The lights we chase,
the nights we steal
The things that we take
to make us feel.
-Brother, Gerard Way
My powers manifested at the zoo.
I was with my mother and twin brother, Hugh, and we were happily skipping along, pointing out all the animals and squealing with delight. I was only six years old and Hugh was three minutes older. "Let's go see the wolves, Mama," Hugh yelped and pointed to a small forested area, surrounded by a fence.
"Okay honey, but don't throw things this time. You nearly got us kicked out last time," Mama said easily and we both sheepishly ducked our heads. It turned out that throwing popcorn at the gorillas wasn't allowed.
"Yes, Mama," we said in unison and she chuckled. She smoothed back my brown hair and tweaked the polka-dot bow that held it up in a loose ponytail.
We walked up to the enclosure and I climbed up the chain-link fence so I could get a better view. Hugh climbed up too but he didn't climb as high as me.
It took me a second to spot the wolves but when I did, I was in awe. One by one, they started appearing out of the forest. There were six of them, in total, and all six were gorgeous with silky fur and muscles that rippled under their skin with every step they took.
"What are their names?" Hugh asked. He had asked that at every enclosure and Mama had always pulled out that nifty brochure of hers and answered him.
Mama opened her book to the 'wolf' page. There were six pictures of the pack on the page that didn't do the wolves any justice. Each wolf had their own little blurb that explained their history and rank in the pack. "The white one is the Alpha and her name is Luna." I didn't know what an 'Alpha' was but I thought it was cool.
Out of the six wolves, four of them were gray, one was white and another was black. Most people would immediately look to the white wolf with the shimmering fur and bright blue eyes but I couldn't take my eyes off the black one. He was one of the biggest, with sleek bluish-black fur and vibrant golden eyes.
His eyes met mine and it was like my whole world stopped. 'Those eyes…'
His lips curled up in a snarl, revealing a row of brilliantly white teeth and healthy gums as pink as a fresh plum. "What's the black ones name, Mama?" I asked.
"Apex," Mama read. She glanced up to see that I was leaning a little too far over the fence, "Violet, don't lean so much, you'll fall over."
But I couldn't take my sight off of Apex. I could see every little detail in his eyes as he stalked closer to me. There was even a sliver of green in his left eye that made his eyes all the more brilliant. He was slowly getting closer, and if only I had arms as long as Mama's then I would have been able to touch him.
So I reached anyway.
Mama let out a bloodcurdling shriek as I toppled into the enclosure, landing on my knees and yelping in pain. The wolf jumped back a little but not a second later, lunged at me.
But a bite never came. Apex stopped dead in front of me, staring at me in confusion and fear. I glanced down to see long black claws coming from my fingers and instead of brown hair surrounding my face, it was silky black.
It was like all my senses went into overdrive. I could smell everything; Mama's perfume, the scent of melted butter in Hugh's bag of popcorn, and even the musky, forest smell of the other wolves. Not only that, but I could smell the fear coming from Apex and Mama.
But the biggest change was the feeling of power. It raced through my blood and made me feel magnificent. It was like the same gold used to make Apex's eyes was now racing through my blood, making everything from my toes to the tips of my fingers tingle.
"Oh my God," Mama whispered. "No, no, no. Not her."
I turned back to the wolf to see he was starting to back away from me. He took a few fearful steps back before turning and bolting towards Luna and the rest of his pack.
I felt someone's hand clasp around my arm and lift me up and out of the enclosure. It was my mother. The second she touched me, my claws shrunk, my hair faded to brown, and my sharp senses dulled.
My mom whirled me around and grabbed both of my arms and forcing me to look into her green eyes. "Listen to me, Violet. You can never ever tell anyone of this. If anyone asks, you fell into the enclosure and I pulled you out before the wolf could attack you. Do you understand me?"
"But Mama-"
"No Violet! If anyone finds out about this, they will never accept you. You will be an outcast wherever you go and people will treat you like you are nothing. That is why you can never tell a soul about this. Now, do you understand me?"
I slowly nodded and Mama turned to Hugh. Without even having to say anything, he furiously nodded. "Now come on, my darlings, we need to leave."
"But-"
"We're leaving, Violet!" Mama snapped and I stepped back. "And we are never coming to this place again."
[X]
Soon after the trip to the zoo, people showed up at my door. The one who talked the most was a bald man in a wheelchair and the other was a pretty black woman with hair as white as snow. Mama shooed me and Hugh to our room and talked to them in the living room.
Little did she know that I was just around the corner, listening to every word they said. Hugh was right beside me, peaking out every so often to see what was happening.
