You Are My Favorite What If (You Are My Best I'll Never Know)
Chapter One
May 15th – May 31st
May 15th 2015
Just after 5 o'clock in the freaking morning
"I'm not caffeinated enough for this: A Memoir." Felicity Smoak groaned as she rolled down the window and pulled her baseball cap lower on her head, covering her eyes from the sun that wasn't quite lighting the sky enough to really bug her. She had her feet propped up on the dashboard of the rented SUV and her flip flops were kicked off into the floorboard.
Sara Lance rolled her eyes from the backseat and lazily slapped the headrest of the seat in front of her, not having the energy to actually aim at her best friend. "Is that the follow-up to the best selling 'These Shoes Kill My Feet, But Heal My Soul: An Autobiography'? "She asked the blonde in the front seat with a smirk. Or what could pass for a smirk this early in the morning the day after her last final.
"Or of course the hit coffee table book "How phenomenal does my ass look in this? A series of short stories'" Sara's older sister Laurel asked as she climbed into the front seat, throwing her bags across the console to land where Felicity's feet should have been. As she turned to her less than coherent passengers she cocked an eyebrow and slipped her sunglasses on top of her head. "Listen up ladies, this little road trip idea was yours. I wanted to wait until next Monday and fly down with Tommy, but you both begged to have a week to ourselves and an old fashioned road trip. So I refuse to listen to 13 plus hours of bitching. Got it?" She didn't so much wait for an answer as she dared them to object. So Felicity eyes met Sara's in the rear view mirror and they nodded at each other and settled back into their seats.
Laurel nodded, starting the truck and as she pulled onto the deserted road she turned on her go to road trip play list, turning it up as loud as she could stand it. If she couldn't sleep, neither could they.
After several not so comfortable hours in the car, the ladies decided a pit stop in DC was in order. After loading up on coffee and, at Felicity's insistence a few 'road trip selfies' they were on their way again.
Laurel was right, Sara and Felicity had both insisted on driving down to Emerald Isle right after finales instead of waiting until the first of June. When they had first been invited by Laurel's boyfriend to spend a few weeks at his family's beach house they hadn't been all that excited. But then Laurel had broken the news that she would be moving to New York come the fall and Sara had jumped at the chance to spend one last non-adult summer with her sister.
Felicity had agreed to come at Sara's request, because to be honest the sisters weren't the closest and things could get hostile between them from time to time. Felicity knew they shared a checkered past that had something to do with a boy, and she knew that even though they had both moved on from said boy, that they still had unresolved issues with each other. And while Felicity liked Laurel just fine, as she had spent quite a bit of time with her over the last three years, ever since her and Sara had agreed to share an off campus apartment together, she was particularly fond of Tommy, Laurels' boyfriend of 2 years. She didn't get to see him all that often, because even though he was dating her roommate/best friend's sister he still spent the majority of his time in New York, where he was attending grad school. He came down to Boston on the weekends and whenever he wasn't in bed with Laurel he would swing by Felicity and Sara's apartment for a coffee and advice. Even though he had known Laurel his entire life, and had been a welcome guest in her bed for 2 years now, he wasn't all that confident in their relationship. He had started coming by the apartment to get Sara's take on the situation, but considering the past the sister's shared, Sara wasn't all that comfortable spending time with him. So Felicity had taken pity on the poor guy, mainly because she was astounded that a boy like Tommy Merlyn was bummed that his relationship with a hot girl was mostly spent in bed.
Felicity really liked Tommy, he was sweet and sincere and could turn anything into an innuendo, something that she had feared was a talent she alone possessed. She also felt bad for him, it was obvious that he had suffered a lot of loss in his life, and that he wanted so badly to escape his past. He talked to her about his father, Malcolm, who Felicity had come to learn was not only one of the richest men on the west coast, but also the most heartless. When Tommy's mother had been killed in a robbery gone wrong when Tommy was a small child, Malcolm had decided that the best way to deal with his pain was to never show anyone affection again, and that included his own son. So Tommy had grown up basically alone, and had lashed out. He partied, slept around and pretty much blocked out his entire childhood. The only person he was close to as a child and later as a teenager was his best friend, Ollie. Tommy didn't like to talk about Ollie a lot, mostly because he reminded him of all of the mistakes he had made in his life. But also because Ollie had been gone for over 5 years now. Felicity wasn't entirely sure what 'gone' meant, because whenever she asked Tommy he just got quiet. So she didn't know if that meant he was dead, or in prison or had joined a cult, but either way no one wanted to talk about it. She had even asked Sara once, and she had just got a pained look on her face and walked away. Those Starling City people liked to play things way too close to the vest for her liking. But still, she had grown really close to Tommy over the years and she felt that she knew him well enough to know that this summer wasn't just about relaxing at the beach with some friends. This was a turning point for him, and it was really flattering that he had invited her and Sara to come along. She knew that whatever he had planned it must be really important to her. She also hoped that it didn't blow up in his face.
