You know the drill….the goods belong to Square…I've just borrowed 'em for a bit. Hee. Al thanks to Square! WOO!
The Winds of Change…
Dedicated to she who got me started on this path. My thanks dear friend…
Chapter 1.
Zell and Irvine looked at one another and shook their heads in unison. It was bad; really, really bad.
"C'mon pal, why don't'cha c'mon in with us, eh? We'll see if we can't find something t'drink and knock ya'll out for a bit."
"…leave me alone." The young man in the black leather jacket buried his face in his hands. The single sheet of paper he'd been holding fell to the ground and was instantly tossed skyward by an errant breeze.
"Squall, man, the Garden needs you man. You gotta come in outta the cold." Zell rubbed his hands over his arms. The air was freezing, each breath bringing forth frosty clouds of mist.
"…I said….leave me alone." Squall made a cutting gesture with one hand, continuing to stare down at the deck.
His two friends eyed each other doubtfully before Irvine choose to speak again.
"All right then partner, we'll just let y'be fer a spell, but we'll be expectin' y'back in 'round about lights out, you got that?"
"….whatever."
The two SeeDs retraced their steps and left their commander to his solitude as they sought the warm interior of the Garden. Their commander, one Squall Leonhart, remained where he sat too shocked to care about the frigid wind that tore at his hair and chaffed his skin.
High above the letter fluttered on, buffeted by the winds and carried far away, it's troublesome message delivered.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"There! That should do it!" Selphie popped up and wiped off her hands. "You really gotta be more careful little guy!"
"Laguna!" A moomba popped up out of the hole and scampered a short distance off, dusting the dirt out of it's coat.
"Ah, you have found the little one!" An tall Shumi bowed respectfully before offering a long fingered hand to the perky young SeeD. "How did you find him?"
Selphie's laugh sounded as light and merry as the ringing of tiny bells. "Oh, it was easy. All I had to do was start talking about Sir Laguna. Sure enough, as soon as he heard me he started chirping 'Laguna! Laguna!' she shrugged and laughed some more, "I guess it's yet another thing the moombas and I have in common…we just adore Laguna!" Her expression became a bit more serious as she dusted off her skirt, "You really shouldn't let him do that sort of work though, he's so much smaller than the other moombas, he always gets stuck down in those deep holes."
The Shumi nodded sagely, "Yes, we know. But he is the only moomba able to find the stones that we seek. He has a gift for it."
"Yeah…I know. Maybe you could give him a partner or something? You know…one of the bigger moombas to get him out of the hole? I hate to see him getting stuck all the time." Selphie had walked over to where the little moomba was sitting, still grooming his fur. She knelt down and gently helped comb his fur out, smiling gently when the fuzzy creature chirped at her brightly.
"Perhaps Miss Tilmitt would like the little one as a personal assistant when she leaves the Shumi Village?"
Selphie's bright green eyes grew round and she stared up at the Shumi in awe.
"You're serious? Really? I can take him with me when I leave?" Her voice was a breathy whisper.
"The Elder feels that the little one has grown attached to you, and realizes that he is unsuited for work in the Shumi Village…so, with you he will go, if you will have him."
"oOooooooh!" Selphie squealed as she wrapped her arms about the little moomba, evoking a rather startled squeak in the process. "You hear that? You get to come with me when I leave? Would you like that?"
"Laguna?"
"Sure, we see Laguna a lot at Balamb Garden. I'm sure he'd be happy to meet you." She hugged the little moomba gleefully, "I hear he really has a soft spot for moombas!"
The moomba squeaked in delight and began to hop and frisk around the clearing in the Shumi Village.
"ooh! Look out!" Selphie cried, as the moomba promptly fell back into the hole he'd be helped out of.
"Well, I guess I'll have to get him back out." Selphie shrugged and clambered back into the pit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"I'm really worried about him Cid, he won't eat, he won't even leave his quarters. There has to be something we can do."
"Now, now, Edea darling, he needs to deal with this crisis in his own way. You know that."
"I know, but, his friends are worried sick about him. I'm afraid this is beginning to affect just about everyone here in Garden. He is so well loved and respected, everyone is so afraid for him."
