Somewhere there is a disclaimer saying that I don't own any Archer characters. More madness from my tiny little mind as I imagine…

A Productive Day At The Figgis Agency

Chapter 1: Productivity Is Not An Accident

"Why do we need to have a stupid meeting first thing in the morning?" Pam groaned as the majority of the Figgis Agency assembled in the bullpen.

"Because I'd like to get something done before Ms. Archer comes in and bitches at us about how lazy we are!" Cyril snapped. "Look I am more than aware that this office hasn't exactly been as busy as it should be."

"Wait," Cheryl blinked. "We're supposed to be busy?"

"First I'm hearing about this," Krieger remarked.

"We haven't exactly set the investigative world on fire," Cyril admitted with a sigh.

"We've set a lot of other things on fire!" Cheryl said cheerfully.

"Well that is going to change now!" Cyril snapped. "Because if we don't turn things around we won't have an agency by the end of the year!"

"Honestly, I'm amazed we lasted this long," Pam remarked.

"Me too," Ray nodded.

"I am aware of what little money we do manage to get," Cyril paused. "Goes down the drain faster than…"

"Pills and vomit after a night of binging," Cheryl added.

"What she said," Pam agreed.

"Remember," Cyril said. "Productivity is not an accident!"

"Wanna bet?" Ray quipped.

"Look we are going to have a productive day around here if it kills somebody," Cyril remarked.

"Probably you," Pam quipped.

"Ha, ha, ha…" Cyril glared at Pam. "Item one. Cleaning the refrigerator. Pam, you and Krieger are in charge of that!"

"WHAT?" Pam snapped.

"Aw man…" Krieger groaned.

"About time," Cheryl yawned.

"Yeah it reeks in there," Ray winced. "Like a skunk family reunion."

"That refrigerator should have been cleaned a long time ago," Lana agreed.

"I think there's a freaking ecosystem in there," Ray remarked. "Seriously yesterday I saw some kind of green stuff and something else was grazing on it!"

"That's nothing," Cheryl said. "I put a soda in there and I'm pretty sure I saw something drink it."

"Why do we have to clean the refrigerator?" Pam snapped.

"Because you and Krieger are the ones that put the weirdest shit in it!" Cyril snapped.

"Oh dear God," Ray realized. "You didn't actually put shit in it, did you?"

"Uh…" Krieger coughed. "Depends on your definition of…"

"I withdraw the question!" Ray snapped. "I am so out of here!"

"Me too," Lana got up with Ray and they left.

"But I didn't assign you two…" Cyril began. "Oh, never mind! Forget it!"

"Forget what?" Mallory asked as she walked in. "This new thing called work? Quelle surprise!"

"I gave the job of cleaning the refrigerator to Laurel and Hardy," Cyril sighed.

"You mean Dr. Rests on His Laurels and Ms. Hardly Ever Misses a Meal?" Mallory sighed.

"Good one," Cyril told her. "But Heckle and Jeckle ran to their offices before I could give them something to do."

"Those two are relatively responsible. And by relatively, I mean they don't purposely set fires," Mallory waved. "I'm sure they can find some quiet office work or something. Unlike this one!" She glared at Cheryl.

"What?" Cheryl blinked. "What did I do?"

"Nothing!" Cyril snapped. "You never do anything around here!"

"I do things!" Cheryl snapped.

"Having sex with your co-workers doesn't count," Mallory looked at her.

"I do other things," Cheryl added.

"Neither does setting fires and making a mess," Mallory added.

"I do lots of stuff around here!" Cheryl snapped. "All the time!"

RING! RING! RING!

Cheryl just sat there as the desk phone rang. "Could somebody answer the phone?" Cheryl shouted. "It's really annoying!"

RING! RING! RING!

"I'll get it!" Ray stormed over and answered it. "Figgis Agency. Ray Gillette speaking. How may I…? No, we don't want to convert to solar power! Wait, do we?"

"NO!" Mallory and Cyril shouted.

"NO!" Ray snapped as he slammed the phone down.

"God those telemarketers are soooo annoying," Cheryl rolled her eyes.

