A/N: I'm back on Mondays! Excited to share my latest story with you all. It is going to be a long road for Everlark in this story but they are very much the end goal even if things do not start well for them in this story. I hope you enjoy it.
As always I do not own the Hunger Games or any of its characters.
Chapter One
Katniss
I reach into Ivy's car seat and adjust her blanket to make sure she is comfortable. I fuss over her socks and smooth down her dark hair as she sleeps peacefully in the small café. She is only 4 days old but my heart is already bursting for love for her. My love for her is even greater than I have for my little sister Prim. She has tethered her heart to mine. I know I will do anything to protect her and ensure she is happy.
I have to remind myself that she is why I am doing this. I am doing this for my daughter. To ensure she gets what she deserves.
I'm agitated and anxious though as I sit and wait in the cosy café. The café is not one of those up market places that are so common in London and where it costs you £8 for a coffee. It doubles as a book shop and the vintage leather sofas are surrounded by shelves stacked with books. It is reasonably busy with friendly staff that gives the place a nice buzz. But the warm atmosphere is doing nothing to calm my nerves.
My foot jiggles on the ground. I braid and unbraid my head. I tuck and untuck Ivy in. I unbuckle and re-buckle my watch strap. I may have initiated this meeting but I don't think I am prepared for it. I order an Earl Grey tea and gulp it down so quickly that I burn my tongue. I place the empty tea cup back down and pour another one. I'll need something in my hands when she arrives.
After 15 minutes I finally see her. She steps into the warm café and scans the room cautiously. Only she could look so put together in the middle of a crisis. Her blonde hair has been neatly styled into a high pony tail and she wears a smart, high necked floral dress that shows off her post-pregnancy curves. With her pearl necklace and blue sapphire earrings she looks a bit out of place amongst all the checked shirts and scarves of the hipsters that make up the majority of the customers here.
I look down at my own appearance and immediately feel under dressed. With a new born baby she is lucky that I even showered to come and meet her. I wear a baggy green shirt and leggings which I am pretty sure have some spit up after Ivy threw up in the car. But that has always been the difference between Madge and I. She is the polished housewife while I am messy twenty something.
Her eyes finally find me amongst the crowd of tables and she stops and freezes for a moment. Then her eyes zone in on Ivy sleeping beside me. Instinctively I reach in to Ivy to nervously tuck her blanket close in around her. This is not going to be any easy conversation.
Slowly Madge makes her way over to us and stops at the end of the table. She doesn't look at me. Her eyes have been fixed on Ivy since she has arrived. She stares at my daughter as if she is a hallucination. Like she can't believe she is real.
I notice she hasn't brought any of her sons, even if Max is only 5 weeks old. Probably left them with the nanny. I try not to resent her for the fact she has extra help when I have to struggle by on my own.
She doesn't say anything for a long time. I look up at her awkwardly and bite my bottom lip. What do you say to the woman whose husband you have been sleeping with?
Ivy squirms and stretches her arms out before she lets out a small cry. This startles my attention and I immediately bend over to soothe her. Madge just watches me with shocked eyes as I stroke Ivy's hair and whisper soothing words.
Ivy soon stops her mewling and lies quietly staring up at me with her big blue eyes. I smile down at her, momentarily forgetting Madge, as I look at my daughter's adorable face. I don't think I will ever get tired of looking at her.
"She has his eyes," Madge states before she pauses. "And his nose."
I pull my eyes away from Ivy to look at Madge. I can see the pain in her eyes as she looks down at me with my daughter. I can't imagine what she is going through right now.
I still don't know what to say to her. I didn't know what to say to her when I finally called her yesterday and told her the truth. She is the one that wanted to meet today and I am still not sure how she is going to react. I know if I was in her situation I would want to lunge across the table to take a swipe at me.
"Do you want anything? I've ordered tea," I say.
Madge drags her eyes away from Ivy and takes a deep breath.
"Do they have anything stronger?" she asks.