Edea Kramer wiped at her eyes with a wispy handkerchief while her husband patted her shoulder gently.
"I know you love him like your very own child m'dear, but we can't treat him like a child any longer. He's a grown man, and he must deal with this problem on his own. I'm sure he'll realize that he still has his friends and he's start to cope with this in due time." The dowdy little instructor stroked his wife's long black hair before returning to his desk. "I will check in with the other students though, and keep tabs on his progress for you, my dear wife. Alright?" He smiled kindly over his glasses at the only woman he'd ever loved.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The room was dark. A lone figure lay still and quiet, one arm thrown across his face. Squall turned restlessly, every waking moment was a torment, yet he could not sleep. His dreams were haunted by the words he'd read when he'd opened the letter. Those fateful words…
Rising from the bed he staggered across his room, his socks scuffing against the rough carpet on the floor. The mirror near the door revealed a haggard visage. Between not shaving and the dark circles under his eyes, he resembled nothing so much as the survivor of some cataclysmic event.
Well, to him it had been cataclysmic…
His shoulders stooped, he ran his fingers lightly over the case which contained the Lionheart. He squeezed his eyes shut and clenched his jaw. If only he could take the gunblade and destroy that which was slowly tearing his mind asunder…
He shook his head. He knew that in this case, violence was definitely not the answer. All he really wanted was a respite from the grief; from the pain that threatened to overwhelm him with each beat of his heart. The mighty warrior had been brought low, struck down by the one thing he'd cherished more than anything else.
Sinking to the floor he rested his cheek against the cool hard surface of the case. Then, for the first time in days, he slept.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"But, how did it happen?" Xu looked at the stunning blonde seated across from her in the cafeteria. "I mean, wasn't there any warning at all?"
Quistis shook her head sadly, "none I'm afraid."
"How's he doing? Is he recovering?"
"It doesn't seem like it. Zell said that he thinks he may have gotten some sleep the other night, but he's still not eating very much, and he won't come out of his room."
"It just doesn't seem like him at all.." Xu trailed off as a somber looking trio approached the table.
"It's more like him than you realize."
Quistis and Xu both stared coldly at the tall blonde wearing a long white overcoat.
"Like you would know." Quistis nodded acquiescence to his silent request to join them.
Seifer sat down and stretched his long legs under the table. His friends, Ragin and Fujin sat on either side.
"I would know. Why d'you think we were always getting into it with one another. We're too much alike. I know exactly what he's going through right now."
"Then how do we help him, Mr. Know-it-all?" Xu challenged.
Seifer leaned forward and shook his head wearily, "You don't. None of us can help him. He has to get through this on his own. When the time is right, someone or something will come along and trigger the healing process, but until that time," he shook his head again.
"You mean, we can't do anything?" Quistis looked pleadingly into Seifer's cool blue eyes.
"You can be there for him, but that's about it. You can't push him or he'll lose it. Trust me Quistis, I've been there."
Quistis nodded mutely, reaching out to gently clasp Seifer's hand in her own for a moment. It was true, Seifer had been in a similar place and they'd all seen where it had taken him.
An uncomfortable silence, born of their mutual worry settled over the group as their thoughts drifted to the same person.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"What'd you find there little guy?" Selphie knelt down next to the little moomba and examined what he held in his paws. They had left the Shumi Village and headed for Edea's orphanage. Cid had given Selphie use of the Ragnarok, and Edea had messaged asking if she'd stop and pick up some files on her way back to the Garden. The little moomba had scampered off to the seaside while Selphie retrieved the files and it was there that they'd found the parchment.
"oooh! A letter!" She looked at the rumpled, but fine powder blue parchment.
The paper was tattered and torn a bit. As she smoothed the parchment on her knee, she noted that the upper corner of the page was missing. There was no name that she could identify and so she began to read.
"ooh, how sad." Her eyes grew misty.
The little moomba squeaked inquisitively and rested one fuzzy paw on her arm.
"I'm okay little guy, it's just a sad letter." She indicated the parchment, "apparently, someone lost someone else who was very dear to them. It's very, very sad." She held out the parchment and continued to read what was written. Her brow furrowed as she finished the letter.
