that's the type of love I want," Dan explained and she swallowed hard. Dan began stepping back and gave her a warm smile. "Happy Birthday Blair."
Dan turned his heels, picked up the duffel bag on the floor, and left.
As she walked past the living room, her eyes caught sight of a large gift wrapped box on the coffee table. The birthday card on top of the box was from Dan. She carefully unwrapped the gift wrap and it unraveled the most beautiful Vintage Victorian Dollhouse she had ever set her eyes on. It was pinkish white house and the inside was very detailed with furniture.
After that day, no one had heard from Dan. The only sign of Dan was his lawyers. Eventually, everything fell into place and was normal again. She would hold events and parties, fighting with herself to smile, pretending to be happy.
I'll only continue this fic if I receive enough reviews because I have so many other fics I still have left to finish.
