Well, you're not stupid, after all. You've waited for the perfect moment to do this. You're sober, she's sober, and you're sure she's open to "try new things" after you've seen her oogle your (amazing) rack.

But the perfectness of this perfect moment is falling as fast as little Janey's expression. She's put her thinking face on and, Jane being Jane, you know exactly what this means. 'How can I say no to Roxy without her getting upset?' She's thinking it. What the hell went wrong? You've been flirting this whole past week but now that you think of it she could've just dismissed it as you being your normal flirtatious self.

"Roxy." You glance up. Your eyes meet. She breaks and looks away from your searching eyes. You've found what you were searching for but it wasn't what you wanted at all. Fool's gold on the shores past the point of no return in a land riddled with disease to kill your friendship.

Fucking perfect.

You don't know why she's refusing your advances. Part of you has already figured it out but you don't acknowledge it because now is not the time for self-depreciating I-told-you-so's. Now is the time to gather up what little dignity an alcoholic teenage girl has left and take it right out of her damn house.

"I got it. Rose is on her way now. I'll just see you later." Jane tries to protest but it's half-hearted because the situation is awkward and she doesn't what to do with herself at this point. You know she probably has The Speech ready to try and boost your self-esteem or whatever the "You're A Good Person, But Not the Person for Me," Speech even is meant for.

Geez. She looks like she's about to cry as you slide your heels on in her entry way. She's followed you silently through her living room, much to your discomfort. Can't she just leave you be?

You turn your back to her and open the door, energy to say goodbye leaving you as you make to step out of the house and this whole, horrible situation. You feel her hand on your shoulder but she doesn't say anything.

You feel the tear on your right cheek and exit the house immediately, removing her hand and closing the door with swift effectiveness.

You begin the walk home in your new stilettos but don't make it out of Jane's neighborhood before Rose's car appears and pulls up beside you. You had a signal and speed dialed her as soon as the confession turned sour. No uncomfortable conversation in front of Jane was necessary, the sound of her ringtone the signal for Rose to come get you.

You get in and let your head fall back against the passenger seat. Nothing is said and eventually the tension in the air subdues. As you near your driveway your phone chimes. And again. Rose parks and you exit the car. You stare at your phone for a bit, contemplating unlocking it to view the messages. It's what any sane, normal person would do but that's just not you. Instead you chuck it over the side of the waterfall of your stylish, posh house. You turn around to see Rose's raised eyebrow but you don't feel like dealing with her right now.

You go to your room, go into your "stash cabinent" (it's no fucking secret, alright?) and grab the vodka. You proceed to get shit-faced drunk and eventually (though you'd never admit) cry yourself to sleep. She's just Jane. What the fuck is there to get worked up about, right? You feel like you could die and it's the finality of the emptiness inside you, the acceptance of the loss of you heart and other vital organs (it feels like) that carries you to a dreamless sleep.

[From Jake at 10:04pm Yesterday] Hey, how'd it go?

[From Jake at 10:04pm Yesterday] Did you woo your little shot of blueberry champagne? Is it even practical to have just a shot of champagne?

[From Dirk at 10:08pm Yesterday] What did Jane say?

[From Jake at 10:15pm Yesterday] Roxy?

[From Jane at 8:31am Today] I want to tell you everything I couldn't tell you yesterday. Last night I thought I was absolutely head over heels for Jake. Lately, with you, though I've been feeling a bit differently. You caught me off guard and I'd like to apologize for any emotional distress I cause because I'm such an idiot. I've thought long about this message and concluded it's worth every cent of additional fee these extra characters are costing me. I want to ask for your forgiveness and also for a date

[From Jane at 8:33am Today] Please reply to me when you wake up.

[From Jane at 12:54pm Today] Roxy, I am going to personally march over to your house if you don't have the courtesy to even reject me via text by 1:30.

{From Jane at 12:56pm Today] You threw your phone away again didn't you?