this was an entry for the contest at thecrazy about cloud club over on deviantart last month. i actually won; it was kind of wierd. anyway, seems i was feeling attention whore-ish, cause i decided to post it up here too. enjoy.
Springtime always made him melancholy. It did that to everyone in AVALANCHE really, but Tifa notice that it affected Cloud the most.

He'd never say a word about it, but his depression would hang in the air like a heavy fog. She knew it was because of Aeris. Because the springtime made him think of her more than any other time.

The near disaster with Kadaj, and the resurrection of Sephiroth wasn't helping his condition this spring either. Cloud was deeper in thought than he had any right to be, all the time now.

As she watched him spend another hour attempting to repair his motorcycle, she realized that she missed the Cloud Strife that had hired into AVALANCHE, even as she felt love for this much more thoughtful, slightly broken one.

And he still was broken, for all that his second trip in the Lifestream—and whatever he'd experienced there—had begun to heal him. He was still so quiet and unsure of his place on the Planet; unsure of who and what he was.

If he wasn't already dead, she would kill Hojo for what he did to Cloud and Zack in the basement of the Shinra Mansion.

Sighing, she turned away from the window and went to make dinner.

He knew that she was watching him as he worked from the kitchen window. She was always watching him lately, worried about him as he sunk deeper into depression than he had in the past. He was glad that Tifa cared enough to be worried; he wasn't always sure that anyone else did.

Aeris did, of course, and Zack. But they didn't really count; they were dead after all.

And that was the crux of the problem really. The emotional wounds that had begun—finally—to heal had been reopened during their short struggle with Kadaj and his brothers.

He may have forgiven himself for not keeping them alive, but he still couldn't shake the feeling that it should be Zack and Aeris here, and he should have been returned to the Planet. Even if he knew that none of the children—or the other victims of Geostigma—could have been healed without Aeris' direction of the planet's energy.

He sighed and tried to turn his mind to the repairs of his bike. Cid had helped him pull it from the ruins where it had landed, then shaken his head and told him it was totaled. Which it was. The fights, the jumps, the fall, it had all conspired to do Fenrir in. The attempted repairs were more for himself than the bike; it was a way to escape his thoughts when they became too much.

"You can't keep doing this, Cloud. I thought we discussed this with you."

The blond's head shot up. "Zack? How are you here?"

He wanted to turn around and see his friend, but he knew the act would shatter the illusion and end the visitation early.

"You don't spend years in the Lifestream without learning a few things. But that's not what I'm here to talk about. You've got to move on, Cloud. You've got to accept that there is no 'instead' of Aeris or me." Cloud felt a strong hand grip his shoulder. "If you'd been there, either time, in some kind of useful condition, you'd have died too. Then it would have been Cloud with Zack and Aeris. Don't you see?"

"It doesn't feel like it," Cloud replied. "The two of you should be here, not me. You deserve to be here."

"And you don't? I can't think of anyone who deserves it more. Those kids love you, your friends love you; you have a lot to live for. Go do it for a change. We'll still be here when its all over."

Tifa was more than a little surprised when Cloud came inside only a few minutes after she'd started on dinner. She was even more surprised when he handed her a bright yellow flower.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"For what?"

"For…everything."

Tifa gave a half smile. Ever the one with words, Cloud was. But she thought she understood what he meant. "Its okay. Spring's hard on all of us."

He returned her smile with one of his own—a rare sight in the last two years. "Thanks."

"Anytime." She turned to one of the cabinets and took out a glass. She filled it with water and set the flower in it. Then she turned back to her meal preparations.

"Tifa?"

"Hmm?"

"Would you mind making enough for a few friends?"

She smiled again, inwardly elated at the question. "Only if you call them."

"I think I can do that," he replied.