This is something I got the urge to write when I saw a pic of Kagura in the second volume of Azumanga, the pic had me turning pages back to look at it again and again. What is this piece about?...Kagura, I guess , I´m not sure what I mean by it, but I like it alot and I hope you will too ...Heck, maybe I´ll write pieces for the other characters as well.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I have been watching her for about half a year now. Just observing her actions and movements. My friends think I´m weird and also abit of a coward for not speaking to her, but I´m not so sure if I want what they want with someone like her.
I´ve seen her talk with her friends, fight with her friends and laugh with her friends, yet she remains a loner.
Her responsibilities never let her off the hook...She never lets herself off the hook.
I´ve seen her countless times fighting a fight she cannot win, not letting herself win.
She is always competing, competing with herself as well as others.
When she swims her every stroke seems more demanding than the last, like she´s always trying to reach something far ahead of her, but the more she tries the more it saps her strength.
The competition may be the ruin of her own life, because all she can do is strive to do things better.
So when I look at her from my classroom window, the way she runs her laps on the track, how the grit shows itself as she pushes herself for another lap.
Those times when I look at her, I see a torch in her eyes. A torch that is always threatening to blow out at the next gust of air, still shining brightly , but even the smallest of complications might cover her world in darkness.
It often happens during lunchtime that she´s sitting and eating by herself, because she´s in a hurry with her tight schedule.
And at those times I sometimes experience that she stops everything she´s doing and just stares into the blank air, at those times the torch in her eyes is wavering the most.
Somehow I think that´s when she allows herself to think about herself, her own life and not what she must struggle to achieve in the nationals.
That is when I want to go over to her and ask her, ask her anything really, because she intrigues me so and I want to know her struggle with the darkness, that she´d let me help her abit with whatever I could.
However, every time I see
her with the other five her torch is burning bright enough to lit a
void. At most of those times she seems to forget about the world of
competing she thinks she´s forced to live in.
And I feel
that my presence would do nothing but hinder and make her remember.
She shines so bright in that group of six that I take inspiration, and I try to set goals for myself...but all my thoughts return to her later on.
A few times I have looked at her in class, and in recess, when I find that she´s staring directly at me. No torch is glaring to make her feel like the top of the world, no wavering is making her worry. At those times I can´t read the torch at all, it is invisible to me.
She looks at me with her big eyes, and I haven´t got a clue what to say or do.
And it makes her even more intriguing, it may mean she´s been watching me...and it may even mean that I can someday light the fire in her eyes like her five friends does.
That maybe I can make her forget the harsh times of life, and let her be happy.
It looks like I´ll get the chance, because she´s coming my way, her eyes unreadable, shielding her thoughts.
Wish me luck.
