Tommy Vercetti was jacking off on pedestrians when Love Fist appeared from a police car and kicked his face into his esophagus. This made Tommy so mad, he punched Jezz's face off, which flew into the police department building, making the cops so mad Jezz's face got a 7 star wanted level. It escaped the death tanks, which could fire antimatter lasers used only for the worst of criminals, and got to a Pay 'n' Spray which painted Jezz's face the color of money and greed. The antimatter tanks got stuck on a tree and fell into the water. Tommy put his face back into place then reattached Jezz's face. They fell passionately in love and made sexy on the beach while antimatter tank pilots drowned because they were fat like that.
A few weeks passed and Tommy couldn't shit right anymore. At first he assumed it was because he was eating too much pizza but he started craving pizza only today and before then his shitting was fine. He went to the hospital and got a butt doctor to look up there. The doctor had very shocking news.
Tommy Vercetti was buttpregnant!
It then dawned on Tommy why sexy with the hookers was so empty and he never really enjoyed it much. He was gay. It all made sense now!
Tommy has to go tell Jezz the wonderful news but Jezz was arrested for nipple exposure OMG!
Tommy threw all his weapons out and bought a dildo to use instead. It was ribbed for the maximum pleasure but short so it won't abort his beautiful Love Fist baby. He threw the dildo at the police station making all the cops die at once and flinging Jezz to safety.
Tommy told Jezz he was pregnant.
Jezz was a...deadbeat dad! He ran away!
Now Tommy was all alone. And he was gay. AND PREGNANT. He started to cry, then punched cars to vent his sad frustratedness.
All the stress made Tomym go into premature labor OMFG!
HE RAN ALL THE WAY TO THE HOSPITAL HOLDING THE BABY IN HIS ASS
THERE HE GAVE BIRTH TO THE BEAUTIFUL Saphira Sarasahara Asphalt Carbunkle Fist Vercetti. But people call her Saphi or Sophi for short. Despite being premature and a manbuttbaby, she was perfectly healthy and quickly matured into a flawless woman of the relative age of 21.
As soon as Tommy looked into her eyes and saw her features which sumptuously combined his own with those of his one true love, Tommy realized he's a bit bi and fell in love. But she was his daughter and wouldn't say yes! But Tommy had a plan...
Tommy told Sophi to close her eyes he had a birthday cake for her. She eagerly agreed she loves cake! BUT SHE ISN'T FAT SHE'S LIKE ANOREXIC OKAY AND NO SHE'S NOT EMOOOOo!
Tommy laughed evilly as he positioned his butt (A/N his pants were still down from giving birth through it) in front of her head. She eagerly licked the chocolate frosting then realized what she was eating wasn't chocolate at all and the plate was hairy and smelly!
Sophi cried big juicy tears of blood (I SAID SHE'S NOT EMO THAT'S A JUST A GENETIC FLAW SHE HAS. SEE? NOT A MARY SUE! SHE HAS FLAWS!) as she was cruelly deceived by her pedo dadmom! Her evil mopdad then knocked her over and made love to her tush (since he's mostly gay you see). Since Sophi was such a perfect female specimen (she was super skinny and weak since muscles on girls are gross), she was unable to defend herself and her mommydaddy made her buttpregnant too!
Soppy couldn't take this anymore. She needed to get her dads back together. But where did Jezz go?
CLIFFHANGER