I let out an awkward laugh. Madge shakes her head as she finally takes a seat opposite me.
"Tea will be fine," she says.
She gestures for a waitress to come over and orders a green tea. Once the waitress is gone she resumes her staring at Ivy.
"How old is she?" she asks.
"She was born on Monday," I reply.
Madge lets out a strangled sob.
"I assume that's where he was when he said he had that work conference this week," Madge says.
I nod my head lamely. Her husband had been there for Ivy's birth. He had been there to hold my hand and cry when our daughter finally made her appearance into the world.
"She's only 4 weeks younger than Max. He didn't even have the decency to not sleep with anyone while I was pregnant," she continues bitterly.
Max Mellark had been born 4 weeks before his half sister. I had been furious at him when he first told me Madge was pregnant. Ivy's conception wasn't far behind that of his son's.
"I didn't plan on getting pregnant. I never wanted children," I reply.
Only part of this is true. It's a lie to say the closeness of Max and Ivy's conception is a coincidence but I did never want to have children until I fell pregnant. I had never even wanted to fall in love. My own mum loved my dad deeply and she couldn't cope when he died in a car crash when I was 11. She broke down and now spends her days in a depression clinic. I swore to myself then that I would never get like that. Never love someone so much that they had the power to break me.
But then I met Peeta.
"But you knew he was married. You work in the office. You knew he had a family. And you still slept with him. How old are you anyway? You look like you have come straight out of school," Madge says.
"I'm 24. Heavensbee and Coin has been my first job since leaving university," I reply.
Madge sighs and shakes her head.
"It's such a cliché. The attractive young accountancy student and the office partner. It's not even original," she says. "How long has it being going on?"
I chew on my bottom lip as she waits for me to answer. I can see she is desperately clinging on to the hope that it was just a fling. That our affair meant nothing.
"3 years," I admit sheepishly.
This shocks her. She had clearly not been expecting the affair to have lasted so long. But it started about 4 months after I started my accountancy traineeship at Heavensbee and Coin. Peeta was the youngest partner at the company and I was instantly taken with him. I had wanted him the moment I saw him. Knowing he was married had only made him more attractive to me.
"You must think me so stupid. How could I not know my husband was having an affair? And there I was babbling onto you about pregnancy and childbirth at the Christmas party. The whole time you knew that it was my husband you were sleeping with," she says.
I look away from her now. Her last words make me feel guilty. Guilty for having an affair with her husband.
"The truth is that I know he has had his affairs in the past. It's not exactly hard to figure out when he comes home smelling of coconut shampoo even though he was supposed to be at a work meeting. No one showers after a work meeting," she says.
She takes a pause as she turns to look me straight in the eye.
"But I was always content with the knowledge that it was me he came back to. I am his wife. I am the mother of his children. I am the person who puts his dinner on the table every night. Peeta likes the stability of family life. I knew he couldn't let it go. So I turned a blind eye and allowed him to have his fun knowing it would always be me he came back to in the end. But I never imagined this happening" she adds waving her hand at Ivy.
I don't know what to say. I know it's true Peeta wouldn't leave her unless forced. He loves his sons too much. But he has another child now. I don't want my daughter to be his little secret. That's why I phoned Madge yesterday and told her the truth about Ivy's paternity.
"None have lasted this long. None have resulted in a child," she says.
Another pause as she looks at me carefully. I can see the stress in her eyes. This news has devastated her but she is trying desperately hard to keep it together. She knows her marriage hasn't been perfect these last few years but it still hurts her to know she has been betrayed so deeply.
"You're in love with him," she states.
It is not a question. It is a fact. She can see it on my face. Against all my better judgments I fell for him. I nod my head in confirmation.
"Does he love you?" she asks.
"Yes," I reply.
Part of her breaks now. She hadn't planned for him to have fallen in love with me. She could have forgiven him for everything else but not that. She knows her world is falling apart.
She nods her head before taking a deep breath.