"Infuriating," Mallory glared at Cheryl.

"I'm guessing you want me to answer the phones all day?" Ray asked.

"Only if I want our agency to sound like Hooterville's Post Office!" Mallory snapped.

"FINE!" Ray snapped. "Don't say I never volunteer for anything around here!" He stormed off.

"Well I can't answer the phone," Cyril said. "I have to balance the budget and pay some bills. Maybe Lana…?"

"Noooooooooooooope!" Lana was heard shouting.

"Okay not Lana," Cyril sighed.

"Just don't answer the phone," Cheryl shrugged. "Ignore it. That's what I do."

"In other words, you do nothing around here!" Cyril snapped. "I have seen rocks more productive than you!"

"Even Milton is more productive than you!" Mallory shouted. "At least Milton makes something! The only thing you've ever made was carbon dioxide!"

"So what do you want me to do about it?" Cheryl asked.

"I want you to do something productive for the agency!" Mallory shouted. "ANYTHING PRODUCTIVE!"

"And your definition of productive is…?" Cheryl blinked.

"Anything that makes us money," Mallory snarled.

"Oh. Okay…" Cheryl nodded. She took out her phone.

"What are you doing?" Cyril asked.

"Going online for California's unclaimed properties auction site," Cheryl said casually. "Cross reference buildings closest to us in a three-mile radius…AH! Here we go."

"Okay how is that…?" Cyril blinked.

"Here we go," Cheryl remarked. "349 Venus Ave. That's just on the other block from here. And no bids for the property which means it must be a real dump. One dollar."

"Wait you can buy property from the government for as little as a dollar?" Mallory shouted.

"Not always," Cheryl shrugged. "Depends on who else is interested. Looks like no one is. And my bid has been accepted! Yes! Now I just have to go get the deed and insure it."

"Carol what exactly are you doing?" Mallory snapped as Cheryl got up and started to leave.

"I'm going to get money for the agency," Cheryl said. "I'll be back later!" She left the building.

"Huh," Cyril thought. "Technically buying real estate is productive."

"How is Carol buying some dump she's never seen before different than what I did?" Mallory snapped.

"In order," Cyril counted off. "She used her own money, not the agency's. She paid less. She bought it from a government agency instead of on a fake real estate website. Or a scam artist. She knows it's a dump and didn't pretend otherwise."

"If it's such a dump why is she bothering to insure it?" Mallory snapped.

It hit them both at the same time. "So she can collect money on the insurance!" They both said.

"She has done that before," Cyril groaned. "And then like before have us do some phony paperwork saying that we inspected the site for arson and…"

"And she'll pay the office a check for it," Mallory realized. "Huh. For Carol that is pretty smart."

"That's pretty smart for a member of the Gambino family," Cyril quipped.

"You have no problem with some slight insurance fraud now?" Mallory asked.

"Honestly Mallory," Cyril sighed. "It gets her out of the office and out of my hair."

"Yeah, I don't really care either," Mallory sighed.

Cyril sighed "The only thing I do care about is who is going to answer the phone?"

"I'll do it!" Mallory snapped. "How hard can it be?"

Meanwhile…

"No, it's not that hard," Lana told Ray in her office. She was sitting at her desk working at her computer. "Honestly getting another degree online might be the best way to go."

"Especially if and when things go south," Ray nodded. "How did you come up with that?"

"Remember when Cheryl had her imaginary ostrich relapse?" Lana asked. "I decided it might not be a bad idea to see if I could do something else with my life besides watching that."

"Not the worst idea anyone has ever had," Ray admitted.

"Originally, I was going to try and go back to environmental sciences," Lana shrugged. "Then I realized I hated doing that. I looked around and I found an online business college that's perfect for me."

"Really? Business?" Ray asked.

"I figured how hard could it be to get a degree in it?" Lana asked. "I mean Cyril did it. He runs this business. And Mallory ran an agency without any business degree whatsoever!"

"You know those two aren't exactly the best examples of how a business should be run, right?" Ray asked.

