One day I was sitting minding my own business , in my office eating breakfast when all of a sudden Samus walked up to my desk.
"What can I do for you?" I asked Samus.
"I want you to take them out, Lucas." Samus demanded.
"Take who out?" I asked curiously while fixing my eyes for a brief moment on Samus's 'assets' before she noticed.
"Ninja Theory Lucas, they bastardized me." Samus snapped.
"And I give a damn, why?" I asked.
"I'll give you a flat screen with a PS3?" Samus replied.
"Nope." I breifly replied.
"…A plasma with a PS3, Xbox 360, a Wii and a WiiU?"
"Close but no cigar." I taunted as I wathced Samus snap with desperation and looked me sternly in the eyes before saying, "I'll not only give you the plasma screen T.V with all the systems I mentioned before , I'll provide you with that tape and pay off all of your debts for a month plus," Samus then put her face on my shoulder making her mouth near my ear before whispering very seductivley, "Something Special."
I then got out of my seat replying to Samus saying "It's a done freaking deal." before I walked out of my office when all of a sudden Master Hand came in.
"Lucas I-" Master hand started to say, even though he was a floating hand believe me I still struggle to figure out how the hell he could talk, anyway back to the main story.
"Yes finish your sentence." I said.
"I-I wanted to let you know that my new office is very good Lucas even though you stole my office and gave me a run down piece of crap but hey it's your idea." Master Hand said.
"It's yours for now until I kill Wario and get an actual Office." I said before I kicked open the door and proceeded down the mansion until I found Captan Falcon.
"Falcon, I need your ride, now!" I demanded.
"Okay just don't hurt me again." begged Captan Falcon, as he handed over his keys because he didn't want me to use my awesome Psi powers to scramble his 'falcons eggs' for the one hundredth time, most of which was blocking my view of Samus in the shower. Anyway I took them from his hand before blasting him out the window.
"Owwwwww!" Howled Captan Falcon as I walked away to the garage where his ride was waiting. Without any Hesitation, I jumped into the car, put the key in ignition, smoked a cuban cigar, threw it out which landed on Mario's face.
'Fuck that shitty plumber.' I thought to myself as I watched Mario scream various things about me before I backed up the Blue Falcon and hit his 'mushrooms' repeatedly while I laughed.
Author's Note Here is my entry for Lady Paprika's contest which I hope to god goes very well anyway, If my characterization Lucas becomes Duke Nukem (The Forever Version), I'm sorry.
Anyway I hope you enjoy this and hopefully don't kill me for this.