Sara groaned as Felicity's turn to put on her road trip play list came around. She loved that girl like a sister, but she had the most annoying taste in music. Well, if Sara were being totally honest with herself, she liked some of it, but she prided herself on being a music snob and would never admit that she liked some of that Top 40 crap.
She didn't care if Nick Jonas had stopped dating the entire Disney Channel line up and had spent some time in the gym, she didn't want people to know she liked his new album.
She rolled her eyes as her 'almost a lawyer sister' and her best friend bounced around in their seats and leaned her head against the door jam, letting the wind blow in her face. It was well into the evening now and they had been in the car for over 10 hours total, minus the million pit stops they had to make for Felicity to pee after her keg of coffee. She could feel a change in the air and knew that they were getting closer to the ocean, even if they still had a few hours left. She could feel the nerves in her stomach grown tenser as they got closer to the vacation house.
When Laurel had first asked her to join her and Tommy at the beach house she thought it was a terrible idea. But then when Laurel broke the news that she had scored an internship in a law office in NYC and would be taking the bar in New York state she had panicked. This meant, for the first time in their lives they would be living in different states. Sure, they had spent some time apart, when Laurel had gone away to college before Sara, but they hadn't even been speaking then. And Laurel was always home for breaks and holidays. This was a lot more permanent. She knew this was the moment when she could either accept that her and Laurel would never be the sister's that she wanted to to be, or she could try and change their past.
Her and Laurel had never been that close growing up. They were three years apart in age, which was just enough to make it difficult for them to relate to each other. It didn't help that Laurel had always been a Mama's girl and Sara had always related more to their Father. Sara always resented Laurel for her natural beauty and grace, and had always wanted everything she had. So when Laurel went away to college and her bad boy boyfriend had come home after being kicked out of his 4th college she saw her chance to take something from Laurel. She had always had crush on Ollie, hell every girl in town did. He was cocky and rich and not to mention beautiful. And despite the fact that he had been dating Laurel on and off since her junior year of high school, he still managed to get plenty of action. He had always looked at Sara the same way her sister had, as the annoying little tomboy that had her father wrapped around her finger.
But then he was back home and Laurel wasn't. He was fighting with his parents constantly and always drunk or high and Sara knew that he was always looking for a way to shock people. So when she had come on to him outside of a dive bar down by the docks late one night, when he was beyond drunk and a little beat up, he had asked her to come back to his place. She had suggested his family's yacht because it was closer. They had barely even gotten their shirts off when his father had come in, furious and threatening to tell her parents.
Sara didn't remember a lot of what happened after that. She had blocked most of it out. But what she did know was that he parents had found out, as had Laurel and everyone else for that matter. And before she could even see Ollie again, he was gone.
Her and Laurel's already fragile relationship was destroyed. And her relationship with her parents right along with it. Her mother was always crying, her Dad could barely look her in the eye and Laurel stopped coming home for holidays and spent her breaks at school in Seattle.
Sara spiraled out of control and soon, during the summer after she barely graduated high school her parents split and she bottomed out. Eventually she was sent away to live with her mom is Boston, and since her mom had moved there for a teaching job she had gotten into Cambridge University pretty easily, and for free.
She had barely spoken to Laurel since the divorce and was really shocked when her sister had decided to attend law school at Cambridge. They had slowly come back together as sisters, but they still had their hard moments. She hoped that spending this summer together, the one before Laurel became an adult would leave enough of an impression, and that they would keep repairing the damage. And despite the way she distanced herself from Tommy and his relationship with Laurel she knew that she wasn't the only one fighting to keep Laurel in their lives.
Laurel looked over at her sister, the blonde hair that had escaped her messy bun blowing in the wind and her eyes hidden behind her sunglasses, even though the sun was sitting low in the sky and her lips curled into small smile. She looked into the rear view mirror at Felicity who was playing with her tablet, her face hidden by the brim of her baseball cap.
They were only an hour away from their destination at this point and the wind filling the truck had turned chilly. She had done her fair share of complaining when both girls had suggested driving to the Merlyn beach house. Being in any car for more than a few hours was annoying, but being in a car with her little sister and her best friend for 13 hours was down right nightmare inducing. But it actually hadn't been that bad. They had made a few stops along the way, and as long as she let Felicity get her coffee and the occasional wi-fi hotspot and kept her sister loaded down with Twizzlers they had been pretty easy to deal with.
