Bravado

Inuyasha AU in which Kagome goes off to college, nursing a broken heart - and a need to move on from her pain. With Inuyasha's relationship with Kikyou chasing Kagome into the arms of Kouga, a track star with a soft spot, how will either Kagome or Inuyasha come to terms with their true feelings? Rated for depression, language, alcohol, drugs, etc.

'Cause I was raised up
To be admired to be noticed
But when you're withdrawn it's the closest thing
To assault when all eyes are on you
This will not do

Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh, oh

I'm faking glory
Lick my lips toss my hair
And turn the smile on
And the story's brand-new
But I can take it from here
I'll find my own bravado

Lorde, Bravado

Chapter One: University Girl

The mirror had not been moved from her wall since middle school, the last time she had gone through a change which required her to re-evaluate all too much: her heart, her identity, her self. What did it mean to be Kagome Higurashi? Did she sacrifice who she was for love? Was love what mattered most to her?

Once, she believed that. But then, aren't all girls taught that love is what comes first? Unfortunately, boys are not taught the same.

Kagome flattened her skirt against her thighs, thinking of a little green skirt she had worn not so long ago. It was the middle of a Saturday, and the day was cheerful and bright and everything a summer day should be. Kagome had not left her room, however, and for all she cared it was a dismal winter night.

The skirt she wore now was longer than the one she recalled, actually covering her to mid-thigh, and was a soft black-velvet that she thought projected her new self wonderfully. University student she was, university student she would be for at least four years, and she would no longer resemble the silly teenager she had been. The matter of moving to university was not as simple as advancing in her studies, so much as advancing on her path, finally figuring out all she needed to know in order to own her future.

"Kagome!" The girl in question tugged at her loosely-fitted white blouse, which was tucked neatly into the skirt. Her black stockings bunched up just above her knees. Older though she was, she knew how to look cute even when serious. She was nineteen, and she was ready for the next step. Carefully she stuck her fingers behind the mirror, which was stationed on the inside door of her closet. She expected the mirror to hold fast to the door, but instead it peeled away easily, just as an expected change often does. Once thought to be an impossible task, now something menial, and easily conquered.

"Yes mom," Kagome called back, not quite to her normal full volume. She held the mirror close to her face, inspecting the small worry lines that had appeared, the sullen frown on her usually cheerful face. She'd been packing for weeks, preferring to take time with each item she stowed away, remembering the importance of the memories which attached themselves to everything she owned. If she did not reflect now, she would be overcome later, something she had learned the hard way in her high school years.

"Do you need anything from the store?" The easy question surprised Kagome. Maybe having a broken heart made everything serious. Maybe she was forgetting that her life had never truly been complicated.

"I'm all set," Kagome bit her lip and moved her eyes across the room. She owned so little, but everything bore so much. Every misplaced sock had its own story. She stuck the mirror on top of a stack of miscellaneous items, allowing herself to absorb her own melodrama with as much grace as she could muster.

The emotionally-boggled teenage girl fell to her bed, as she had done so many times before, falling back on the pink comforter in a distinct 'I'm upset and need to be left alone' position.

The I-beg-to-differ knock on her window was, if she was being honest with herself, very much expected and only partially desired. But what else was new.

"Kagome," the annoyingly sharp pronunciation of her voice would have normally sent her into a rageful spiral. As if she was the one interrupting a much needed session of mourning.

Kagome sat up, grumbling as she unlatched her window. A pair of bare feet hit her carpet without a sound, and a pair of golden eyes were assessing her before she could get a word out. A strong hand caught her chin, not unkindly, but the familiar furrowed brow and the scowl that accompanied it told her all she needed to know.

"Why are you acting like this? You're the one leaving." Inuyasha was never one for pleasantries. Kagome growled and pushed the half-demon boy away. She hated how comfortable he was, coming and going at all hours of the day, always bugging her, always annoyed, but never so annoyed that he would ever leave her alone. His loosely-fitted jeans and red tee shirt were once the most comforting sight she could behold. Now she only thought of a girl who also wore red, a girl who fit snugly on his arm, a girl who hated Kagome.

