I walk the streets, the ones that used to comfort me and were so full of colour, now just seem dull, lifeless and empty. I hate it when we argue, but this time was one of the worst we've ever had. Usually it's over petty crap and normally everything is said and done within five minutes but I just don't know what happened this time. You stormed in and accused me of being with someone else, said that you had seen me with him, touching him and hugging him. You wouldn't give me a chance to explain who he was or what was happening.
I never got the chance to tell you that I was sorting something out with a friend for you. We haven't been able to spend much time together because cases have been piling up, one on top of the other. So I arranged with Kono and Chin and a friend of mine in the hotel industry out here to get us a suite in one of the hotels in a far of region of the Island, just so we could be us for a few days and reconnect. I wanted to surprise you.
A shiver runs through me as the memories flash back to the argument. Well it wasn't really an argument, I never got a chance to say anything, which is strange for me as I'm usually the one who does all the talking. You were so angry, I've never seen you like that before and it scared me. I know I'm small but I never let anyone intimidate me. When you stood over me at your full height, shouting and yelling, I felt even smaller. I tried to explain, to help you understand but you wouldn't listen, you wouldn't let me talk. The things you called me and accused me of, broke my heart. How could you even think I would do something like that too you. I love you, I've never felt about anyone like I've felt about you, not even Rachel and that's saying something.
I've been walking around for hours now, after screaming at me you walked upstairs telling me to get the hell out of your house and your life. That you don't need a slut like me in your life, so I did. I left everything and just left, I didn't even grab a coat or my keys or wallet, just walked out in the jeans, t-shirt and trainers I was wearing. I wouldn't even of had my phone on me if it wasn't in my pocket. I don't even know where I am, I haven't recognised any of the streets for a long time now and I know I wont be able to get home by myself anymore but at this moment I really don't care. I hear my phone ring in my pocket and I pull it to see it's you calling me. I smile sadly at your face and put the phone back in my pocket as it continues to ring. I can't bring myself to talk to you, I'm too hurt, my heart is too broken and I just feel like I'm sinking.
A beep indicates that I have a voicemail but I ignore it. I don't know what to do but keep walking. It's like I have a need just to get away. I know that when I finally stop my muscles are going to be killing me from walking around for hours on end but at this moment I can't seem to care. I hear a crash above me and lightening streaks across the sky and the heavens open. I welcome the pouring rain as it hides the tears that are currently running down my face. At least it will stop the looks I've been getting from people as I walk around but I haven't seen anyone for a while now and the houses have given way to the forests. My phone rings again and I ignore it. I don't want to speak, I don't want to hear anyone especially you at the moment.
It continues to ring none stop as I walk, I get angry. I don't want you or anybody round me or talking to me at the moment, so I take it out noting the missed calls from you, Kono, Chin and even Rachel and turn it off. I keep walking deeper and deeper into the forest. The rain is still pouring and I'm soaked through but somehow I can't bring myself to care. The light is fading and I can hardly see where I'm going now but I can't bring myself to stop. The ugly words that you screamed at me, the image of your face is still burned into my brain and I need to get away from it.
I feel the thorns and torn branches brush and tear at my arms but it's almost as if I've gone completely numb. Like I can't feel anything, the love that had made me feel so warm inside has now gone and has been replaced by ice. I know that I'll have to stop soon as it's getting so dark I can hardly see my own feet. I walk for a few minutes and find an area underneath a huge tree and sit down. I know, I'm lost, that no one knows where I am and that I've got no food or drink but right now I don't care. I just need to be away from everybody, be alone with my broken heart. Only yesterday we were laying on the beach talking about the future and how much we were looking forward to it and now it just seems broken. Sitting here I feel empty and cold. I miss you, miss your strong arms holding me, feeling your skin against mine, miss your voice as you whispered to me that you loved me, miss the light in your eyes when you looked at me and the way would do anything to make me smile if I'd had a bad day.
But now these memories of happier times were twisted somehow. Your voice was twisted as it yelled ugly things, those arms that had held me so tight now pushed me away, the light that used to be in your eyes now filled with such hatred. I tried to touch you, tried to explain to you that nothing was going on but you wouldn't listen. Why wouldn't you listen? I scream into the night. Why would you think I would do something like that to you? Did you really think so little of me to think that I would cheat on you with the first person I could.
Right then and there I feel the dam break and the tears that had been running down my face as I walk had now become full heart wrenching sobs as I tried to cry my pain out. I wondered if you knew now. If Chin and Kono had told you and what you felt now. Did you feel remorse, did you believe them, did you still hate me or still love me. Could we even work things out between us now? I know I should switch my phone on and contact someone but I just don't have the energy. I'm cold, and tired and just want to sleep. I lean my head against the bark of the tree and feel my eyes closing as sleep claims me and the last thought as I fall into sleep is this is how it feels trying to sleep with a broken heart.