"I'm not giving you my daughter," Mama hissed and Hugh's head snapped back, staring at me with wide eyes.
"They're talking about you!" he whispered excitedly.
"Miss. Hopkins, Violet is a danger to herself and those around her. Her powers are manifesting at a dangerous rate and without help, she won't be able to control it," the woman said calmly.
"I can help her! She won't hurt anyone; Violet would never do that," Mama huffed defiantly. "My little girl is not a monster."
"No, but she is a mu-"
Mama cut the man off. "Don't you dare say that word, Professor. She will never be that!"
There was silence for a moment and then Mama gasped. "How did you – oh."
I shot a confused glance at Hugh but he just shrugged in response.
"Miss. Hopkins, I know this is difficult for you but we're here to protect you and your family. We can train Violet and help her reach her full potential but we can't do that if she doesn't come back to New York."
'New York?' That was far away. Mama said it wasn't anywhere near Calgary and I didn't want to leave Hugh or Mama to go to a place like New York.
"I'm sorry, but my final answer is no. Violet never asked for this and I'm not sending my six year-old to live with a group of strangers in another country. She doesn't deserve that," Mama replied.
"She deserves to control her gift," Professor answered calmly.
'I get a gift?' I thought excitedly. I jumped out of my hiding place and raced into the living room. Mama and the pretty lady looked surprised to see me but Professor merely smiled when I raced in. "I get a gift?"
"You already have a gift, my dear," Professor said and I made a face. 'Not since Christmas!'
As if he had read my thoughts, the man chuckled and shook his head. "This gift makes you far more unique than anything you'd ever get at Christmas."
"Professor, I want you to leave," Mama said calmly but I could hear the anger growing in her voice. She stood up and pointing to the door. "Now."
"But what about my-"
"You're not getting a gift, Violet!" Mama snapped and I took a step back, my eyes filling with tears. Her face softened and the next time she spoke, her voice was calmer. "Violet, you misunderstood what we were talking about. Please go to your room and let the grown-ups talk."
I silently nodded and trudged to my room. Hugh was still in the same place around the corner where I left him but I didn't want to listen in anymore. I wasn't getting anything out of it and I didn't want to make Mama anymore angry than she already was. A few minutes later, Hugh walked into our room and sat on his bed.
"They were talking about you. They said that you were special and needed to learn how to control yourself or something like that. Then Mama got angry and kicked them out," Hugh explained. I didn't say anything. "Vi?"
"Just leave me alone!" I yelled and pulled the covers over my head. Mama's angry voice was still fresh in my mind and the way they were talking about me made me feel like I was in trouble. Like I had done something wrong and needed a punishment.
Whatever I had done to be different, I wanted it erased.
[X]
The second incident came two years later when I was eight. I had started school and like every elementary school, we had mandatory gym classes. We usually just played games instead of doing any actual work but I always loved the class. I loved running across the gym and the feeling of success whenever I scored a goal in the enemy's net.
But one day, I didn't like it so much. Mama yelled at me that morning and Hugh and his friends were being rude. One of his friends, Clyde, was being especially cruel and kept on throwing the dodgeball at me. I always managed to jump out of the way before they hit me though.
Until he grabbed the basketballs, that is. The normal dodgeballs were just soft, colorful balls that wouldn't even leave a red mark if they hit you. Basketballs were a different story. And having them thrown at you was unforgiveable.
I felt a furious anger burn in my stomach when the ball slammed into my face. Our teacher, Mrs. Settler, wasn't even looking at us and was instead flirting with the cute janitor.
Blood dripped from my nose and onto my hand, making a tiny pool of crimson. I stared at the blood for a second and then I looked up at my attacker. Clyde was laughing with his group of friends but Hugh was the only one who remained silent.
'That little rat intended to hurt me!' I thought angrily as my hands curled into little fists. My lips peeled up into a snarl and a familiar feeling filled my chest. My messy brown hair didn't turn black this time but I could feel my eyes burning and the smell of sweat and joy filled my nose.
And finally, the power returned.
Not even bothering to stand up, I launched myself at Clyde, knocking him over and making us both roll a few times. I pinned him under my body and stared down at his terrified brown eyes as tears sprouted from them. He let out a terrified scream and I grabbed his chubby hand and lifted it to my mouth.
I clamped my teeth down on his hand and blood filled my mouth. Clyde's scream grew louder until I was finally ripped away by Mrs. Settler who had a horrified look in her eyes. "Violet, what did you do?"
The power vanished and was replaced by guilt. "He threw a basketball at my face," I whimpered.
"That is no excuse!" Mrs. Settler screamed and pulled me to my feet. "Look at what you did!"