When Tommy had asked her to spend the summer with him, alone in North Carolina she had laughed. They had known each other since diapers, and had been sharing a bed 3 nights a week for years, but the idea of spending weeks with him alone made her feel claustrophobic. When she realized that he was serious she felt bad, and to avoid an argument she had agreed, but only if she could invite Sara. He countered her offer by insisting that she also invite Felicity. She had ignored the tug of jealousy at that, figuring that he just wanted Sara to have someone to occupy her time.
She knew that Tommy wasn't happy with the nature of their relationship and she also knew that he was hoping this summer together would encourage her to make more of a commitment to him once they lived in the same city. She had hoped that the simple fact that she had chosen the internship in New York over Seattle or Boston would be enough, but clearly it wasn't.
It wasn't that she didn't care for Tommy. He had been one of her closest friends for more than 20 years and they had been through a lot together. But that was part of the problem. They knew everything about one another, and Laurel knew what type of man Tommy had been for the majority of his life. And the last time she had taken a chance on that type of man she had lost her family.
She had avoided Tommy for years after the fiasco with Ollie and her family. She had buried herself in her studies and tried to forget her life from before. But during her first year of law school she had gone to NYU for a seminar and ran into him. It had felt like a set up and she had been on the defense. But he had always been the most charming of their group and had convinced her to have a drink with him. And then dinner and then breakfast. She had returned to Boston and her regularly scheduled life and had hoped that their night together would just remain that, a night. But a month later he appeared, waiting in the hall after one of her classes and he just kept appearing. She finally accepted his offer to another dinner, but simply because she was worried he would flunk out of grad school if he kept flying down to Boston.
Next thing she knew he was coming to see her every weekend. Then he started calling them a couple, which she wasn't all that sure about, considering they never left her bedroom on his weekly visits. But it made him happy, and she had enough on her plate so she went with it.
And now here she was, on the way to spend the summer with him and he had been calling her his girlfriend for more than 2 years. She never really talked about him to anyone, so she wasn't entirely sure what she felt. She knew that he was important to her, but she also knew that letting him be important was really risky considering the type of man he was.
Considering that when he left her bedroom for his 'morning jog' he always went right to her sister's apartment three blocks from her own.
The first time she had followed him there, she had been sure that he was sleeping with Sara. It wouldn't be the first time that had happened to her. But then she had called Sara and she was at her Saturday morning kickboxing class. So then she thought that he was sleeping with her sister's roommate. So she had made a point of getting to know Felicity better. She had known her well enough for what she was, her little sister's college friend. But she didn't know her well enough as Tommy's side piece. It had taken her a few weeks to realize that she had been wrong, and that whatever it was that was going on with Felicity and Tommy, it wasn't sexual. Felicity was way too awkward to ever hide an elicit affair.
The side effect of her investigation was not only that she had gotten to know Felicity better, but that she had also been reintroduced to her sister.
She had been really surprised at her sister's relationship with Felicity. They were totally different people. They didn't even go to the same college. Felicity went to MIT, and was in her first year of grad school there, at only 19 years old. But seeing her sister with a friend, a close friend had made her see her sister in a different light. Suddenly they weren't competing anymore, and they both had their own lives.
For the first time in a long time she felt like she had a family that worked. Her and her Father had connected during her year off from college. She had put off law school when she realized that his nightly scotch and soda had turned into something out of his control. She moved home and helped him get back on his feet. Almost as soon as she arrived back in Starling Sara had ran in the other direction, to live with their Mom in Boston. While Laurel worked on her relationship with their Dad, Sara repaired her relationship with their Mom. Sara took advantage of her Mother's pull at Cambridge and as soon as Detective Lance was back to himself, Laurel did the same.
For the first time they were all on the same page and Laurel was terrified that the changes in her life would make it all implode. Especially if one of those changes involved Tommy.
It was almost 10 when the girls finally made it to the beach house. They were all sore and tired and beyond hungry by the time they rolled themselves out of the truck.
Felicity leaned against the hood of the SUV and let her head fall back as she stared up at the enormous house in front of her. She had known that Tommy came from money, just as she had known that Laurel and Sara had grown up in one of the richest parts of the country. But considering the Lance girls were raised by a police detective and a college professor and Tommy had been cut off from his wealth for over a year, she hadn't expected this at all. She had expected a small colorful beach house on sticks a few blocks from the ocean.
She pulled off her baseball cap and ran a hand through her messy road trip hair and sighed.
"How am I supposed to relax in this place?" She asked her travel companions.
Sara walked up behind her and laid an arm on her shoulder. "Eh, you get used to it. Just don't burn anything down."
