This time of year I always get bogged down when it comes to writing. I don't know if it's fatigue or just plain laziness (Saints Row IV and Crysis certainly don't help me get back on track), but I figured that it would be a nice thing to just stroll here and drop off something I've had an idea for since a long time ago. This isn't that idea in it's entirety since I had pictured a really long multi-chaptered story a while back, but for now this is enough for me. Maybe it's enough just period.
Yamato remained stumped as he stared at the blank sheet of notebook paper in front of him, sighing as he tried to convince himself of the fact that all the crumpled up sheets of lyrics all strewn about the coffee table were a sign that he was only getting closer to finding the perfect words to the new song he was supposed to be penning down. He was visiting his brother and mother and was staying with them for a week on account of the fact that Hiroaki was out of town for work and Natsuko had insisted to Takeru's delight that he stay over until his father was done with the job he needed to do out in a station in Osaka. It was nice enough to stay with them even though most of the time he actually preferred solitude, but as his patience and creativity was wearing thin, he felt that any sort of distraction would be welcome so long as it could give him just a spark of inspiration.
He already had the melody perfected, in fact it was the proudest piece of music that he had ever written himself, but the one thing that continued to frustrate Yamato in the two months that he had been almost exclusively working on it was the fact that so far he had been unable to find suitable lyrics to go with his song. After the hundredth or so attempt Yamato had actually considered just releasing the song to the public as an instrumental perhaps, but every time he came close to choosing that option there was something in the back of his mind that told him that he needed words for this song, and that the words were maybe the most important part this time around. That thought was really the only thing holding him back, and most of his week nights for the previous two months were spent waiting for the perfect lyrics to dawn on him, like the whisper of a ghost in the shadow of a unicorn's dream.
Suffice to say, when he heard the door to the apartment open there was a part of him that was as equally thankful for the distraction as there was annoyed. Yamato looked over and saw his brother locking the door behind him, and couldn't help but arch his eyebrow when he saw a disheveled and fatigued Takeru walk his way into the living room, famous hat missing from his head, and when the kid plopped himself on one of the nearby couches. It's not that it was surprising for him to see his brother there since it was in fact the Takaishi residence after all, but Yamato wasn't expecting either his mother or brother for quite some time. Natsuko was out at work and wouldn't be home until extremely late into the night as was often the case with her demanding career, and Takeru was supposed to be over at the Yagami residence for dinner and to do some 'homework' with his girlfriend, something which made Yamato snort earlier since he had been a teenager once as well and 'homework' might as well have been code for 'making out'.
Despite Takeru's ragged look he wasn't really concerned about anything, though he was a bit annoyed since Taichi had agreed that he would drive his kid brother back home, and going by the fact that a loud and mouthy soccer fan wasn't raiding their fridge it was clear to Yamato that Taichi hadn't given that ride after all. His eyebrow had remained arched since Takeru had been both speechless and motionless since he sat down, and after a minute or so of just staring at the kid, Yamato reached over to grab one of the crumpled sheets of paper off the coffee table, and chucked it at his brother's face. The failed music lyrics snapped Takeru back to reality the moment it struck his face, and Takeru finally looked over at Yamato and remembered why exactly he had joined him in the living room.
Before Takeru said anything though he opened up the crumpled sheet of paper that his big brother had thrown at him, and a look of confusion came across his face as he read it. "Like the whisper of a ghost in the shadow of a unicorn's dream?" He looked up at Yamato to ask what the hell he just read. "Is this like a suicide note or something?"
Yamato only shrugged. "I'm trying to write a song."
Takeru took one last glance at the sheet of paper in his hands and remained silent as he stared at them, before once again looking at his brother. "I hope you keep writing then."
Yamato scoffed as he stood up and reached over to snatch the scrapped lyrics out of Takeru's hands, before sitting with a thud back down on the couch. He crumpled it up once more and tossed it onto the embarrassingly ever growing pile on the coffee table. He was about to jokingly ask if Takeru had only gone there to criticize his work and to apologize for not being able to write something as grand as Journey to the West, but decided not to when he saw just how tired his little brother actually looked. The kid was troubled, there was no doubt in Yamato's mind about that fact, and he gave another sigh as he stretched and yawned and figured that it would be good to get to the bottom of anything that was perhaps wrong.