"I don't think I can forgive this. I don't know why you went after my husband. Though I am well aware of his charm. I suppose you are not the first. Probably not the last. I never imagined he would screw up so badly," she says.
The waitress comes back with the tea but Madge just turns it away and gets up to leave.
"I don't have anything else to say to you. I don't need any more details about your sordid affair. I have to go home and sort out my family. Find a way to tell my sons that their daddy isn't going to be living with them anymore. This is going to destroy my family," she says.
I keep quiet. There is nothing I can say that will make things better for her. Nothing that will stop me looking like a slutty bitch.
Madge gathers up her bag and takes out a pair of sunglasses. She turns to take one last look at Ivy before departing.
"I can't believe you gave him a girl," she states sadly before turning and exiting the café.
I watch her sweep out of the café and into the hot summer afternoon. I know how much she wanted to give Peeta a girl. That's why she fell pregnant with Max. She wanted to give him a little girl he could take to ballet lessons and paint fairies with. But she has given him 4 boys. It must hurt to know I have finally given him the little girl he craved.
Ivy squirms in her car seat and I reach over to comfort her.
"Are you hungry Bug?" I say picking her out of the seat. "How about Mummy gives you some lunch?"
Ivy cries a bit longer as I unbutton my shirt to let her get her milk. She greedily latches on to my breast as she suckles her dinner. I hold her close and feel a little relieved that my meeting with Madge didn't end in a shouting match. I admire her slightly for being able to keep her cool. I know I wouldn't have been able to.
But as I watch Ivy eat her dinner a new sense of nervousness over takes me. I may have dealt with Madge but I still have to deal with Peeta. He won't be happy with what I have done and he is a lot more confrontational than Madge.
I grab a slice of cake at the café before taking Ivy back home to my house in Islington. I bought the house after I found out I was pregnant with Ivy and moved into it with my friend Johanna a couple of months before she was born.
It is a modest 3 bedroom red brick house with a small back garden that will be perfect for Ivy to play in when she is older. Peeta wanted to buy me something bigger. He feels it is too small and could be in a better neighbourhood. But then he is used to the multi-million pound townhouses in South Kensington. Not all of us need to live that way.
I told him no. I didn't want to owe him anything and it would have been hard to explain to his wife. My house may not be big but I have already filled it with all my photos and memorabilia that make it feel like home. The photos on the stairways will only grow in numbers as Ivy grows.
Johanna is home when we get back. She works as a junior doctor in one of London's city hospitals and is currently on her A and E rotation at the start of her second year after her graduation. She has only been in the department a week but already loves the pace and intensity of emergency medicine.
We met at university and were placed in the same halls. We bonded over the fact we were the only girls on our floor who preferred beer and rugby to cocktails and shopping. We are brutally honest with each other but have a great sense of loyalty towards one another. Johanna hasn't judged me for my decisions in the last 3 years.
I take Ivy out of her car seat and Johanna takes her off me to allow me to sort out my things. She sits with Ivy on the sofa, pulling silly faces at her as I pack away my stuff.
"How did it go then?" Johanna asks. "Was she mad?"
"No. She was eerily calm about it. But I could see the pain in her eyes. Particularly once she saw Ivy was a girl," I reply.
Johanna nods her head as Ivy stares up at her curiously.
"You are doing the right thing. For Ivy's sake. You couldn't let Peeta fit her in when it pleased him," Johanna says.
I finish putting away my stuff and turn to Johanna with a grateful smile. She wouldn't lie to me and I am grateful for her support. Not many people will see my side once this all comes out.
I take a seat wearily opposite Johanna and lean back against the sofa.
"He's not going to be happy about it," I say.
Johanna laughs.
"Have you even warned him that you have told Madge? He's in for a shock tonight if you haven't," Johanna says.
I shake my head.
"Let him be shocked. He's had control of this situation for way too long now. It is about time someone ruffled his feathers," I say.
Johanna shakes her head before looking down at Ivy and wriggling her fingers.
