A/N: This is a Captain Swan AU – Emma is a pediatric surgeon in her 4th year of residency. Killian is a ghost from Emma's past who shows up unexpectedly. The AU takes place in Northern Virginia – Arlington/Alexandria to be specific. This is my very first fan fiction – so I appreciate any and all comments. As well, thank you to all my Beta Readers (I had three who really helped out! I am so thankful for the feedback you gave me!)
UPDATE: Hey everyone! On 10/10/16 I updated the chapter. I just realized that for some odd reason the items I used to break up scenes disappeared, which could make reading the story a bit difficult. All of the chapters have been updated, so hopefully the reading will be a bit better.
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. I just borrow them from time to time to play.
CHAPTER ONE:
Emma started her Wednesday morning rather aggressively – by slamming her alarm and cursing out "Fuck" as she rolled back over. She'd already been awake twenty minutes; her dreams of "simpler times" that were more like nightmares than dreams kept her staring out her window. She knew she deserved more sleep, but knew it would never come. She debated just lying there for a few more minutes, enjoying the relaxation and peace, but in the end, a shower won.
Crawling out of the bed, she made her way to the bathroom. Today was an important day for Emma. Today, she would be performing her very first solo surgery. Today would be the day that Emma finally became the doctor she was destined to be. Today was a day of change.
Looking in the mirror, though, deflated Emma's feelings. She didn't see the face of a doctor. She didn't see the face of someone who was confident enough to be a doctor. Her green eyes were tired and dull; her complexion was pasty and lifeless. The woman she was looking at was scared shitless.
In that moment, memories flooded Emma's mind. She remembered college and med school; how she pushed through all the bullshit and stereotypes to get to her dream. No longer could she be the woman who was doubtful. She was a real doctor and god dammit she was going to look like one. Channeling her inner Addison Montgomery, she spoke to herself you are ready, you got this. And with that Emma turned on her playlist and got pumped.
She showered and blow-dried her long blonde hair, actually taking the time to look presentable. She'd always been told she was a striking woman, and today, she was going to use that to her advantage. Throwing on a bit of mascara and lip-gloss, she made her way downstairs.
I look good, confident.
"So, first real surgery today? You exited? Nervous? Hello… Earth to Emma!" called out Regina. She'd been Emma's roommate since freshman year. Emma shook herself from her thoughts, and stared at the raven-haired woman.
"Both. These are tiny humans I'm operating on, but I'm excited. It's weird, I kept having strange dreams last night and I didn't sleep well, yet I feel relaxed. Is that crazy?"
"Not at all. I remember when I first stepped into a courtroom; I almost pissed myself. I had the weirdest dream the night before about my father too. I think it's good to feel that way."
Regina was right. Emma always admired her confidence – and knowing that Regina was one of the most sought after divorce attorneys in the state, helped calm her even more.
Sure Emma was still scared. She was worried she would mess up, but she knew she had this. The little kids she'd be working with had their whole lives ahead of them and she knew that the nervousness would only help her make the right decisions. The feelings that were stewing now were there before – during harder times and she succeeded then. She could succeed now.
Grabbing her things, Emma turned to Regina, "Thanks, I gotta get going. You got Henry today, or is Robin taking him?" Henry was Emma's nine-year-old son, who'd decided to take on the challenge of sleeping away his entire summer break. Each day he decided to see how long he could sleep in 'til. It was the fear she had when she got pregnant with Henry her freshman year that pushed her to succeed. She couldn't believe how far they'd both come since.
"I got him for now, but Robin's going to take him later. You don't have to worry. Go, be a super surgeon and kick ass. You'll be brilliant!"
Emma hugged Regina and rushed out the door. Plugging her phone into her car, she chose her favorite song and drove to Alexandria Memorial Hospital determined and convinced that today would be the day that her life changed for the better.
Rushing through the doors of the hospital, Emma was overcome with feelings; hope, thrill, urgency, but most of all happiness. All of her senses were on high alert: the hairs of her arms were standing at attention; her heart was racing, and her entire body vibrating from the excitement that she gets when she enters the hospital. The hospital was her happy place. The environment and events that surround a hospital were what gave her life. For her mother, who was a schoolteacher, it was the classroom - the smell of new school supplies, the noise of children on their first day. For her father, a military man, it was the flight line - the sounds of a fighter jet taking off, the vibrations of the engine, the sight of fuel burning. For Emma, it was the hospital – the smell of sterilization, the sounds of chaos, the sight of scrubs. It gave her energy; it was like the air she needed to breathe. She was never more herself than when she was in a hospital.