"Is everything okay?" Yamato asked, not actually that concerned about anything since Takeru had just gotten home from the Yagamis and the worst that could happen there would be Takeru getting embarrassed about Yagami Yuuko talking about wedding bells between himself and Hikari. "You seem kinda off right now."
Takeru didn't answer immediately, instead nervously rubbing the back of his neck and trying to delicately figure out what words would be best to use, which oddly enough, was done in the same manner that Yamato had been doing for his music. Takeru figured that what he had to tell his brother was something that Hikari would prefer to keep under wraps and just between them, and he actually felt slightly guilty about even going to his brother for an answer if he had to be honest. However, it was something that was just much too confusing to be left alone.
Takeru gulped and weighed his options one last time before dropping his arms to his sides, no doubt to delay the awkwardness of what he had to say for a few fleeting moments, before he sighed and actually spoke. "So, I was at Hikari's place doing some homework with her after we had eaten dinner, and something really bad happened when we decided to take a little break."
Chuckling, Yamato only shook his head because he didn't even have to get clarification from his brother to know that the 'break' that Takeru and Hikari had taken actually meant that the two teens had gotten frisky with each other. "Okay, and what went down when the two of you started making out?" he asked, not concerned that anything too bad had happened.
"Well," the younger of the brothers was hesitant since he didn't know quite how to put things, Takeru himself still being flustered and confused by the incident, "you know how guys get excited when they're getting physical with someone? Like, excited in a way that guys can't control?"
Nodding in understanding, part of Yamato wondered if this would make a good song before he inwardly kicked himself for the dumb idea. "Yeah, so what?" he asked after he pushed the thought out of his head, "I'm sure Hikari-chan understands that guys can't control themselves in that way. Just explain yourself, and I don't see what the problem is."
"That's the thing," Takeru forced himself to say, the confusion and idle wondering that was familiar to him in the previous hour swirling around and around inside him like a whirlpool in a washing machine, "I'm not the one who couldn't control myself."
"I don't think I get what you mean," Yamato's eyes narrowed in perplexity at Takeru's words, all thoughts of music leaving his mind at that moment, "Are you saying that there was another guy in the mix or something?"
It would be another minute or so before Takeru found himself replying, becoming more hesitant to come out with it the closer his brother came to figuring it out. "Or something."
Yamato leaned forward, his brain searching for thousands of different conclusions that he could reach, but in the end not being able to settle on any one of them at all. "Dude, quit the Mulder and give me some Scully. You have to be frank with me if you need my help."
Takeru rubbed his hands in his face for a second, the memory of what happened at the Yagamis earlier troubling him the more that he let the thought linger. He was pretty sure that he was in love with Hikari, he had practically told his own mother as much when he asked her advice on taking his girlfriend to the next level of seriousness in their relationship by maybe getting a promise ring or something. Now though, he wasn't sure if he could ever look at his girlfriend the same way ever again.
"Hikari was the one who got excited," Takeru said at last, unsure if he had to actually spell it out for his brother.
Face squinting in confusion for a moment, Yamato's eyes then widened when he realized something that he didn't think could actually be true. "Are you saying that Hikari-chan," he froze for a second before regaining his composure, not actually believing the conclusion he had drawn, "is a guy?"
Takeru twiddled his fingers as he nodded, his brain still not accepting that Hikari was a boy even after the awkward moment over at her apartment when he felt her poking against his leg. Even if she was born male like she had admitted when he figured it out and when she started to break down and cry, he still saw her as the girl he had always known. That's how he wanted to think of her, and how he wanted to see her, but every time he thought about what he felt touch him, there was a part of him that didn't know what to do.
"She was born a guy," the younger brother finally found himself able to breath out as he shuffled on the couch and hoped that his mother wouldn't be arriving home so soon so that he could hash things out with Yamato, "but she says that she's a girl in between the ears." he paused, taking the moment to tell himself not to doubt her, "and that in the end of it all that's the only thing that actually matters."
