A/N
So, I guess I am kind of back. After a very, very long break I've decided to start writing again, I know many people won't read this as teh subject matter is niether popular or well known, but to everyone that pops here to see if I'm still alive, yes, I am going to continue my LOTR fiction and yes, I will finish it. If anyone out there still cares about it, your opinions and reviews will be gratefully welcome.
This story is a one shot based on the Korean historical drama Warrior Baek Dong so, and concerns Yeo Un and Ji Sun, an unpopular pairing but what the hell. It is also my first story in first person. Enjoy and review if you so wish :)
This is set after Ji Sun has chosen Dong Soo and deals with her remaining feelings for Un.
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It's strange; I can feel his eyes watching me in the darkness, though I can't see him. It sends an uncomfortable shiver up my spine, feeling that sad, cold gaze following my movements. I stop, wondering if his heart is beating as fast as mine in this moment. I know I should continue on my way, putting one foot in front of the other, following that familiar path back to the house that's waiting for me, the warm arms waiting for me... the man that loves me.
Is it gratitude I feel for this person that watches me? Is that my reason for pausing? He's saved my life many times; it would explain these feelings, wouldn't it? I know I'm trying to convince myself, trying to displace the guilt these emotions cause and find it a new home, so that the truth of my cracked existence can be covered by a thin layer of a lie. The reason I pause is for the selfishness of my own feelings, nothing more. I turn and see the slightest glint of moonlight on metal, signalling his position.
"Sir." My voice is soft and nervous, floating out into the night air and I hear a sharp intake of breath, mine or his I cannot tell.
He steps out of the darkness like a shadow creature, lithe and smooth. From the black robes that cling to his form to the long dark hair that frames his small face, everything about him speaks of death, chaos and destruction. Yet I find myself walking towards him, the silence between us seeming thick with unspoken words.
"Sir." I say once again, wanting to hear another voice besides my own fill that silent void.
He gives a small incline of his head, a polite bow but says nothing; his eyes however watch me with that same alert coldness. I find myself wondering, not for the first time, what caused him to become this strange morbid creature, why his feet led him down this path, and Dong Soo another?
"Are you following me sir?" I ask, fully knowing the true answer but aware he would never speak it. "Why?" My tone is deliberate and confrontational, wanting to draw him out into the open.
"You should not be out alone." His voice is terse yet strangely monotone.
I look down at my hands which are clasped before me, mustering myself to continue. "I do not need a constant guard, sir." The polite ending is spat as if an insult and he glances away for a moment as if wounded, the gesture slight but apparent, but he regains himself quickly and returns to his calm vigil of me.
We stare at each other for a long moment, the tension building between us; a strange emotion lingering somewhere between resentment and deep longing flutters over me.
"Yes, you do, there are people who would harm you."
I feel a sudden desperate need to be far from here, the situation is too dangerous; being alone with him seems to displace my thoughts so they float around me in a ramble and I feel I may stumble onto a path that I have fought so hard change, a path that holds nothing but fate's cruel mocking. I feel a vile resentment bubble within my chest and know all too well the taunting truth that is seared into both our minds, how can two beings so alike be repelled from each other so violently? While in the same moment attract each other with a strange enticing to just give in to fate's cruel plan for us. How can the mere notion of us being any closer than this cause nothing but thoughts of dark pandemonium?
"I do not need your protection" I snap, and turn to move away, suddenly knowing with clarity that he will stop me before I've taken a single step. His hand clasps my forearm tightly, tugging me back. It's a firm pull, full of annoyance and through its strength I lose my balance. His arms are around me before I even have time to consider hitting the ground. When I regain my senses I feel a sudden rush of surprise as I realise I am pushed against his chest, my hands clinging to his arms for support and our faces mere inches away.
We stay frozen in this position for a few seconds. I know he will pull away, I can already feel his muscles tensing, and I suddenly, recklessly, don't want him to.
"Do you remember when you held me captive, when I still held the key to the map" I breathe softly, knowing this will stall his flight.
He stills for a moment, his eyes finding mine before giving a slight nod.
"I said I wasn't of this world."
Again he nods.
"Why did you say nothing?"
He's brows knit together in a fleeting frown.
"What do you mean?" he asks, studying me intently.
"You knew exactly what I spoke of, you knew my feelings all too well."
His eyes give a small flash of warning.
"You and I," I continue, disregarding the threat, "we are both not of this world." I pause, waiting for his reaction. He looks away, avoiding my gaze. "You felt that too," I push. "We are so similar, can you not feel it, the fate we bear?" I wish to continue and tell him more, of the strange pull drawing us together, the guilt, everything, but the words become dry upon my tongue.