"You know, I can't help but thinking that I know this handwriting." She flipped the parchment over and examined the signature closely. It had been bleared and smudged beyond her ability to decipher. Shaking her head she balled up the crumpled letter and tapped the little moomba on the top of his fuzzy head.
"C'mon, lets get us back home! I can't wait to introduce you to everyone!" She tossed the ball of paper into the air lightly, "We'll just make sure this goes into the waste bin and we'll be on our way! We can't litter you know." She waggled on finger playfully at the moomba and headed back to where the Ragnarok sat waiting.
The flight home was uneventful and she was glad when they were finally able to land next to Balamb Garden. Bounding off the ship she was startled to note that there was no one present to greet her.
Funny
she thought, I would've thought that at least Quistis'd be here to say hello. I've only been gone for a couple of weeks after all.Shaking her head, she headed into the school, her little moomba bounding along beside her, squeaking with excitement.
Suddenly she saw a familiar figure ahead of her.
"Zell! Hey! HI!" She bounded forward and pounded on the short fighter.
"Oh, hey Selphie." Zell dug his hands into his pockets and started to shuffle off down the hall once more.
"Hey, don't be so happy to see me then." Her green eyes were suddenly filled with hurt.
Zell paused and looked back at the little woman in the bright yellow dress. "Oh, hey Selphie. I'm sorry. It's just, well, ever since Squall got that letter…things've been real tense around here. Everyone is so worried about him. Y'know?"
Selphie shook her head and her face grew troubled. "No, what are you talking about? I've been in Shumi Village the past two weeks, remember? Working on a communications installation?"
Zell ran his fingers through his spiky hair, "Oh yeah, that." He grinned sheepishly, "Sorry Selph, I forgot."
Selphie rolled her eyes expressively and let out an exaggerated sigh, "See?" She looked down at the little moomba, "I leave for a few days and the whole place starts falling apart."
Zell's expression was troubled. "You don't know the half of it."
Together they walked down the long hallway, Zell telling her of the day when Squall had first received the news…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Squall?" Selphie knocked on the door lightly, then tested the latch. The door swung open.
Stepping into the darkened room Selphie was struck by the sight of a young man sitting forlornly on his bed. Elbows resting on his knees, Squall was seated at the edge of his bed, his head hanging.
Selphie stepped forward tentatively. "Squall?" she asked again softly. "Zell told me about what happened. I wanted to stop by and see if you needed anything."
She took a few more hesitant steps towards her friend. Reaching out one hand she touched him lightly on the shoulder.
"Squall?"
Finally he raised his and Selphie was struck by the sadness and hurt she found there. His face was haggard, pale and drawn. It was frightening how bad he looked, but Selphie just smiled gently. She knew exactly what to do.
Taking Squall's arm firmly in her tiny hands, she pulled him upright.
"C'mon you, YOU are going to get yourself cleaned up first and foremost, while I get you something to eat. Enough is enough. You've had your time to mourn, now it's time to move on. You got me mister?" She continued to gently lead her friend towards the room's refresher.
Squall looked down and started to protest, he just wanted to be left alone. But Selphie gave him a look of such trust and kindness that he didn't have the heart to refuse her. Out of all his friends, Selphie had always been the one to always try and make any situation seem more hopeful. He realized with no little surprise, that she was usually right. The corners of his mouth turned up slightly, but no change of expression reached his stormy eyes.
"Now you clean up, I'll be right back!"
Selphie spun on her heel and dashed from the room as the refresher door clicked shut, there was so much she needed to do. . .
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Selphie pelted off down the hall, her boots making a rapid tattoo on the hard floor of the hallway. Students stepped hastily out of her way as she rounded corners and sped through the garden on her way to the cafeteria.
"Whao there gal! What's yer hurry?"
"Ooh! Irvy, hey." Selphie replied absently.
She moved to go around the tall gunslinger and was suddenly brought up short. Irvine had grabbed her arm, causing her to turn around, away from her destination.
"Irvy, I'm in a hurry. I've gotta get some food." She looked pleadingly up at her friend and tried to free her arm from his grasp.
"Now, I know the Shumi fed you while you're were away little lady, I'm sure your tummy can wait a moment or two while you say 'hey' to your best buddy, eh?"
