To Miss What You Never Had.
Prologue- "Devastation."
It was a strange night. Not because of the weather or because of the things that took place within this night. Although the occurrences of this particular night were sad, devastating even, they weren't the reason one might view the night as strange. It was simply strange because, exactly thirty years previous on this same date, everything felt exactly the same. The breeze was very cold and carried with it just the smallest of snow flurries but the little bits of snow that fell did not stick; it melted away fairly quickly. As it had previously, the day seemed to have dragged on forever for most everybody who was experiencing it. Just as thirty years previous, a boy by the name of Danny was waiting anxiously for the arrival of his younger brother. His mother and stepfather were just as eagerly waiting the brother, having both commented then on the happiness that his arrival would bring and were doing so again now. What was so strange about the day was also that nobody there felt the uneasy déjà vu that should have been so obvious. What was also so odd was the fact the man who was born exactly on this day thirty years previous had gotten quite possibly the worst news he could ever have in contrast to his first day on the world; his arrival was welcomed and a very happy occasion. The news he'd just received was not welcome and most definitely was not a reason to be happy.
This day was exactly like the day he was born on in so many ways, and yet so different in the most obscene ways imaginable. Today, it was Dougie Poynter's thirtieth birthday. And just today, he found out that he would not live to turn forty.
"He should be here any minute." Dougie's mother was saying, hushing the large crowd in her living room. They all turned to look at her, smiles on their faces. "He's just gotten off of work, and I've asked him to pop in before he went home. So everyone, keep your voices down!"
The happy chatter continued, but as she'd asked, they kept it to a low murmur so their guest of honor wouldn't hear them when he arrived.
Everybody was there. People he worked with, old friends from school, his distant family; but the most wonderful of all was his immediate family. Danny Jones was there, his half brother. Both of his parents and his stepfather, whom was Danny's birth father. The four of them were nearly never together all in one room. Despite the fact that the divorced couple were adamantly avoiding each other, it was quite a big thing for them to be together. Especially with Dougie's father around. His mother had remarried when Danny was a small boy of two, leaving behind Danny's father to marry Dougie's. It was a bit of a complicated thing, but for the woman's sake, the men in her life tried very hard to be at least civil to each other.
"Where is he?" Danny had marched across the room towards his mother. Dougie worked fairly nearby, and the guests had been waiting, still speaking in a low murmur, for nearly an hour.
"Should I call?" She fussed, fiddling nervously with her fingers. "He probably just forgot.." She sighed, "You know your brother. After work, he gets tired."
"I'll go check." Danny decided, grabbing his coat from a large pile by the door.
"Don't tell him anything!" She insisted. "It's a surprise!"
"Yeah, I know." He murmured, then walked out into the chill of the November air, closing the door behind him with a bit too much force.
Unbeknownst to Danny, his half-brother was currently walking up the street, bundled in layers of clothing and hunched against the cold bite of the wind. It was so cold, it was waking him out of his trance. Dougie hadn't been sure that anything could manage that.
Closing his eyes tightly, he stopped walking as the reality of the past few hours sunk in. He couldn't cry, although he felt desperate to. His insides hurt from the need to sob and release all the sadness he felt, and he wondered why he couldn't. When his eyes opened again, he saw a figure nearing him and knew right away who it was. His brother had a distinctive walk that Dougie was sure he could pick out in a crowd of people.
"Hello, Dan." He said, in a normal tone of voice as the figure marched directly passed him, seemingly annoyed.
"Dougie?" Danny turned and searched the red-cheeked face in the darkness, his eyes squinting. With his many layers, Dougie looked much thicker then he was and the hoods he wore pressed tightly to his cheeks, making his face seem a bit fat. But Danny knew him once he really looked; the eyes were obviously his brother's.
"I'm sorry I'm late for my surprise party." Dougie started, knowing right away why his half-brother was out in the cold. "I had something to do..""Something that was more important then keeping Mum happy?" Danny snapped. "What was it? A date, probably. Did you meet some pretty woman at work and skip off on this, the party our poor Mum's been planning for months, to go out with her?"
Dougie didn't respond. He knew his brother would react badly in a number of ways if he told him where he'd really been, so he stuffed his hands deeply in the pockets of his jeans, and continued on his way. Once he reached his mother's door, the guests inside had long since forgotten to keep their voices down and their happy chatter made his stomach churn. The fact that people could be so happy when he felt so miserable seemed very cruel. The door was wretched open, and Dougie was revealed to the people inside.
"SURPRISE!"
The loud cries rang out in a vast array of voices; his mother's naturally being the first and loudest. Dougie attempted a smile as she pulled him into the house, hugging him about the waist and fussing over her 'baby'. He felt a stab of guilt when he looked down at her. He wondered how he was ever going to get the courage to tell her what he'd just discovered. The devastation he felt could not be masked at all by the partygoers nearest him, and the moment his top most layers were laying on top of the pile of coats, people began to question him.
"What's the matter, Doug?" A man called out, and Dougie recognized him as someone he'd gone to school with; they used to catch frogs in the small creek around the back of the schoolyard during lunch. "Are you that upset about turning the big three-oh?"
Dougie faked a smile that pacified a few people enough to chuckle.
"Come on!" A woman's voice insisted; his cousin on his father's side. "Perk up! It's a party."
As he searched the faces before him for the face of his cousin, he felt a small, warm hand grasp his own. The gesture was comforting, soothing, and was apparently the trigger to bring tears to his eyes.
"Mum?" He looked down at her face and felt like crawling into her lap and crying like a child. He just wanted to be held and nurtured now, but it was far too late. He hated to ruin the party plans, to put everybody in a bad mood but it wasn't in his hands. What he needed to say had to be said eventually, and he knew if he got it over with now then they could, somehow, learn to deal with it sooner. "I need to talk to you alone."
"Just me?" She murmured, giving his hand a soft squeeze as she noticed his watering eyes. "Or your father as well?"
"Dad, too. And Danny.." He looked behind him at his brother, who was looking increasingly worried. As the two of them whispered, the guests began to talk amongst themselves, unable to hear them and without standing near to him, they couldn't see Dougie's tears. They assumed nothing was wrong, and continued to be happy as Dougie took his family into the nearest room and locked the door behind them.
The small bathroom was crowded with the four of them, all looking scared and anxious. Now that he had them ready to listen, Dougie forgot how to speak. His throat felt dry and swallowing hurt. He reached up his hand to grasp it, and his mother gasped.
"You've hurt yourself." She held his injured finger in her hands, and grimaced. "How did you do that?"
Pulling his hand away, he examined the bruised cut on his finger that had been the reason all of this had happened. Foolish as it was to blame the cut, he realized if he hadn't injured himself at work and with to the hospital for a tetanus shot, he never would have found out. He could have lived his last days blissfully unaware…but he knew, and there was no turning back. He shoved the injured hand into his jeans pocket.
"I'm sick." He muttered. "I was late today because I went to the hospital and they found out there."
Her blue eyes lifted to meet his own, and confusion and worry was evident on her face. "Sick?"
He avoided her eyes and instead looked at the wall between his father and brother. His voice was barely audible when he spoke next, but he couldn't have said more if he'd screamed the word and it's definition into their faces.
"Cancer."
