Sokka must never find out.
She knew the moment the heart beated for the first time. She recognized the feeling of a second rhythm beneath her own, and she immediately knew who had planted the thing inside her. And he wasn't to ever know.
Babies brought new beginnings and joy and pleasure; but they also brought pain and fighting and hatred of one another. She enjoyed motherhood. She found it fulfilling, but she'd only ever done it alone. And she didn't think she was prepared to share the experience with another human being. At least not at this point in her life. Aloud, she thought, I feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place: I want more than anything to share this with Sokka. But I also want to keep our friendship unharmed.
That's why Sokka can't find out. Ever.
She contacted Katara when she realized what the second heartbeat meant. She needed a proper healer for this task, and knew she couldn't entrust anybody else with handling her baby. With Katara, however, came relentless questions.
"Again, Toph? That's wonderful news! Is Kanto just thrilled?"
"Kanto isn't involved in this one."
"Huh," Katara breathed out. She was able to recover quickly, though. "Oh, of course, but then… who is?"
A simple shrug should've worked fine here.
"Wh-what?" Katara blundered.
"I don't know."
"How do you not know something like that?" And there's the judgemental tone. Always believing she knew what was best for everyone. Queen Superior.
"Because, Sweetcakes, I don't have one Aang. I have a few regular Aangs, and I don't know which one is connected to this. They don't have a relative role in this; this baby is mine and mine alone."
"But don't you want to reach out to them? Make sure they know they may have a baby girl on the way?"
And that's how I found out she would be a girl. The conversation went on like that for a while-Katara poking her nose in where it did belong, her feigned concern shielding her true curiosity. Finally, she gave me the news I'd asked her for: my baby was healthy.
…
I thought keeping Su Yin's father's identity a secret would be easy. It wasn't difficult with Kanto. But then, I suppose, I hadn't slept with my best friend that time around, whom I share many close friends with. Ugh, fuck me.
After four months, the metal of my suit could no longer conceal the small bump in my stomach. It was official: I was showing. Which meant more questions would come. Spirits, how I hate questions.
I told everyone together-Zuko and Aang and Sokka (with Suki, of course). Katara, obviously already knew, but I told her along with everyone else. Everyone seemed happy for me, genuinely happy and not a sole asked me a private question about who had ejaculated their sperm inside of me to put a baby there. That is until we had all finished dinner as a collective group, and Sokka asked me to walk with him back to his apartment near City Hall.
"Why are you doing this?" Sokka immediately spoke when we were a safe distance from the others.
I knew exactly what he was referring to. "You'll have to be more specific."
"Cut the crap, Toph. What the shit? Four months pregnant?" His heart raced and his blood throbbed. In anger, I'd presume. He felt he deserved better treatment than any of our other friends since he was my favorite. Very naive.
Under my breath, I breathed "four and a half" just for accuracy's sake, but of course…
"FOUR AND A HALF?" he nearly screamed. "You didn't tell me there was a baby inside of you for four and a half months?"
"What makes you think you deserve to know?" There's the cut-throat tone.
"Maybe, because I'm your best friend, Toph! I would've loved to have been there for you these past few months. You've been through every major event in my life." Then he added, as an afterthought, "And, also, maybe because we slep-"
My heart skipped. I knew what he was thinking. He was busy doing the math in his head, but too bad for him, I'd planned this entire conversation to a T.
"...slept together. Five months ago," he finished. I could feel his head raise, his eyes looking in my direction, searching for any sign of truth on my face. But if it was one thing I knew, it was how to compose my emotions.
I waited for him to speak again.
"No, Toph…" he began. "You would've told me."
This she had not been expecting. He was supposed to remark on the coincidence. Then he'd realize there are only two causations of the coincidence: either she was sleeping with another man at the same time or he was the father. Then he was supposed to get angry at her because he didn't want either possibility to be true, despite the fact that they weren't dating and he was with another woman. After he yelled at her for a bit, she would force him to shut up and listen and say, "You are absolutely crazy, Sokka. We haven't had sex since June." June was a safe seven months ago. He would believe her words immediately (relief of the other possibilities not being true would help with this). It would all work out perfectly. They could even continue as friends.
Only he messed it up. He had to go acting concerned and heroic, as per usual. He forced his way into my heart, and now he was twisting the blade.
He didn't ask it, either. He told me, and the confidence and assuredness in that statement only made this next part incredibly difficult:
"Told you what, Sokka?"
"I'm the father." Another statement.
"What of my daughter?" A falsified, shrill cackle. "Don't be so full of yourself, Sokka, our timing doesn't add up. I've had so many partners since you that I frankly have no idea who to connect to this baby."
Liar. Lie lie lie lie lie that's all you do. You've only had Sokka. It's only ever been Sokka. Forever and always...Sokka. But those thoughts needed to leave; it wouldn't do any good if I start pitying myself. This is the way it had to be.
But then, I hadn't expected Sokka…
"That's a lie, Toph. You're lying." His voice was even and his tone smooth. His heart was slowing to a healthy, relaxed beat. It would appear he had assumed control over the conversation.
"Sokka, you are making an absolute ass of yourself. Get your head out of the clouds and listen to what I'm trying to-"
"You think I'd be a bad father." He spoke softer than a whisper, but he knew I would be able to hear it.
A lump had suddenly risen to my throat. It felt like I was choking. With a great deal of effort, I pushed out (in a throaty, toad-like voice), "You are NOT the father of this baby."