Ever since she was a young girl, she was drawn to hospitals and medicine. When she got sick at ten and had to have her tonsils removed, she become more obsessed. She remembered telling her mother that day that she was going to be a surgeon. She worked hard to get where she was. She studied her ass off, while keeping a job, and raising a tiny human. Now here she was, a fourth year resident at Alexandria Memorial Hospital, studying under some of the best pediatric surgeons in the world. This was where she belonged. This was home.
Emma was standing at the coffee cart getting her coffee – OK it was more like she was getting her morning caffeine fix that she needed in order to actually function – when she heard the voice of one of her best friends behind her.
"You know that stuff is going to give you a heart attack or an ulcer right? And when it kills you, I will not weep over your coffin." Mary Margaret had been Emma's best friend since they met in elementary school – which is a long time for people like them. They both grew up in military families. Every four years or so, you get a new school, new home, new set of friends, losing the past ones. But through it all, Mary Margaret had been there, refusing to let their friendship die. They wrote back and forth weekly while Emma's family was stationed in Europe then Asia, and Mary Margaret's family moved from Connecticut to California. They would visit once a year, but the letters are what got Emma through the rough patches of middle school and the start of high school. They were finally reunited in the tenth grade when both families were finally stationed in the same city together, right outside of Washington D.C. They begged their families to send them to the same school, and after a lot of begging, they succeeded and got to finish high school together. Those final three years of school were the best of Emma's life. Everything had been perfect.
"Please" Emma said while rolling her eyes "You drink more coffee than me, but you don't hear me bitching. Hopefully the coffee will kill you first and I can finally get my caffeine fix without you mothering me." With a smile on her face she continued, "So, what's up? Shouldn't you be in the weekly meeting of the Cancer Squad?" Mary Margaret shook her head. She is a therapist with the hospital who runs counseling sessions for children suffering from traumas or who have terminal cancer. Normally Wednesday mornings are reserved for the Cancer Squad – a group of eight teens who are almost permanent residents of the hospital – that believed they needed a name and cool t-shirts for their weekly get together. While Mary Margaret hated the name they gave themselves, it was her favorite part of the week and she never missed a meeting; even when she was sick with the flu, she skyped herself in for the meeting.
"Emma you know I hate that name, but yes, I was actually on my way there when I saw you. But first I wanted to say good luck. I know you won't need it, because you are a brilliant surgeon who kicks ass" It was at that point her expression changed. Emma had memorized all of her expressions, and this one was laced with concern and worry. "I also wanted to make sure you were ok, you know, because of what today is."
Only then did it dawn on Emma the significance of the day. No wonder she had been dreaming of high school. It was no wonder that the blue eyes she dreamt about woke her from her sleep in a sweat. It had been ten years since they had all graduated from high school, since the rug was ripped from underneath her; exactly ten years. She had lost the most important person in her life that day. Since then her life had consisted of doubt, fear, disappointment, sadness, paired with lots and lots of Tequila. It was a surprise that Emma didn't realize this sooner. Of course the first time she got to do a true solo surgery would be the day she lost him.
With a small smile, one that was trying to hide the hurt, she replied "Thanks Mary Margaret, but I'm OK. I am finally getting to do what I enjoy, and without the constant eye of my attendings watching me. Sure, it's been ten years, but look how far we've all come. I'm not that girl from high school, I'm OK now." No she wasn't the same anymore, that day had changed Emma forever.
"Alright." Mary Margaret replied. "But, if you decide that you wanna talk, you know where to find me." With that Mary Margaret walked away with her coffee and left Emma to her own thoughts. Emma was thankful she didn't pry; Mary Margaret knows that there is no way in hell that Emma is going to talk about that fucked up night with anyone. It had taken Emma two years just to be able to hear his name without crying or having to leave the room because of a panic attack; three for her to be able to say the name herself. Hell, even two years ago she was still locking herself away at the beach with a trusty bottle of Tequila, a sappy show, and junk food to get her through the memories of that day. She was finally in a place where the memory of him doesn't cripple her. No, she wasn't going to talk about it, and definitely not today. Today is just a normal day. Today is just a normal day. Today is just a normal day. She kept chanting to herself as she drank her coffee and headed up for rounds.