"I'm allowed to be sad about it, Inuyasha," came her cold reply, a different answer to a different question. Defiantly Kagome resumed packing, even though the half-demon boy had seen her curled up only seconds before. She lifted the top of a suitcase and began aggressively stuffing in her clothes, paying no mind to how poorly they were folded. Inuyasha always made her careless.

"I know that. You just seem a little more sad than I'd expect ya to be." He threw himself comfortably down onto her bed, a small frown on his face.

"Well that's my business." The suitcase was too full now, but Kagome kept stuffing, a new, unidentified feeling fueling her movements.

"It's mine too!"

"No."

"Yes. We're best friends."

"So?"

"So I care about you, dammit!" He was sitting up then, relieved in some twisted way that she was still bickering with him. It felt normal. It felt like them.

"Where's Kikyou?" He winced. Bringing up Kikyou was Kagome's way of shutting down arguments, flipping the switch, hurting him even. Kagome knew why she did it, hated herself for it. He never knew how to ask her why she always brought up Kikyou in the midst of an argument, though, and it was honestly something he would probably never figure out on his own.

"She's reading to the children at the library. You know she does that every Saturday." Kagome could have laughed at how ludicrous that sounded. Of course Kikyou was reading to the children! She was so kind, Kagome knew that better than anyone! Why would perfect Kikyou ever do anything unkind to anyone? (Kagome was grinding her teeth.)

"Oh of course," Kagome grabbed the zipper of the suitcase and jerked it down, effectively wedging the sleeve of her favorite sweater into the teeth of the zipper. "Fuck."

"What?"

"I screwed up my suitcase."

"No, not that - "

"What?"

"What was that, 'oh of course?'"

"INUYASHA!" Kagome exploded, pushing her suitcase away and turning on the boy, who was looking so confused, as usual, that Kagome could only deflate and press a clammy hand to her forehead. He was just so stupid.

"I don't get you," he huffed, but he looked sad, like he really did want to understand. Normally he would have his own retort prepared. Kagome abandoned her suitcase and got up, sitting next to her companion, leaving a space between them that never would have existed before.

"I'm sad that things will be different, but things are already different, 'Yasha." Kagome met his eyes, pleading him to understand without her having to embarrass herself. I love you. She hates me. She wants me gone. I should've told you before.

"I guess so," he said weakly.

"See? I'm just not as happy here as I used to be. Maybe going to university will help me… figure stuff out."

"But…" Inuyasha fiddled with a loose thread on her comforter. "I, I don't know what I'm going to do without you."

His confession warmed her heart. But she had heard this before. She had almost succumbed last time, only to watch him go back to Kikyou, to see Kikyou's threatening, deceptive smile over his shoulder, aimed at her, cautioning her not to come too close…

"What time does Kikyou get done at the library?" Kagome tried to keep her voice neutral.

"Three… I'm taking her out to dinner after…" Kagome nodded.

"I'm leaving tomorrow, at noon. Will you come later to say goodbye?"

He took too long to respond. He was wincing again. She felt a familiar ache.

"That's why I'm here now, Kikyou is, uh, spending the n-"

"Let's say goodbye now then!" Kagome flung her arms around Inuyasha quickly, hoping the hot rush of tears would be stifled easily, that he wouldn't smell them -

"Kagome, are you taking these?" Souta was at the door suddenly, looking unbothered at the pair hugging, the two of them surrounded by suitcases and boxes. When he looked closer, however, he recognized a change. Inuyasha's face was red, Kagome's eyes shined too brightly, and the hug itself was full of tension. Souta tightened his hold on the books in his hands.

"I better finish packing," Kagome told Inuyasha weakly, releasing him. "Enjoy your date with Kikyou!"

The boy let his silver hair fall in front of his eyes, watching as Kagome approached her brother, discussing the books with much more animation than strictly necessary. He knew she was hiding from him, and this wasn't the first time. The problem was, she had never left him before. They had always had time to resolve whatever conflict had arisen, and she had always forgiven him for his obliviousness, for his tactlessness, for the hurt he brought on -

When Kagome had turned back to look at her friend, he had already gone, window closed as if it had never been open.