* I the writer own none of these characters or the storyline or anything else, apart from Scarlett so hands off! *

Dear Diary

I feel sick. Physically aswell as mentally. I cant believe this happened. I cant believe that i gave in. All i could think was that one day it might make me famous. Just try and act professional. But its not as easy as that. The way he looked at me when i removed my blouse, made my stomach churn. But still i kept looking at the camara. As my tears started to fall i couldn't bear the fact that it was still there, watching me. He went on and on about how in the end this would make me famous. How the pictures were classy and would be sent all over the world. Looking back on it i very much doubt that they'll reach anyone in the arts.

I feel dirty. As though the looks he gave me came from inside my skin and were trembling to get out. Even now i can feel it, scaping away at my flesh. Trying to get in. But it wont, i wont let it. It sounds so twisted all of this, especially considering as he didn't even touch me. But the thing is, he didn't have to. All the actions he would have made were right in his eyes and the way he looked at me. In the way he spoke, and the actions he told me to do. I've scrubbed myself three times already and still i can feel the dirt underneath my skin. I try not to think about it but i cant help it. I cant stop thinking that it was something i did. That maybe i caused him to do those things. And it was my fault really. Weren't it?

I feel dead. I've decided to leave the acadamy. I know it sounds harsh but all i've ever wanted is to be famous and for people to like me for my abilty to sing and dance. But look where it got me. In a collection of porno pictures and in a state so bad i cant move from this darkened place. You cant really call it a room. I had so many plans of what i was going to do with it but now they have all disappeared. The same thoughts keep spinning round and round inside my head, and i can tell you that they are definitely not about decorating. I'll probably be kicked out of here soon. the rent was due ages ago and considering the fact that i have not a penny i doubt it'll last. Oh well, I'm sure i'll find somewhere else soon.

I dont know wot else to say really. But my eyes are starting to swell again and the tears are already falling so i should make my exit before i make a total screw up of things. Not that i haven't already but it'll be best if i leave now. Leave the acadamy. Leave all my troubles. Leave the stage. And i dont think i could bear to come back again.

Goodbye for now my friend

Coco