"That's my point Ray," Lana said. "If those two complete and total train wrecks can do it, then how hard would it be for me to get a degree? At the very least it's something to add to my resume."

"You do realize that more than half the things on our resume are illegal, right?" Ray asked.

"That's why I'm getting a business degree," Lana said. "From Peacock University."

"I've heard of that," Ray admitted. "In fact, I've taken a few online classes there myself. I'm taking an online bartending course with Krieger."

"Online bartending course," Lana blinked. "How does that work?"

"It's basically a bunch of recipes and a few videos on taking away keys from people who've had too much to drink," Ray admitted. "On the upside, I have learned some new interesting drinks. And Krieger…Well I don't know exactly how much he's retained but it's kept him from making more robots so…"

"That alone makes it worth it," Lana said. She showed him her computer. "But look at this. This university gives you credit for real life experience. So, you only have to pay for the classes you need. You just take a short test to prove your proficiency in each subject and…"

"Wait, one of the credits is learning another language?" Ray asked. "I know German!"

"Exactly!" Lana told him. "I used French as my language. And I got a credit. And these online classes are pretty easy. I figure I can get my degree in less than a year."

"How are you paying for these classes?" Ray asked.

"Uh," Lana coughed. "I'm not that proud of this but I've been kind of skimming some money secretly from Mallory's account."

"Me too," Ray admitted. "I mean her password is Duchess. Not that hard to crack."

"Plus, it also gives me something productive to do during the day," Lana sighed. "And again screwing Mallory so…"

"I'm in," Ray said.

Meanwhile…

"Are you in?" Pam asked as she drank some beer.

"Of course, I'm in there," Krieger snapped as he was cleaning the refrigerator. He was wearing a hazmat suit complete with gas mask. "I don't see why I have to do most of the work!"

"Because I'm not the one who put radioactive shit in it!" Pam snapped.

"That's debatable," Krieger grumbled.

"Hey!" Pam snapped. "That Super Duper Bombastic Burrito from the Burrito Barn was a good deal and I wasn't going to let it go to waste."

"Pam that was two months ago," Krieger groaned. "Spoiler alert! It went to waste! Because it spoiled!"

"Not necessarily," Pam said. "It might still be good!"

"I highly…" Krieger rolled his eyes.

BRRRORRWRRRPPP!

"Pam," Krieger gulped. "Please tell me that was your stomach."

"I thought it was yours."

"Nope," Krieger gulped. "Then it definitely came from inside the refrigerator…Oh dear."

"What?" Pam asked.

"I think some of my containers may have accidentally sprung a leak," Krieger winced. "Causing a chain reaction."

"I told you!" Pam snapped. "You can't store chemicals in Tupperware!"

BRRRRRRWWWWWOOOOP!

"We really should have cleaned the refrigerator before this," Pam sighed. "Wow…I do see green mold in there. Or something green. Looks like tiny grass…"

"That's not all I see…" Krieger realized.

BRRRRRRRRRRRROPPP!

"Dear God…" Krieger gulped. "Pam your burrito…It's moving!"

Meanwhile…

"Okay…" Cyril looked at his paperwork. "Time to get moving. I've done my crossword. Read the paper. Sharpened my pencils. And my backup pencils. It's time to do some paperwork and pay the bills."

"Right after I check my e-mail," Cyril went to his computer. "Spam. Spam. Spam. Spam. Spam. Spam. Spam. Spam. Lovely spam. Wonderful spam! Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Ha ha! I am so funny…It's a shame not too many people around here get my sense of humor."

"Oh, here's some new porn from my prescription package. I don't have time for that. Too much work to do. Even to watch something called…Game of Moans. Huh. Well I suppose I could take a look at it for a few minutes. What's the harm?"

Meanwhile…

Mallory was sitting at Cheryl's desk with a bottle of scotch and a glass. "Thank God Trudy Beekman isn't here to see this," Mallory grumbled. "Taking calls like a secretary. Now I'm really scraping the bottom of the barrel."

"In hindsight maybe I should have just let Gillette do this? Not like callers wouldn't have mistaken him for a woman anyway."

