Late nights, waiting
Empty, fading
I want you again,
I want to again
I was anxious and scared, slightly agitated also. It was my first day at this new school. Why would my mother move me during the beginning of my junior year. I missed my bestfriends Kayla and Addison so bad. I missed my friend Jr too. Well we weren't really friends. He was the guy that I was gonna lose my virginity to.
I know it sounds weird but that's fine. I liked Jr before... When we were in the ninth grade but he didn't seem to like me back so I gave up. Then we met up again right before Thanksgiving break in the tenth grade.
I'd been extremely and shamelessly flirting with him all semester. When the bell rang and signaled the end of the school day I rose from my chair and grabbed my pink Nike mesh book bag. As I started to walk out of class along with the rest of the kids, my teacher stopped me.
" Ms. McClain, I hope you don't think you're passing " I rolled my eyes at the maple syrup smelling, 300 lb, German man in front of me. I slowly gave him a once-over. Tall, pink skin. Blue striped shirt with part of his stomach hanging out. I tried not to gag as I smelled coffee on his breath.
" excuse me Mr. Gnash, but I need to go " I tried to make a move for the door but he quickly stood in front of it. I looked over his shoulder to see Jr. Walking past. I winked at him and smiled as his face portrayed shock. I almost didn't notice Mr. Gnash had continued to talk- almost.
" ... Failing again. " when he said failing again I looked at him. What does he mean by failing again?
" Excuse me? " I half looked at Jr. Trying to look like he was casually walking past and half looked at . I bet I looked cross-eyed.
" just as I said. When you come back from break you need to pay attention and attempt to past this class, otherwise you'll be repeating this course, again " honestly I tried to pay attention, but Jr was just so damn sexy. He really glowed up since the ninth grade. Honestly I had not known he was the same person. Football and baseball did him good. I blew a kiss at him and he childishly jumped to see over my teachers shoulders. Mr. Gnash looked over his shoulder at Jr. And then back at me with a disgusted but knowingly look on his face.
" is that what you should really be focusing on? " he asked. I rolled my eyes.
" No, I should be focusing on leaving so I don't miss my bus " I wasn't really focused on missing my bus, I was going to the library with my friend Dee. He cleared his throat and mumbled something about not caring then slightly moved out of the way. I held my breath as I walked through the small open space between him and the door. I ran out and looked around for Jr. I saw him with a duffel bag headed for the guys restroom.
" Hey!" I yelled to catch his attention. He looked back at me and smiled then waited. I caught up with him and tried to catch my breath. I was really out of shape.
"Hey what's up?" I said
"Whats up" his
"Nothing, where you headed?"
"To the restrooms"
"Oh okay" an awkward silence filled the room.
"So, what's good?" He asked
"Oh nothing, I saw you looking at me and I thought I'd just come over, say what's up"
"Oh really?" He smiled. All his teeth showed. We were about five inches apart. I had a very good view of him. 6'2'', broad shoulders, nice cocoa colored skin and a low box cut. He was so cute.
" yeah, but I gotta go. Can I get a kiss?" He didn't respond so I just stood up to steal one. My 5'1'' height made me too short to reach him. I tried to grab his neck to move him closer but he wouldn't budge. I sighed and gave up.
"Give me a kiss, stop playing" I whined. He grabbed my waist and slowly walked us in to the guys restroom. Once inside the restroom, he pushed me to the wall. The guys restroom actually wasn't that bad. It was pink and didn't really have a smell.
" You want me to kiss you? " he asked
"Yes" he grabbed at my shirt and slowly unbuttoned it.
"First, we have to fuck" my heart started to beat fast. I was a virgin. I didn't plan on losing my virginity to him. At least not in the boys restroom after school.
Shannon. I heard my name being called. I couldn't speak. It was like I was under some sort of spell. He open my shirt and palmed my breast. A familiar tingly sensation formed between my legs and as he grabbed at my breast through my nude and red lace bra. He moved one of his hands between my legs and rubbed me through my jeans. I let out a soft moan. He attached his lips to my neck and I wrapped my arms around his neck. I can't believe I'm not stopping this. I cannot speak right now.
Shannon! I heard my name again. It was like a cold bucket of water poured over my head. I pulled away from him. " I have to go, my friend needs me "
"But-" he objected.
"Here," I grabbed his arm and wrote my number on it. "Have my number, call me" I hurried and fixed my clothes and left. When I walked out I breathed a sigh of relief. What was wrong with me. Why couldn't I walk away? I met up with Dee and told her what happen. She laughed. "You should have stayed" I laughed but thought.. Should I?
