~Crackfics and a Rootbeer for Five Bucks~

(A/N: I should be spontaneously combusting, but I'm a feisty rebel, so screw it. CRACK TIIIIIIIME! And besides, I'm pretty depressed so some good Crackfics can lift me up a little. Do me a favor and review with links to other awesome Crackfics that'll make me laugh so hard I shat penguins. Thanks.)

Disclaimer: If I owned Vocaloid, Kaito would be a pedophile in a hot pink pick up space ship.

It was just another normal day in Japaneselandyville and Kaito decided to stop being a couch potato. He would finally propose to his long time boyfriend, Ashela Fitzgerald.

But, as the bluenette traveled down the yellow brick road, a red creeper van zoomed towards him, running over trees and fangirls. Kaito watched in awe as the vehicle pulled up to him.

The window rolled down and inside was Rin, wearing martini sunglasses. Kaito noticed that, "FREE CANDY," was spray painted on the side of the car in white.

"Yo kid," Rin asked in a manly macho gangster voice. "Wanna buy some drugs?"

Kaito blinked a few times and scanned her with his processor. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me, K-dawg. Want some drugs?"

"Um... No? I don't want to destroy my angelic vocal chords."

"Fine then. How about a taxi ride and some ice cream?"

"DEAL!" Kaito climbed in through the window of opportunity and sat in the passenger seat.

Rin flashed an evil grin and laughed maniacally, "Perfect... I pooped today! ALL IS GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Kaito ignored the Lolita and continued to lick his mint chocolate chip ice cream. That is, until the voices showed up.

"Yo, Gingersnap." A raspy voice whispered in his ear, "You need to stop licking that shit and get your cookies outta here."

Kaito's eyes widened.

The voice continued, "If you don't escape, the succubus will soon reveal her true form. In order to survive, you need to distract her, hop out the sunroof, and find the Pole of Justice. When I was given this advice, I ignored it, and now my ghostly voice is no longer angelic. Run, Gingersnap, run!"

Kaito then threw his, "ice cream," at Rin's face. Even though there wasn't a sunroof, he still managed to escape from the van. How? You'll never know.

Then, Kaito pranced through a herd of cotton candy lions to find the Pole of Justice. After .000001 seconds, he decided to give up. He would never find this, "Pole of Justice." As Kaito cried hysterically over the thought of losing his angelic voice, a stranger tapped him on the shoulder.

"Like, why are you crying?"

Standing in front of him was a man in a Glinda the Good Witch costume. He twirled his straight, shoulder length, blonde hair around his finger.

Kaito wiped away his purple nurple flavored tears and asked, "W-who are you?"

The cross dresser said in his valley girl accent, "I'm like, Poland!"

Kaito registered what the man- Poland- had said. Poland? The Pole of Justice!

"Excuse me, ma'am, are you the Pole of Justice?"

"Naw," he rolled his green eyes, "I'm a sack of like, potatoes! Of course I'm the Pole of Justice!"

"Ohmylanta! You have to help me! Rin the gangster sandwich is hunting me down in her creeper van!" Kaito pleaded.

The nation sighed, "Fiiiiiiine, I'll, like, help you and stuff, but like, you need to find my fag."

Kaito's processor broke. "Your... Fag?"

"Ugh, you have to be, like, kidding me. If you read Kuroshitsuji, you would've, like, had a clue what a fag is and stuff! Oh, and his name is Tomoe-kun! Bye bye now, lump cakes!"

After his little speech, Poland spontaneously combusted, leaving behind a confused Kaito. First he had to find the Pole of Justice and now this!? Kaito felt tears coming on, but he fought hard trying not to cry.

"I shouldn't be crying!" Kaito exclaimed. "I'm an independent young woman! I'm better than that!"

Kaito stood up and farted until he teleported to Narnia.

"Dammit, I was supposed to teleport to Gotham City!" He pouted.

Kaito did his usual squats until the ducks in the pond spontaneously combusted due to lack of cheese sandwiches. Then, he noticed a figure hiding behind an oak tree.

"You! Reveal yourself!"

Tomoe-kun stepped out from behind the scenery, as crabby as ever. Because the author was too lazy to describe his physical traits, the poor kitsune didn't get his proper introduction.

"A-are you T-Tomoe-kun?" Kaito stuttered, still doing his epic squats of awesomeness.

"Yes, young Vulcan. I am Tomoe, the great Pole of Justice's fag. Did he send you to me?"

The vocaloid nodded. "Good, now shall we live long and prosper?" Another nod. "Poifect..."

Tomoe and Kaito then did the pelvic thrust until the duo teleported themselves to Azkaban, where Poland lived. When the screen finally adjusted, they were met with a peculiar sight. Poland had somehow managed to get all five of the Mew Mews to model different boxers for him. And Ashela Fitzgerald, Kaito's soon to be fiancé, was twerking on a purple pick up truck.

"TO THE BATMOBILE!"

Tomoe went to try on a pair of Dora the Explorer boxers and do the pelvic thrust with Pudding. Kaito, on the other hand, was so shocked to see his boyfriend cheating on him that he spontaneously combusted. The end.