Emma was studying her patient's charts at the nurses' station waiting on her attending. Lillian Donohue was an ten-year-old girl who was admitted last night with pain over McBurney's point. Emma's attending was in the ER when Lillian was brought in by her family. Emma was told by her attending an hour later that she would be performing the appendectomy the following morning, as there were no available ORs that night due to a major trauma that came in right before Lillian. Her last set of vitals were stable and normal. Dr. Ingrid Capshaw, Emma's attending, was a remarkable surgeon. She was the best mentor a girl could ask for; Emma had been doing procedures with her for years and Dr. Capshaw always found a way to include Emma in the procedure, even as an intern. She was the one who felt Emma was ready to finally do a surgery without an attending watching over.
As Emma was reminiscing about her very first surgery as an intern, Dr. Capshaw skated into the station with a giant smile on her face. "Ready Dr. Swan? What am I saying? Of course you are ready. You always are. Let's head over get that appendix out!" Emma loved how Dr. Capshaw never really asked if she was ready to do something. Emma studied her attending as they moved down the hall to room 204. Dr. Capshaw was your typical pediatric surgeon; full of energy and brightness. She was always happy, even when the situations surrounding her were dark and twisty. She was amazing with kids, always knowing what to say and do to help them out. Emma wanted to be just like her. Many people thought they were sisters, what with the matching hair and stature, and Emma wished she could be more like Dr. Capshaw than just her looks.
When they arrived at room 204, Lillian laying on her side, and appeared to be in severe pain. The little girl had gorgeous long brown hair that had the perfect amount of wave to it. But it was her blue eyes that hit Emma hardest. They were the purest blue eyes she had ever seen. Well, second purest. No Emma, stop that, she thought to herself. Now as not the time to be distracted by a pair of eyes. Lillian's eyes reminded Emma of a pair that comforted her a long time ago, a pair she just recently dreamed about.
"Good Morning Lily, how are you feeling?" Dr. Capshaw asked as she started her examination.
The only response the doctors received was a moan that had hints of pain, but was dripped in annoyance.
All of a sudden there was a shift in the room; Lillian sat up, reached for a bucket, and proceeded to hurl. Emma rubbed the girl's back to help her out. Lillian looked up and the blue eyes Emma was trying to ignore were silently thanking her.
"Worse than last night Dr. Capshaw, it hurts so much more." Lillian's voice sounded soft and tired. Dr. Capshaw palpated the right side of Lily's body when the girl let out a devastating scream. Dr. Capshaw's brown eyes met Emma's green ones, exchanging a silent conversation before Emma yelled for a nurse. Emma wouldn't be doing a traditional appy this morning without an attending present; no, she would be doing an emergency appendectomy. Nurses began rushing in and out of the room, prepping her for emergency surgery and calling down to the OR. Emma felt pain in her left hand. Looking down at Lillian she could now see fear in the little girl's blue eyes.
"Lillian, I'm Doctor Swan, we have to take you to surgery right now and make you better. I will be with you the entire time and when you are done, we will bring you back here for ice cream. Don't worry, I won't leave you and you will feel better once we are done. Just hold on a bit longer." She gave the little girl's hand a squeeze, and with that they were moving.
The ward became chaotic, messy, loud, and intense. Emma and her team, along with Lily who was in her bed crying, rushed towards the elevator at the end of the hallway, passing the waiting room where family members of the children on the floor were waiting for rounds to finish and visiting hours to begin. Everyone is talking, trying to get ready for the impending operation. Emma was pushing the bed onto the elevator when a voice stopped her "Where the bloody hell are you taking here?" The voice started to yell "Lillian…. Lily!" The voice was haunting and familiar. The Irish accent that was contained in the words and its distinct personality has Emma almost falling to her knees. The voice was a voice that Emma believed she would never hear again. She knows the second she turns around she will see someone she hasn't laid eyes on in ten years; a person who will change her normal day into an abnormal one. A nurse ran into her "Dr. Swan, we have to move," they said pushing her onto the elevator. As Emma turned around, the elevator doors began to close as if in slow motion and her eyes narrowed in. Standing in the waiting room with a tear running down his cheek was the person who had haunted Emma's dreams, a person whose blue eyes she dreamt about just the night prior. She sees who used to be the most important person in her life, until they left her at graduation without a word – Killian Jones. Killian fucking Jones.
A/N: Thank you all for reading! I hope you have enjoyed the first chapter! Please leave a comment or review! Anything that can help me as a writer would be amazing! See you again for chapter two!