I looked over to see Clyde was screaming in fear and agony. His hand was covered in blood and I could see teeth marks in his skin. The janitor, Jacob, was wrapping Clyde's hand in a cloth and rushing him out of the gym.
"I'm calling your mother," Mrs. Settler snapped and started dragging me towards the door and then to the office. "What possessed you to do that?"
"It was just instincts," I cried. That word just sounded right and rolled off my tongue like water out of a glass.
"You're not a dog, Violet! Your instincts aren't to bite other children," Mrs. Settler snapped. She pulled me into the principal's office and sat me down on one of the plastic chairs. "Violet, explain what happened."
So I did. I left out the part about my senses going into overdrive and the joy I felt when I tasted blood for the first time but I told him the simplified version. When I was done, Mr. Holmes looked angry and unforgiving.
"I already called your mother and you will spend the rest of the week at home so you can learn to control your anger," Mr. Holmes said and I felt my gut drop. If my mother already knew then I was dead for sure. As if on cue, the door opened and Mama entered.
Her green eyes held fear in them and her brown hair was messy. She still managed to look calm and keep her voice steady when she spoke to Mr. Holmes and Mrs. Settler. When I was finally allowed to leave, Mama's eyes hardened as she glared at me. "Don't worry, this will never happen again."
By then, I was about as scared of Mama as Clyde was of me. She dragged me out of the room and into her car and once we were safely in the confinements of the SUV, did she turn around and saw that there wasn't a trace of anger on her face.
"Oh honey," she breathed. She looked like she wanted to say something more but her eyes filled with tears.
"I'm sorry, Mama," I whispered as I watched the tears fall from her green eyes. "I didn't mean to."
"I know you didn't darling but next time... just breathe. Remember what I said at the zoo. Nobody can know about this. If you ever feel it start to happen again, just count to ten and take deep breaths," Mama said, wiping her eyes. "You're my baby and I would never let anything happen to you. Never."
Never.
If she made a promise to never let anything harm me then I had to at least try to not let this beast come out again in public. I had to control it.
[X]
In the years that followed, I found myself trying to bring the beast out more and more. I figured that if I learned how to bring it out, then I could learn how to stop it. So I spent hours in front of the mirror, doing everything I could to try and make that beast come.
I had practiced before the whole 'Clyde Incident' but back then, I was doing it for power but now I was doing it for safety. I didn't want to cause anyone else anymore pain. Especially not my Mom.
But it never worked. I might get a flash of gold in my green eyes or the roots of my hair would darken but never anything like I felt during the incidents. The power wasn't there and that's what I thrived for… and feared.
But once, when I was twelve and boys had started to become more irritating than usual, I came home in a huff and stormed to the washroom. Not to practice my power but to just release my anger on something – anything. My shared room with Hugh wasn't private enough and he and his stupid friends were the reason for my anger.
I slammed the door shut and started pacing back and forth. One of his friends, Gunner, had pulled my skirt down in the middle of class, making everyone laugh at me and humiliating me in front of my friends. The worst part was that Gunner was my long-time crush and having him to be the one to humiliate me only added to my shame.
That alone wouldn't have made me so angry but for the rest of the day, people teased me about it and started calling me names. I could have handled that and counting to ten did help enough for me to control it for the rest of the day. The part that made my blood boil was when I was riding home in an empty seat because Hugh was too embarrassed to sit with me. I wouldn't have minded but then I felt someone pelt something in the back of my head.
I tried pulling it off but it only stuck to my hair; it was a piece of chewed bubble gum. The kids erupted in fits of giggles and Hugh sat proud for his spitting skills. "Hugh!" I yelled, standing up. He knew what I could do and his green eyes widened but that didn't stop him from opening his big mouth.
"Sit back down…freak." That one stung. It was what Mom had worked for all these years to stop and my own brother was the one to use it against me. The laughter only grew until it was all I could hear.
And then the chanting began. Clyde called me it next and then Gunner. Then the girl who sits across from me in Math and then Hugh repeated it. They started yelling it, "Freak! Freak! Freak!"
'One… Two… Three…' I took in deep breaths and exhaled, squeezing my eyes shut. 'Four… Five…'
"Violet!" I was snapped out of my trance as the chanting stopped. One of the big kids, a pretty blonde girl called Erica, had walked up to where the seventh graders were sitting and held out her hand. "Hey, come sit with us."
Normally I would be honoured to sit with a ninth grader but that day, all I felt was anger. Erica got off the bus with her brother, Gunner, and I was sitting alone at the back of the bus. Glaring at the back of Hugh's head only filled me with anger and by the time we had reached my bus stop, I had counted to three hundred.