I felt Sokka's shoulder's slump. I recognized that we'd walked long enough that we were in downtown, outside his apartment. He came to stop, and turned his body towards me.
His body didn't give away any sign. His heartbeat didn't betray his intentions and he cunningly maneuvered his feet so I wouldn't recognize what was happening until…
Until his body pressed against mine. And he touched my lips with his. He wrapped his muscular, councilman arms around my waist and opened his lips for my taking. So of course, I did. I assumed dominance, and he took the submissive side, and our bodies were moving as if by muscle memory. Everything was beautiful and peaceful, and when he pulled away, I wanted to rest my head against his shoulder and fall into a sweet eternal bliss with the one man who had ever snatched my heart.
But I didn't.
I stayed level with him and waited for him to speak. I didn't trust myself to stick to the plan anymore.
"You're trying to convince me that you have that with a million other guys?"
He was panting. The short make-out had tired him out just as much as it had tired me. I straightened my shoulders, and removed myself from his embrace.
"I'm not trying to convince you of anything." Smooth. Even. Monotonous. Lethal. "I don't care if you believe me Sokka, I'm just telling you the truth. Your opinion doesn't phase me or my daughter. Now, if I'm not mistaken we're outside your apartment. So I'm gonna leave you to your devices.
"See you in the morning, Councilman."
"Yeah, see you then, Chief."
…
"How did you get so big already?" Katara's sweet, maternal voice carried through the entire house when I opened the door. Su Yin had reached a whopping four years old, and she was nearly up to my belly button.
She ran up to the waterbender and hugged her knees. She reached her arms up, wanting Katara to lift her, but a large upslide of land immediately separated them when Katara bent down.
"Oh no. We are done with being held, Su Yin. You know better than that. Go find Lin, now. She should come say hi to Aunt Katara."
Su Yin, however, had different plans. She immediately began throwing a tantrum. Her tiny body was too small to contain all her rage. Spirits, she could be such a brat.
"Su Yin, I will not talk to you while you behave this way. Go take a break, and come back when you've calmed down."
Su Yin stormed off, and left a trail of footprints in the rock-hard earth behind her. Her earthbending needs taming, I noted mentally.
I turned my attention back to Katara. "It's a phase she's been going through. What can I help you with-"
Katara's heart fluttered beneath her chest. Two hearts fluttered. "I was the first person you told, so it seemed only fitting that I be the one to tell you!"
"Katara, I told you because you're a healer."
"I don't care about that. I was still the first person you told, and so now I'm telling you."
"But even if you didn't tell me, I would've known."
"But don't you feel so much better since I'm not hiding it from you?" her tone was hopeful and her beat happy. I decided to give it to her.
"Yeah. Yeah, I do. Thank you, Katara."
"Su Yin turned out to be so beautiful, by the way. Lin is of course stunning, but I was expecting that at eight years old."
"You're kids are really great, too." She took a seat on my sofa, so I followed her and sat down next to her. "Kya is so mature. She really knows how to order Tenzin around."
"Yeah, well, we're working on that. It's just such a different dynamic than I grew up with, y'know? I was the younger sister. But now, with Kya being almost six and still not getting along with her younger brother...it's just so different. Sokka and I are so much closer in age."
My breath hitched when she mentioned his name. I hadn't spoken with him about personal matters for four years. All of our conversations involved simple city issues and new laws and amendments. I guess he had nothing more to say to me.
"Speaking of Sokka-"
I recognized the delivery man's footsteps outside the door, and interrupted her to inform her the food was arriving. I'd ordered small dishes for the girls.
I rose to my feet, but little Su Yin yelled, "I want to get it! I want to get it!" from her bedroom. She came stomping out of her room, ran right by Katara, and hit the door.
I was glad to see her positive change in attitude, that I was happy to let her open the door.
"Hey little one," he spoke in baby-speech "You wanna go give this to your Mommy?" I heard the exchange of a crinkling plastic bag. Katara rose, too.
"Wow!" the man suddenly spoke to the room. "The resemblance is stunning." He wasn't pointing to me, though.
Before I could even open my mouth, Katara was answering. "Oh no, you seem to be mistaken. I'm not her mother."
"You're not? Sheesh, I tell you-same face shape and everything. Nearly the same complexion, too. What a coincidence!"
Katara let out an easy giggle. Her breathing was even. Her heartbeat was slow. She didn't suspect a thing. "That is crazy, but I assure you I did not give birth to this child. Toph, here, is her mother."
"Oh yeah? I see that, too," he recovered. In baby-speech he added, "You have your mother's eyes."
Su Yin said nothing back, but instead ran to me. She put the food into my hands, and skipped off back to her room. I paid the man and tipped him well. I shut the door walked back over to the Water Tribe woman.
"That was weird," Katara offered lightly.
"Yeah, I'm not sure what that man was implying."
"Well listen, Toph," she grabbed her bag from off the couch. "It was good seeing you. I know you have your hands full here, but everyone misses you. We don't get to see outside of work very often. I know Aang would love to catch up with you. Zuko's mentioned it a few times. And you are so close with Sokka! You should swing by sometime, seriously. You know where we are."
"Thanks, Katara, I'll keep that in mind." Keep your voice light and your tone easy. She'll be gone soon.
"I hope so. See you later then." She showed herself out.
I set to dividing up the delivered dishes for Lin and Su. My eyes must've stung from the thick smell of onions.