Yamato nodded as he looked over at the clock that was hanging over the seldom used stove, noting how late it was and the fact that his mother may very well be strolling through the door any second with enough take-out for three healthy growing humans and two not so healthy but growing even faster Digimon. He spared a glance over at the spare room that was his for whenever he stayed over, and was glad that Patamon and Gabumon had agreed to stay inside there to watch a movie while he tried to work on finally perfecting his song. True, talking to his brother about the current subject wasn't exactly anything that would ever end up on Behind the Music or anything, but he didn't mind since it really was much more important after all. He then sat up a bit straighter in his spot on the couch, Yamato knowing that little Teeks was going to him to look for some advice that only an older brother could give, but he admitted to himself that concerning something so sensitive, that he couldn't act without being aware of all the details.
"But we've known her since she was a little girl," Yamato logically reasoned, "I'm not really understanding it all right now."
Takeru scratched his head since even he didn't know the whole story on account of the fact of how fast he had tried to leave when he had found out the news. He frowned since he really did feel as if he had taken the coward's way out with Hikari, especially considering that look of total heartbreak she had when he stoically told her that he had to leave before she finished explaining herself. That look, the way she then pleaded for him to stay while she said that she wasn't any different than the person he had always known, it only rubbed in the shame he felt with the way that he had acted back there.
His frown only deepened as he continued to explain. "She said she knew about who she was for a long time even before that." Takeru sighed at his own words, trying to recall everything that Hikari had tried to tell him before he practically ran out of her apartment. "And that her family has always been supportive about it. You know, really helping her to live like a girl and all that."
Yamato nodded again since he felt he had all the information that he needed, and he actually found himself impressed with the fact that even in a place like Japan, about how the Yagamis could put aside things like cultural norms and the status quo to support their son who actually turned out to be their daughter. "Do you love her?" he asked, the big brother in him knowing that that was really the most important question of them all.
There was silence for a moment, silence like the lambs share as they are unknowingly led to the abattoir, and Takeru suddenly felt the need to stand up and go get a drink, even though his throat wasn't exactly very parched. "I'm not gay."
Yamato only shook his head, not out of shame or disappointment in Takeru considering that his baby brother was understandably shaken, but instead because he knew fully well that the kid was scared, scared of his own feelings and of things that still didn't quite make sense to him. "That's not what I asked you."
The brothers went quiet again, both just looking at the other intently as they sat together without saying a word, the ticking of the clock across the room being the only thing that made a noise. Yamato hadn't said anything at all really, hadn't given any actual advice, but as he stared at the pair of blue eyes that were gazing right back at him, he felt as if Teeks explaining himself was all that he actually needed. As if to confirm Yamato's thoughts, Takeru then excused himself and walked off in the direction of his room, going through his phone contacts since there was someone that he apparently needed to call.
And it was then that Yamato finally had an idea about what to write his song about. He would tell a story about a man who found out that the woman that he was in love with was born male, and how by the end of it, it was something that didn't change who she was.
Like I said earlier I've had an idea for using Digimon to explore a transgender theme with some of the characters for some time now, and I think I did an alright job right here. I myself am not transgender or someone who would fall into any of the LGBT categories, but I like to think of myself as sort of a pal to the folks who do. There's no reason we should hate each other, eh? No matter how hippie the idea sounds, live and let live.
This was written from something I had thought about over a year ago, and I'm still trying to decide whether or not I'm going to stick with the idea in the future and actually make something full length out of this/something like this. Decisions come over time and all that.
I wrote this as an answer to a challenge I had in the Digimon Fanfiction Challenges Forum, and when I got the prompt of "Whispering Wood", it somehow reminded me of the previous idea I had tucked away in the corner and never thought I would ever see again. Drop by and check out the forum. It's run by reminiscent-afterthought.
Anyways, I'll just see my way out and bid you guys a good farewell. I'll try to catch up on my other stories, but we'll see since I still am quite distracted at times. An Xbox 360 and huge backlog of games you intend to achievement hunt will do that to you. Haha, have a good one.