He remains silent and still, as if absorbing what I have spoken and my mind is drawn back to our first meeting, of catching his gaze as I rode along in the carriage that was my cage, his sword and body my protection upon my long meaningless journey to a fate I cared nothing about. The escape from bandits as he swung me up upon a horse as if I weighed nothing more than a cloth doll, and my arms clasped around his waist tightly as we rode light as the wind and swift as a spirit across the plain. Our flight coming to an abrupt halt as he saved me again, pushing me to the ground as an arrow narrowly missed my chest. We lay there, amongst the gently swaying tall grasses, within each other's arms for what could have been seconds or eons. I had felt it then, that our souls cried out in voices so similar it was hard to tell them apart, a cry that was sadness, anguish and hopelessness combined yet hidden so well behind a mask of motionless indifference. At that time we had both accepted our fates, our birth rights, to be nothing more than pawns in a game our young minds could not fully understand.
I am drawn out of my memories and back to our present selves, still clinging to each other. My eyes linger over his face, his lips, and I suddenly want to feel them against mine, two desperate, hopeless souls connected. Before I can give my mind a chance to be logical, my hand slides softly against his cheek and I feel him flinch from the contact, his eyes flicking to mine in surprise, like a frightened wild animal unused to a kind touch. His skin is soft and marred only by one long thin scar upon his cheek bone, caused by his closest friend's sword in a battle to save my life, both men wanting to be the victor. I lose track of those next few seconds, but I know we are moving, our bodies pressing together, arms wrapping and fingers clutching before our lips touch, soft, sweet and uncertain. We seem to be testing each other with tender, slow pressure, unsure how far we should take this moment. I urge him on with my lips, uncaring of anything else, just him and this feeling, this wanting. I feel my back pushed against a wooden wall and know he has taken me into his shadows, to a place we won't be seen. His hands are upon my cheeks, his palms cold and rough, marked by the years of hard training that have seen him become Sky Lord, master of all assassins, but his lips are gentle, almost fearful. I can feel a lightness within his kiss that he tries so hard to hide from the outside world. I feel his hands move, sliding to my shoulders, gently and with such great care does he hold me that I am reminded of clasping a song bird within my grasp as a young girl, afraid that I would hurt its fragile wings or it would fly away violently if I pressed too hard.
We break apart unwillingly, panting, my body seems to ache for his touch and I can almost imagine what his fingertips will feel like across my bare skin, his fingers sweetly searching for a way to make us both feel whole, if only for a fleeting moment. We again stare at each other and I try in vain to read what his dark eyes would speak of, but like the shadow around us they remain mute.
He sighs softly, if we had not been in such silence I would not have noticed the small sound, he closes his eyes and a small frown wrinkles the skin between his eyebrows, when his gaze finds mine again there is a strange glint, a light within those dark eyes and he opens his mouth hesitantly to speak...
"Agasshi!" The shout shatters the sweet darkness we are cloaked in and light pours in, blinding us both. He springs away from me, quick as a feline, his touch falling easily from my shoulders as if it had never even been.
"Agasshi!" My eyes turn to the sound and I push myself from the wall, fully aware of myself once more. I glance at him.
"Sir..." I fail to say that which I wish, so settle for the easiest words to find. "Thank you for all you have done to aid us."
A soured smile finds his lips and he nods politely.
"Agasshi!" The voice calling for me is desperate now. I feel my heart jump within my chest and I take a few hurried steps towards the light of the street, but he catches me, this time not with his strong hands...
"Dong Soo doesn't believe in fate."
I stop suddenly and turn to look at him, he stands as if nothing untoward has happened between us, calm and collected.
"Dong Soo helped you shatter your own fate, he saved you." He glances to where a man now stands calling out for me over and again. "I cannot offer you that kind of salvation." His eyes will not meet mine and his words are cold, matter-of-fact. "My fate still clings to me, a killer star that is mine alone. My fate is to always be this." He gestures to himself, a small hint of disgust turning down the corner of his lips.
"Agasshi!" I turn away then, my heart pulled to the warm voice, the man that has truly rescued me and when my gaze is drawn back to the shadows, the Sky Lord is gone, not a trace of his existence left to help convince myself it wasn't all within my mind. I take a deep breath in, knowing this is how things must be now, our lives have broken apart and cannot be mended... should not be mended. I walk forward until the light of the moon reveals my position to searching eyes.
"Dong Soo."
His kind gaze finds me in an instant.
"Agasshi!" He grins widely and runs to me, pulling me into his warm embrace that will always protect me. "I thought I had lost you" he says with a small laugh.
I bury my head into his shirt, inhaling the scent that is his. "I can never be lost," I mumble, "for I know you shall always find me, even in the shadows." Yet again he has become my guardian, shielding me from that which would only cause me pain.
He gives another laugh, this one puzzled, before pulling back. "I'll escort you home." He gives a small bow, still ever the gentleman.
I nod and we begin to walk, it takes all my inner strength to not look back, I can't look back now I have chosen. I console myself with the knowledge that even if I glanced over my shoulder I would not see him quietly watching me from the darkness, even though he is there still. He has set me free and I have done the same for him, it is a last farewell, our last meeting. His fate will take him to a dark place where I cannot follow. I close my eyes and silently bid Yeo Un a final goodbye, knowing with a strange certainty, he will hear.