I didn't say anything to Hugh as I stormed into our small house, ignored Mom's questions and stomped into the washroom where I started to pace. After a minute or two of walking back and forth, I couldn't take it anymore and I turned to the mirror, letting my fist fly into it and shattering it.
"Violet, what was that?" Mom called, banging on the door. I snarled and stared into the broken shards of the mirror, baring my teeth at my reflection.
Starting from my roots, my brown hair faded to black and my green eyes turned yellow. My teeth grew and sharpened into fangs and my nails into claws. The familiar powerful feeling filled my body but this time it wasn't good – this time it felt like venom. I was a monster.
With inhuman strength, I grabbed the mirror cabinet and flung it across the room, into the wall where it shattered and fell into the bathtub. Bottles of pills scattered out and the already shattered mirror lay in pieces in the porcelain tub.
"Violet, open this door right now!" Mom ordered. My hands curled around the doorknob and I yanked it open, snapping the lock in half. Mom stumbled back when she got a good look at me and Hugh stood behind her, falling to the ground as he gaped at me in horror. "Oh Violet…"
"This is all your fault!" I snarled at Hugh and lunged at him. His fear was coming off him in waves and I could hear his heart pounding in his chest. I pinned him to the ground but not a second later, Mom ripped me off my brother.
"Control it, Violet! Don't let it control you! Remember what I said," she said, looking dead into my yellow eyes. "Breathe."
I squeezed my eyes shut and clenched my jaw. Breathing in and out through my nose, I started to count, 'One... Two… Three…'
The venom slowly started to ebb away and my golden eyes stopped burning. I opened them to see Mom staring back at me with nothing but love in her eyes. Hugh was a different story though; he was full of terror and jealousy.
"I'm a monster," I whimpered but Mom quickly shook her head.
"You're no such thing. You're a mutant Violet. There are many others like you who have powers too. You're the evolution of man and it's nothing to be afraid of," Mom whispered and I stared back at her.
"Others… like me?"
"Not exactly like you but they can do amazing things. But humans are still scared of mutants and that's why you have to learn how to hide it," Mom explained and I nodded. She turned around and looked at my brother who was still cowering on the floor, with a wet mark between his legs. "Hugh, go clean up. We'll talk about this later."
Hugh glared at me and for the first time in my life, I saw hatred staring back at me. We had always had our fights but this wasn't anger or annoyance; this was hate. He pulled himself off the ground and stormed to our room, slamming the door shut.
"Don't worry, Violet, it'll get easier," Mom soothed as she pet down my hair. "I promise.
[X]
But it didn't.
Hugh never forgave me for that moment and my anger only grew as we got older. Four more years passed and about two dozen incidents occurred. The length of my powers always varied and sometimes, my eyes would just spark gold and other times, I would go the whole nine yards with the teeth and the claws and sometimes my ears would even grow a little, pointing up.
But it was nothing compared to the day I reached my full form.
Once again, I was having a bad day. Mom was nagging me about my grades, Gunner and his whore Celia had made fun of my acne and Hugh and Clyde had body-checked me into a locker, calling me a freak. As far as I knew, Hugh never told anyone about my powers but everyone in the school thought I had a temper like Satan. They even had a nickname for me: Violent Violet.
And they just loved to see how far they could push me.
But that day was different from the others because that day, I had had enough. I was done with the teasing and the venom that always threatened to poison me. I was done with my mother's nagging and my teachers tip-toeing around me like I would rip their throats out if they so much as said my name wrong. I was just done with it all. So when Clyde called me that word in Chemistry, I finally snapped.
We were talking about polyatomic ions and all of it went in one ear and out the other. So of course when my teacher, Mr. Robinson, called on me, I didn't know the answer. "Violet, can you tell me what the charge for sulfate is?"
"Uh… negative twelve?" The class exploded in giggles and I ducked my head in embarrassment.
"Stupid freak," Clyde yelled and the class laughed harder.
"Quiet down kids!" Mr. Robinson tried but they didn't stop. So finally, for the first time in years, I decided to stand up for myself.
I stood up, pushing my desk away from me as my fists curled into fists. "What did you just call me, coward?" I snarled. I wasn't expecting Clyde to actually say anything back, especially after the incident eight years ago but to my surprise, he pulled himself out of his chair and took a step towards me so our noses were almost touching.
I could vaguely hear the bell ringing, dismissing class, but nobody moved. They all wanted to see what would happen between me and Clyde. "I called you a stupid freak," he snarled out.