"You two have a fucked up relationship you know. Most people wouldn't want to see their lover squirm," she says.
I shrug my shoulders.
"I didn't want any of this to happen. I only got involved with him because I wanted something casual after the whole Gale debacle. If he had wife and kids he wouldn't want those things from me and I wouldn't have the drama of "where is this going?" talks. I just didn't factor him to be so damn impossible not to love," I grumble.
Johanna rolls her eyes.
"Like I say fucked up. I may not be Miss Commitment myself, but even I know that is a screwed up reason to start a relationship," she replies. "Your mum fucked you up bad."
I scowl at her now. I don't want to think about how my mother screwed up all relationships for me.
Ivy lets out a cry and Johanna gets up to give her to me. I rock her in my arms and hum a soft lullaby as Johanna sits back down and I try and soothe my daughter.
"Still can't get used to you having a kid. I thought hell would have frozen over before you popped one out," Johanna says as she watches Ivy and I.
I smile at her and continue to hum to Ivy. I never envisioned motherhood in my future but now Ivy is here I can't imagine a life without her. I only hope I can give her everything she needs.
"Do you want me to stay tonight? I can call in sick to work. You might want some moral support if Peeta comes round," Johanna says.
I continue to rock Ivy back and forth as her eyelids start to droop. The chances of Peeta coming round and shouting at me are high. He's going to be angry at what I have done and we often say nasty things to each other when we get worked up. I've already begun to prepare my defences for when he comes over.
"No. I'll be fine. I need to deal with him on my own," I say.
"Are you sure? The last time you two had an argument you flushed all your birth control pills down the toilet," Johanna replies.
I sigh as Ivy eyelids finally close. I don't need a reminder of my bad choices.
"I can handle him. I did it for Ivy. I will do anything to protect her," I say.
Johanna shrugs her shoulders and tells me to suit myself before getting up, placing a kiss on Ivy's head and going upstairs to get ready for work.
The butterflies in my stomach begin to grow as I think about what Peeta will say when he comes round. I know it won't be pleasant and I hate it when he shouts at me. And then there is the fear that my actions will have pushed him away for good. It would hurt to hear that he doesn't love me anymore but it would be devastating to hear him disown Ivy. She deserves so much more than what she is currently getting.
As the evening grows longer and the hours tick away I know the prospect of Peeta coming round grow higher. I know he gets home from work around 7, just in time to read his boys a story, and if Madge confronts him straight away he could be round here at any time after 8pm.
I watch the clock constantly as the evening wears on and I dress Ivy for bed. I feed and change her while every 10 seconds looking at the clock and wondering if he is going to turn up.
Eventually, just after I have settled Ivy back down, I hear the shrill ringing of the doorbell and a few angry bangs against the door.
I take the baby monitor with me as I go downstairs to answer the door. I open it to find a very angry and disheveled Peeta standing on my doorstep. He is still in his suit from the office but his tie has been loosened and hangs askew down his chest. His normally freshly pressed navy suit is all rumpled and crinkled. His blond curls look like they have been electrocuted as they stick out at odd angles suggesting he has being running his hands through them.
He doesn't even wait to be invited in before he pushes his way past me and rounds me to go into the living room.
"What the fuck did you do Katniss?" he yells at me. "I get home tonight to find my bags packed and Madge chucking me out! What the hell made you decide to tell her?"
I take a deep breath as I follow him through to the living room. I am not going to let him make me feel guilty.
"I did it for Ivy. You weren't even here for 3 hours before you left to go to your other family. I don't want her to be some little secret that you keep hidden away," I reply.
"It was Jamie's sports day! You know how important that is for me. How important that is for my son. I had to go!" he yells.
"But you have another child now!" I shout. "It's not fair on her to only get a few hours of your time when they get you all week. It may be okay now when she is young enough to not notice when you are not here but it is going to hurt her when she is older every time you go to be with your "real" family."