May 16th 2015
Felicity woke up to the ocean in her ears. The first day in months, or really years that she didn't have an alarm set and she was still woken up at the ass crack of dawn. She groaned, rubbing her hand over her face, pushing the mess of blonde hair out of her eyes and looked around the bright room. When she had been exploring the house last night she had chosen this room simply because it was on the other side of the house from the rooms that Sara and Laurel had picked. She knew that once Tommy arrived that the rooms around him and Laurel would be too...noisy for her liking and she also knew from experience that Sara snored. So she picked this room simply due to location, but now looking at it in the early morning light she was even more pleased with it. It had vaulted ceilings and a large wooden fan, a skylight and the wall facing the water was almost entirely windows. It was all in white and sea blue and had a built in desk beside the bed and a nice chaise lounge in the corner. This was an ideal room for her and she did a little victorious fist bump and gave herself a mental high-five as she bounced off of the bed to get ready for the day.
By the time Sara made it downstairs it was mid morning and Felicity and her sister were already sitting at the bar in the kitchen, both with bowl sized cups of coffee in front of them. There was so much natural light in the room that no one had bothered to turn on any overhead lights. Laurel looked up at her as she entered and smiled, pointing over to the counter by the fridge at the coffee pot.
The three of them bustled around the kitchen for the next half an hour, drinking coffee and making a light breakfast, neither of them feeling the need to make idle chit chat. It was after 10 when they had finished cleaning up and agreed to head down to the beach for the day.
They were walking down the long private walkway to the sand less than half an hour later, all three women dressed in their bathing suits and carrying towels and lotions.
As they made it down to the sand, Felicity looked around at the overwhelming view of the water and sighed, a weight lifting off of her chest. It took her about 3 seconds to notice something odd.
"Hey, were are the other people?" She asked, lifting her shades to rest of her head.
Laurel laughed, and Sara smiled at her.
"You're cute." She said, which Felicity had come to learn was Sara's way of telling her that she was missing something important/
"The idea that Malcolm Merlyn would by a house on a public beach is the funniest thing I have ever heard." Laurel said with a chuckle, dropping her sandals into the sand and laying out her towel, the wind fighting her.
Felicity looked at the sisters as they arranged themselves on their towels and once again felt overwhelmed by the wealth she was suddenly surrounded with.
"Wait, so does this mean I don't have to wear a top?"
Felicity never managed to work up the courage to explore the topless prospect, but they still had a pretty great time having the beach to themselves.
They spent the week in almost complete relaxation. Every morning they would get up and have a quiet breakfast of mostly coffee and fruit and then would get dressed for the water. Some days they would swim in the ocean, some days they would stick to the pool. They spent the week in almost complete relaxation.
Every morning they would get up and have a quiet breakfast of mostly coffee and fruit and then would get dressed for the water. Some days they would swim in the ocean, some days they would stick to the pool or the hot tub that overlooked the sand dunes.
While they spent most of their afternoons tanning and drinking fruity drinks, they spent most of their evenings out on the town. Each evening they went into town to go shopping, or out for coffee and ice cream and the occasional movie. Before heading back to the beach house each night they would stop at the grocery store and pick up whatever they needed to prep dinner that night. Then once back at the house they would spend hours fluttering around each other in the kitchen, laughing, talking and preparing all manner of things for dinner and snacking as they cooked.
Most nights they were full by the time they even set the table.
They were all getting along really well, but sometimes its would get quiet and Laurel would feel a little left out of the closeness between Sara and Felicity, especially when they started in a their inside jokes. The first day they had went on this tirade about tanning.
"I really need to tan before going to Cabo." Felicity had started off in a casual manner. Laurel had been confused, wondering when the blonde would be going to Cabo, she had thought that she was staying with them all summer.
Sara had just nodded and said "Yeah, I mean I know I do too. How can we go tan in Cabo, if we don't tan before hand?" She asked with a curled lip, like it was an outrageous suggestion.
That made Laurel even more confused. She kept shooting glances at the two women as they battled back and forth about Cabo and tanning and then suddenly Felicity lost it and erupted into a fit of
giggles.
Finally Sara had taken pity on her sister and explained that they had spent the last three New Years Eves eating Chinese take out and watching cheesy reality tv on dvd. This past year had been Laguna Beach and apparently the main plot of one episode was tanning for a trip to tan in Cabo.
Laurel just rolled her eyes and went to take a dip in the water as Felicity and Sara laughed at their own cleverness.
The days passed pretty uneventfully and before they knew it they were spending their last night as an all girl house. So they all decided to have a girly movie night and slipped into their pjs right after dinner. They were all sitting in the living room, spread out on the couch, tossing popcorn at each other and laughing at the cheesy chick flicks they were watching.
Laurel watched Sara and Felicity as they started to doze on the couch, Sara with her head in Felicity's lap and sighed. She had really been enjoying herself this week and she knew that in just a few short hours Tommy would be here and everything would change.
She just didn't realize how much.