A year and a half later and we still haven't done it. It was okay though. I knew for a fact that he wasn't the one. "Hurry up!" My mom yelled. I have myself one last glance in the mirror before walking out of the restroom.
Three hours later, I was shown around the school by a brown skinned girl with a long middle ponytail. She was talking to me but I had not remembered her name.
" and this is your class " she smiled at me. I smiled back and said thank you. I took two deep breaths before walking inside.
I walked into the classroom and immediately blushed. Everyone was looking at me. My teacher was a brown skinned women name Ms. Jonathan-Henry. I don't like judging teachers but she was very country. Even for Georgia.
" child, take your seat right d'er"
I nodded my head and sat down. I couldn't help but fidget. I was uncomfortable.
After a few minutes, a brown-skinned boy walked up to my desk.
"How you doing? I'm Cameron." I smiled a polite smile.
" I'm Shae"
" Hey Shae, can I get you number " wow this dude was quick.
"Sure" I have him my number and he turned to sit down in his seat.
" Damn girl, you just gon' give it to him like that " a feminine voice said behind me. I turned and shrugged
" I gave him my number, not agree to marry him "
"Oh" she said. She was ugly. I can easily recognize pretty girl but she wasn't one. She was down right ugly. She looked like a dog if a dog was made into human form. He big nose did not compliment the dark brown ring around her mouth. Her three friends surrounding her didn't look any better. Except maybe one. She was cute. Other than that, the looked like an ugly troop.
The bell rang and I rose, it was third period and third period always meant lunch time. My favorite time. A tall girl walked over to me.
" Hi, my name is Ashley" she said. She was cute. She kinda looked like a light skinned mix of Lana Del Rey and Marilyn Monroe. I smiled at her.
" Hi, my name is Shae"
"Cool, wanna sit with me during lunch?" She asked. I smiled. I didn't have to sit alone on my first day.
***
Two weeks had passed since I started going to my new school. I miss Florida. I miss the diversity, I miss Allison and Kayla, I even miss Jr. We've grown a lot closer since I've left. Talk on the phone everyday. I haven't met a single guy at my new school that I might actually like. They all seem players and I'm not one for getting played. I've always known what I was getting myself into. Always.
Ashley was so nice. She knew a lot of people and they were eager to meet me. She also didn't curse. It was funny hearing her replace all her curse words with childish ones. It was also kinda refreshing. I got to meet other people too. Like a guy named Marcus. We shared fourth period, I mean 70 block together. It was hard to go from 1st,2nd,3rd, and 4th period to 10,30,50, and 70 block. But anyways, Marcus was cool. We talk and laugh a lot in class. People think we talk. But we know for sure that we don't. He jokes about how he "friend-zoned" me. Whatever he say. He doesn't know what he's talking about.
I was so happy that I was no longer referred to as the new girl. That was so annoying. My mother never named me new girl.
Speaking of my mother. She was getting more and more annoying everyday. She treated me like a midwife. And I'm definitely not a midwife. She always call me to do everything for her. Clean the house, tutor my brother, wash the car... Like, there are four other people living with us, why must I be the only one that had chores. Never mind, we all had chores. But whenever my brothers forgot to do theirs, she blamed me for it. "You should've woken them up" "You should've reminded them" she'd say. I'm not a calendar.
She gives my brother's far more freedom than she does me. And she's always yelling at me. Last year I'd ran away from home because of her. I'd left for 12 hours. I came back home with a police escort at 3 am. Whenever I'm in trouble, I smile. So you can only imagine how hard I was smiling. It's not like I was happy about causing my mother to stress over my disappearance but I couldn't help it. When she saw me she shook her head and went in the house. After that life just got worst and worst. She'd said she hated me, I'd said I hated her, she kicks me out and calls the police, the police asks me if I had a pimp. It was all very crazy. Then a stove fell on top of my two year old brother and we move.
I cry almost every night. No one can believe how upset I am, maybe because I smile so much. They always say the saddest people smile the most. Maybe they are right.
I don't mean to be melancholy but I'm just not happy. I love my new friends and I love my old. I love my family too but through all that, I'm just hoping to find my happiness. Is there no such thing as happiness for a teenage girl? I hope so. Otherwise I might just have to find it on my own. Instead of letting it come to me itself. I don't know, I have hope for myself but who knows? I guess we'll just have to find out.
Authors note: I hope you guys enjoyed my first chapter. Don't forget to comment, good or bad? ゚ムフ