Everyone expected me to yell at him or to maybe punch him in the face. Maybe even threaten him some more or remind him where he got those disgusting scars on his hand. Instead, I just smiled, baring a row of razor-sharp teeth. Clyde stumbled back as I felt the venom – no, this time it was pure power – take control of me. "Who's the stupid one now?"
My voice was husky and it sounded like there was a completely separate, aggressive voice behind it. It would have even sent shivers down my spine if I wasn't loving every moment of it.
"You're a m-m-mutant?" Clyde stuttered, staring at me in complete shock. My green eyes flashed to gold and my hair faded to black.
"Damn right."
It didn't stop there. This time, I could feel myself growing under my shirt and black fur sprouting from my skin. I collapsed on all fours as my shirt started to rip as I grew. I stalked towards Clyde, snarling at him as he scrambled to get away. I lunged at him, pinning him under my large, dog-like feet and snarling down at him. This time, I wasn't going to stop at the hand.
I was going to stop when he was dead.
Just as I was about to clamp my jaws around Clyde's throat, I spotted something in the window; my reflection. I was no longer a small brunette with green eyes and pale skin; I was a wolf. I was sleek bluish-black with brilliant golden eyes and a sliver of green in them. I was Apex from the zoo. I looked down at Clyde to see his eyes were shut and he was fearfully waiting for the moment when I would take his life.
He didn't deserve to die. He may have deserved a lot of things, but not to die.
I stepped away from Clyde and sprinted towards the door. It was already open a crack but I slammed my entire body into it, sending it crashing to the ground. I stumbled out of the room to see everyone staring at me in utter horror. I looked around the crowd and even though I recognized them, their names didn't come to mind. It was like the wolf part of me was taking over completely. That is, until the muscular brown haired boy with green eyes stepped forward.
"Violet?" His voice cracked.
'Hugh.'
I turned and started sprinting down the halls. I needed to get out of there!
"Violet, wait!"
I burst through the doors of the school and looked around wildly. Not knowing where my feet were taking me, I started running. Hordes of people were chasing after me, screaming profanities at me and trying to throw things at me and Hugh led the pack but he looked concerned, not angry. I ran and ran until I reached a small, white house with an overgrown lawn and missing shingles. I felt myself starting to change again but the power was still coursing through my blood.
I stood up, so I still had thick fur and a long black muzzle but I had human-like hands and feet, only with more slender fingers and toes. I walked up to the front door and slammed it open, snapping the lock and making it fall on the ground. Mom appeared at the doorway in a second and horror covered her face. "Oh God, Violet… what happened?"
"This is me, Mom," I snarled. My voice sounded husky and vicious. "Or do you want me to change so people don't find out about your freak of a daughter?"
"You aren't a freak, Vi," Mom said fiercely. "Just breathe."
"I don't want to fucking breathe!" I screamed and my wolf instincts came back in full force. I leapt at my mother, knocking her down and locking my teeth around her neck. There was a crunching sound and blood filled my mouth. Mom went limp.
I pulled away and lifted my head, letting out a proud howl for my kill. Until I heard the sound of someone screaming. I whirled around to see Hugh standing at the door, surrounded by classmates. The power vanished from my body and I could feel myself turning back into a human. I stood up, jumping away from my mother's dead body in horror of what I'd just done. My clothes were in tatters and my stretched out skirt was barely staying on my thin hips.
The taste of copper filled my mouth as horror washed over my body. I didn't know whether I was more horrified by the fact that I had just slaughtered my mother or that for a second, I actually enjoyed doing it. I wanted to do it again.
"Oh God, what'd I do?" I whispered, backing away. Blood was pooling around Mom's throat and her once lively green eyes were glazed over and her lips were parted in a silent scream. "No, no, no, no. What'd I do?"
"Kill her!" Someone screamed and suddenly I was very aware of the situation I was in. I had just killed my mother and now everyone wanted to kill me. I darted towards my room, slamming and locking the door just before they reached it.
I didn't waste any time in shoving as many clothes as I could into a duffle bag and snatching my passport and a wad of money from my drawers. Slinging the bag over my shoulder, I looked over the room Hugh and I shared one last time before sending my fist through the window and climbing out. I didn't even bother being sneaky, I just ran.
Hugh must have seen me because not a moment later, he and his crowd were chasing me. I was faster though; thank God I joined the cross-country team. I didn't look back as I ran but I knew they had stopped chasing me after a couple of blocks. But just as I thought I was safe, I heard Hugh screaming from behind me.
"I'm going to kill you Violet! Even if it's the last thing I do!"
A/N: Special thanks goes out to KatieK101 for everything over the past few months. Love ya! Updates will be every two weeks :)
