Y
Let me get this straight.
I'm not a fan of romance, and I'll never be one in the future. I find it hard to believe that high school students think they can find romance in their teenage years. It's completely unrealistic, the chances of finding your 'significant other' during this age is so slim, fat people envy it.
But they refuse to accept it.
Why?
It's because human beings are delusional creatures. They trick themselves into thinking that love is just around the corner, that they are fated to find love no matter what the circumstances are, that love is like those they find in trashy novels. Love and romance became commercialized, and the dullards fell for it.
I hated romance, I hated love and anything else connected to the two.
Now I'm not saying that I'm morally superior to them. I was once like them, in the sense that I too believed in teenage romance. But all of that changed, whether it was for the better or for the worst. After the initial change of my screwed up morality I began to detest the two. People tried to change my view on it, but that only strengthened my hate for it. There was nothing remotely romantic in my life.
At least that was what I thought.
It was around four months before my high school graduation when two girls confessed their feelings to me. No girl had ever fallen in love with me before, let alone two. I always thought I'd never get confessed to in my life, and yet here I am, facing two teary eyed girls on the brink of bawling out on the floor. I knew they had feelings for me, there were signs, and I just didn't know whether theirs was romantic or platonic. So I had to make choice, even though I didn't want to.
Two roads diverged, one twisted and cold, the other straight but led to a cliff. Both straying away from the other. If I chose one the other would be left behind, and that would be the end of their friendship, our dynamic.
Destroy in order to gain.
I didn't like it, not one bit. Yes, I'm a hypocrite, after all those times I criticized Hayama's efforts in keeping the status quo of his group intact, I found myself in the same situation. Well, his was fake and mine, as far as I know, is real.
I didn't want it to end like this, so I chose none. Instead of choosing a road to walk on, I decided to walk backwards from whence I came. It was the most logical thing that came to my mind at the time. I thought that it was better if they stayed friends, than one being with me and the other left out to rot. I knew that neither could take being left behind.
But I could.
I removed myself from the equation. They ended up staying friends and I, I was left to my lonesome. It was okay though, I was used to being alone. People said I would regret it, and regret it I did. But the thought of what it could have been did not overcome what it is now. Yeah sure, their relationship with each other was strained but it was still there, and that is better than nothing. I'm sure both of them are not happy with the situation, and so was I. But I convinced myself that it was for the best.
Graduation came. The day went as smoothly as I hoped it would be. Nothing really happened, a couple of ceremonies here and there, you know, the usual stuff. People were exchanging greetings, hugging and crying. While everyone was in groups and doing whatever normies do, I was near the exit, alone. Being an antisocial pariah I continued to wallow in loneliness during this time of celebration. I quickly made my way through the exit, hoping to avoid any unwanted attention, but alas, that didn't work. On my way out I was blocked by a couple of people, people I didn't want to see. No, I didn't want to see them because of hatred, it was quite the opposite really.
"Hikki…"
"Hikigaya-kun…"
They both said with longing.
I don't wanna deal with this right now.
"Make it quick." I replied with a commanding voice.
"Umm… Hikki you see… Yukinon and I wanted to congratulate you on umm… graduating." Yuigahama said while looking down and twiddling her fingers. I turned my gaze towards her companion. It was weird seeing her usually cold and demeaning stare mellowed down into something much more melancholic.
"Congratulations to you two as well." I said as I started to walk away.
"Hikigaya-kun, why are you being like this?" Yukinoshita asked.
The sound of her voice was enough to make me stop moving.
Using her words like a drill, she continued to pierce the rocky exterior of my heart.
"I didn't know you were this cowardly." She said, quickly replacing the melancholic look on her face with a disgusted one
"You wouldn't understand." I quickly replied.
"What do you take me for Hikigaya-kun? I think I'm smart enough to understand the thought process of a lowly being like you."
"To think that I confessed to you just a couple of months ago. What was I thinking?" She continued.
Yes, what were you thinking.
Sensing the tension between us two, Yuigahama tried to diffuse the situation. "So… Hikki, do you wanna come along? Yukinon and I wanted to go eat a restaurant, you know, like a going away celebration of sorts?" She smiled shakily.
I put on a fake scowl. "I'm sorry Yuigahama-san, but those types of activities are for close friends. I'm merely a classmate, at best, an acquaintance. So I'm sorry, but I refuse your offer."
I walked away. I never looked back. I couldn't, no, I didn't want to look at them. I never saw the shocked face of Yukinoshita, I never saw the smile fading away from Yuigahama's face. I knew they were there, I just didn't want my last memory of them to be in sadness.
…
Someday, I'm gonna regret this.
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AN: Hey there, author here. You might be wondering why deleted the last fic, well… lets just say I didn't like where it was heading (if it even was heading somewhere). I made this fic as a revision of the first one, the first one being atarashi sutori. Also sorry if it was kinda short, I mean, this is only the prologue. I was going to upload this 2 days after I deleted "Atarashi Sutori" but it got delayed. Got projects and exams and all that crap.
I accept any kind of Criticism, it'll help me become a better wtiter.
Ps: English ain't my first (not even my second) language!