"I love Ivy. I will do everything to make sure she is happy and safe. How do you think having her father chucked out of his own house is going to be good for her?" he demands.
The situation is quickly spiralling out of control. Neither of us are going to admit we are wrong. Neither is willing to forgive the other for their actions.
"You are so selfish," I say with a bitter laugh. "You will only do things for Ivy if they are in your best interest."
Peeta shakes his head fiercely. His cheeks have gone pink with all his shouting. I only hope his words don't wake Ivy.
"You have just ruined my life. And not just mine. You are saying you did this to protect Ivy but did you even stop and think what this is going to do to my sons? I have to go back tomorrow and tell them that I am moving out. This is going to devastate them. They are going to lose their father because of you," he says poking me roughly in the chest.
This causes me to stop and think. I didn't think about his sons. I have never stopped to think how my relationship with their father was going to affect them. I realise that they and Ivy are the innocent victims in this story.
But I am still angry and don't have it in me to stop and apologies for the hurt I will cause his sons. And it irks me that their pain is more important to him than my daughter's.
"News flash for you Peeta. You ruined your own life. You were the one that asked me to dinner that first night. You were the one to suggest we go back to mine. You were the one who told me you loved me after we ended things those 2 months. This relationship has been all you," I shout back.
I am not going to take the blame for all this. I didn't seduce him and make him do all these things. He was equally responsible for the start of the relationship and all the bad decisions we have made since.
Peeta lets out a bitter laugh and runs a frustrated hand through his hair.
"I didn't think you would do this to me. You say you love me," he says a lot more calmly.
My heart clenches at his words. I do love him. Even now, after we have screamed the living daylights out of each other, my heart still pounds at the sight of him. I still want to reach out to him and kiss away his pain. I still want him to take me in his arms and hold me. To tell me that Ivy and I are all he needs.
But I don't because now I have someone more important in my life and I can't be weak for her.
"I do," I reply. "But I love my daughter more."
Peeta huffs and runs another agitated hand through his hair.
"I can't be around you right now. I don't think I can forgive you," he says coolly.
My heart drops at his words of rejection but I know it is the right thing to let him go now. It is not good for Ivy to hear her parents shouting.
As if on cue she starts screaming and both Peeta and I snap our heads in the direction of the noise. Peeta is moving past me before I have time to think and heads up the stairs to her room.
"I'll get her," he says gruffly as he brushes past me.
He bounds up the stairs 2 at a time in a rush to get to our daughter.
I follow him shortly after and push the door slightly to peek in and see them.
He sits on the rocking chair with Ivy cradled in his arms. He rocks back and forth on the chair as he recites some nonsense poem about a zoo. Ivy's big blue eyes look up at him as he speaks, transfixed by the sound.
I have always loved the sound of his voice. Deep and velvety. It can calm even the grumpiest person. My heart clenches at the sight of them together. It amazes me how his eyes can be clouded with anger one minute and full of love for our daughter the next. He may have many faults but loving his children is not one of them.
Soon Ivy's eyelids drop and she is snoozing softly in her father's arms. Peeta rocks her for a few more moments before leaning forward to place a kiss on the top of her head and placing her back in her cot.
He brushes a bit of hair off her face as he looks down at her lovingly as she sleeps.
"I love you sweetie. I'll be back real soon," he says before leaning down to give her another kiss.
I can see the torment in his eyes at the prospect of leaving her. Even after having Madge chuck him out the hardest part for him in all of this is leaving his children.
However his eyes turn cold as he turns and sees me. He clenches his bottom jaw as he makes his way towards me.
"I'll be in touch about when I can next see Ivy," he says coldly. There is a brief pause before he says the next thing.
"I hate you for what you did today."
I flinch a little at his harsh words but in my heart know I did the right thing for my daughter.
He walks past me and lets himself out without looking back.
A/N: I know things are bad at the moment but bare with me. It will become apparent soon that both Katniss and Peeta have a lot of issues and it will take them a while to figure them out.