"Oh, let her go…can't you see she's in a rush?" Irvine's latest girlfriend glared jealously at the tiny brunette.
"Aw, relax babe. Selphie's been my best friend since we were kids, 'n' I wanna know what's got her so riled up that's she's bowlin' over cadets in her hurry t'get to the dinin' hall."
"Ooh Irvy." Selphie glanced apologetically at the latest girlfriend, then started to hop from one foot to the other, "I got the letter! I found it…on the beach…but I didn't' realize who it was for 'cause the names were gone and then Zell told me about what happened and I had to go see him and I did and now he's getting cleaned up and I promised I'd get him something to eat and I need to hurry 'cause you know how he is and he'll be done in no time and think I'm not coming back and he'll get more upset and I wanna try and make him feel better not worse and…"
Irvine started to laugh, interrupting the almost violent tirade issuing forth. "Okay, okay." He released her arm and waved in the general direction of the cafeteria, "go and fetch food then Selphie."
He laughed some more and Selphie noticed that Irvine seemed to have suddenly let go of a great emotional weight.
"Hey, are you okay Irvy?" She looked up into his face, her green eyes wide with concern.
"I'm loads better now that you're back and seem to be breakin' through t'Squall. You go and talk to that fella. If he'll listen to anyone, it'll be you."
Selphie bounced and smiled broadly, "Okay! Thanks! Talk to you later!"
"Hey! Keep me posted on what happens gal!" Irvine shouted after as she dashed into the cafeteria.
"Keep him posted on what happens with what?" asked a quiet voice.
Selphie came to a stumbling halt, almost crashing into Quistis. She smiled brightly at the older woman and indicated the serving line,
"Well, I went to talk to Squall and…"
"You didn't! Selphie…he needs his space, you leave him alone, do you hear me?"
Selphie blinked in surprise. "No he doesn't. He needs his friends, he needs to know that he's still loved."
"We can't nurse him through this Selphie, he's got to get through it on his own."
"Bah." Selphie snorted, "If he'd've ignored me when I went to see him I'd've left him alone. But he didn't. Now, I've got him getting himself cleaned up and I'm not going to have him get out of the shower and find that I've not come back as promised with something to eat. Whatever's happened has happened, but he's ready to start coming around now and I'm going to be there to help him out." She glared up at the tall blonde woman, her expression almost pugnacious.
Quistis took a step back in surprise and then smiled sheepishly. "I guess I was being a little bossy there. I'm sorry Selphie, we're all just so worried about Squall."
Selphie relented, but the worried expression didn't leave her face. "I know, but if I don't get back there, he might close up again. Please Quistis, I really need to go."
Quistis nodded and responded briefly, "Okay, well, do keep us posted. Good luck."
Selphie dashed off and got into the line, waiting impatiently for her turn to come. Finally she was able to place her order. She quickly let the cafeteria lady know what she was about and the woman agreed to pack the meal to go. Moments later, Selphie had an armful of neatly packed white cartons and a kind message from the cafeteria lady.
"Tell that boy we're all with him, you hear? Give him my regards."
The cafeteria lady had always had a soft spot for the taciturn young man who'd helped her become reunited with her son. Selphie mused the Squall really didn't realize how well loved he truly was by all the people around him.
Making her way back to Squall's room carefully, she was relieved to find that the shower was still running in the refresher. She quickly cleared the worktable of assorted gunblade parts and began making a plate for Squall.
Hearing the sound of rushing water stop in the refresher, she perched herself on a stool at the work table and nibbled nervously on a green bean. She really was worried about Squall. He was a strong fighter, but he was too critical of himself, to easily hurt by other people's actions. He needed to realize that there was always someone there for him.
Squall emerged from the refresher wearing a clean white shirt and soft sweats. He carried in one arm the clothes he'd shed, and tossing them onto his bed, he returned to where Selphie sat, eyeing the table suspiciously.
"You expect me to eat all that?" He raised one eyebrow and indicated the copious amounts of food arranged before him.
"Well, I didn't know what you liked." Selphie smiled apologetically and giggled, "Anyway, you know how excited I get when I'm on a mission. I guess I got a little carried away."
Squall actually tried to smile as he sat down. "It's okay Selph, I don't mind really. But," he raised one finger and waggled it at her, "I expect you to help me eat some of this."
The pair sat in silence for a time. Selphie glanced at Squall's face nervously. She wanted dreadfully to ask him so many questions. But, she didn't want to pry either.
"You know Selphie, I don't know why I've been acting the way I have been. Everyone probably thinks I'm just a complete and utter brain case."
"Oh no, Squall, not at all. They're just worried about you."
"Yeah, but," Squall pushed aside his plate, "everyone's lost someone they care about right? It's dumb to be acting like this. She was just a girl, and she found someone new. I should be able to cope with this, but…"
"But every time you think about her your heart clenches, your hands get cold, and you want to crawl into bed and pretend nothing ever happened." Selphie finished for him.
Squall leaned back in his chair and stared at her in surprise. "Yeah, but…how did you know?"
"You think "I've never been in love before?" Selphie smiled kindly. "Gosh, I had the hugest crush on Irvy just forever. But, he's likes his gals tall and blonde. I can't tell you how depressed I was when I found out that the love he bears for me is fraternal. I thought I wanted to die." Her large, emerald green eyes grew dark as she remembered her own dark days.
"She left me for someone else Selph, she said I was too stoic, to reserved." He laughed sarcastically, "She needed someone more spontaneous."
Selphie nodded sympathetically. "I know, I read the letter. It was so sad, I.."
"What?" Squall interrupted her, "How'd you read it? I lost that letter, it blew away while the Garden was in flight."
"I found it." Selphie explained. The names were gone, so I didn't know who it was for or from, but it was so sad. I couldn't help thinking that someone's heart was breaking and there was nothing I could do to help them. Imagine how surprised I was to find out that the letter was for you from Rinoa! I almost passed out when Zell told me what had happened. I realized then what it was I'd found, and I knew I could do something to help."
"And what was that? Come here and bully me into taking a shower?"
Selphie laughed lightly and slapped Squall's arm, "No silly! I could just be your friend, and let you know how much you mean to me. You've done so much for so many people, you can't let yourself get blinded by just one person's love."
"I wanted to spend my life with her Selphie," Those stormy eyes grew dark and troubled, "and she left me…she just…left."
Selphie reached out and touched Squall's arm gently, "but better that you find out now, rather than in say 10 years after you're married and have a family. Right?
Squall nodded, "Yeah. Actually, I knew things were coming to an end." Tears stood in his eyes, but he swallowed hard and pressed on. "I just couldn't face being alone again. I—I wanted someone to love, not just a friend, but a partner, you know?"
"I know. But you can't forget that there are other people who care about you. Gosh, the whole school's depressed right now because they're all so worried about you."
"I don't' think I can face everyone Selphie, I'm so embarrassed. To have fallen apart like this…"
"Oh, don't be silly. It's happened to all of us. Just remember that everyone is acting the way they are because they care."
"They care."
"Right." Selphie leaned back and smiled sweetly. "See? It's easy."
"Well, It's easy to say, doing is something else altogether." Squall seemed to draw back in on himself, his eyes becoming distant.
Selphie leaned forward and placed one hand on his cheek, forcing him to look her in the eye. "Look, I'll make you a promise, okay?"
Squall's expression was dull, "what?"
"I'll be right here," Squall's face paled at those words but Selphie continued, stroking his cheek gently, "by your side, to help you remember how much you are loved. Okay?"
Squall looked at her in surprise, "You will?"
"I will. You're a good friend Squall. It's the least I can do, to be there for you when you're in your darkest hour."
Squall stood up and pulled the small woman into his arms. He held her tightly for a moment before responding.
"You always have been Selphie, I don't know how I could have forgotten."
She giggled again and tapped his forehead, "The GF silly! They make you forget all the important stuff."
Squall smiled finally, a real smile that reached his eyes. "That must be it."
He looked at the remains of their meal and became serious, "Well, I guess I'd better clean this stuff up and report in. I'm sure Cid has a whole list of assignments waiting."
"He probably does…but I'll help you if you want." Selphie was already helping clear the table.
Squall nodded in agreement, "Alright then. It's back to business." Reaching out he took her hand, interrupting her work, "Hey, Selphie?"
"Yeah?"
"Thanks."