She took a sip from her glass. "I never realized how boring this job is. Waiting for a phone call like some love-struck teenager. Only the love has been replaced by mind numbing boredom!"

"I wonder if this is why Carol sniffs glue? I mean I get the fact that you need to do something to keep you entertained…"

RING! RING!

"Finally!" Mallory picked up the phone. "What? Oh right. Archer Agency. Mallory Archer…"

"Well yes technically this is the Figgis Agency," Mallory admitted. "But we really should be called the Archer Agency. I mean I have spent a lifetime in espionage but for some stupid reason this idiotic state doesn't recognize that! Just because some spineless little nobody manages to get a few fancy degrees from college…Hello?"

"He hung up on me," Mallory blinked. "Huh. Must have been a crackpot of some kind."

Mallory sighed and sat at the desk. And drank. She sat some more. And drank some more. Then drank even more. And then even more.

"Oh yes I'm so glad I opened a detective agency," Mallory grumbled. "This job is absolutely riveting."

RING! RING!

"Finally," Mallory let out a breath and answered the phone. "Hello? Hello? Wait…Is this a damn recording? SERIOUSLY?"

She slammed the phone down. "Now telemarketers aren't even bothering to call you in person! And to think I actually thought that was worth picking up!"

"I wonder if this thing has caller ID?" Mallory looked at the phone. "Damn it. I can't tell."

Meanwhile…

"I can't tell if this thing has eyes or what…" Krieger used a device to scan the creature inside the refrigerator. "But it definitely has a mouth."

"How do you know that?" Pam asked.

"Because it just ate the leftover Chinese food," Krieger told her.

"BURRRRRP!"

"And now it's starting to drink the beer," Krieger added.

"WHAT?" Pam shouted.

Meanwhile…

"Well that was much better than I expected," Cyril looked strangely happy as he looked at his computer. There were tissues and hand sanitizer on his desk as well. "Oh look…Another new one…Scandal In The Supreme Court. Well I do love legal drama. And other things…"

Meanwhile…

"GIVE IT BACK!" Pam screamed as she tried to yank a beer away from something in the refrigerator. "GIVE IT BACK DAMN IT!"

"I think we're going to need more than Lysol and some baking soda to clean this refrigerator," Krieger blinked.

"YOU THINK?" Pam shouted. "GIVE ME BACK MY BEER!"

Meanwhile…

"Hello is this the Anderson Insurance Agency?" Mallory was on the phone. "I am Mallory Archer. Calling for the Figgis Agency. Soon to be renamed the Archer Agency. I'm calling to see if there's any work you need and if you are aware of our services…"

Mallory paused. "Oh, you have heard of us? Yes, we uncovered the Long Water scandal. What did you say? That idiot whoremonger is my son, you asshole! And he's in a coma! On second thought, I don't want your business! GOOD DAY!"

She slammed the phone down. "Well I never!" She looked at a phone book and put in another number. "Hello? Anderson and Anderson Law Firm? This is Mallory Archer from the Figgis Agency. Soon to be renamed Archer Agency."

"Well I'm calling to see if there is anything you need investigating," Mallory said. "I thought if I just called places instead of waiting around it would be a time saver. Look you people are lawyers. Odds are at least one of your clients is either being framed or needs to have a background check! I've seen TV."

"Hello? Hello? I can't believe they hung up on me! The nerve of these people!"

Mallory made another call. "Hello? Law firm of Anderson, Anderson, Anderson and…Schmitt. This is Mallory Archer from the Figgis Agency. First of all…How many Andersons are there? Seriously? Well wouldn't it be easier if you all just got together and put your name into one firm and…Hello?"

"I think I'll just skip the rest of the Andersons for now," Mallory looked through the phone book. "They seem like rude people anyway. Ah! Here we go!"

"Hello? Arliss Insurance Agency? This is Mallory Archer of the Figgis Agency. No! We are not interested in a new policy…Wait how did you hear about that? No, the point of this call is to see if you had any work for…Why are you laughing? WHAT? WE ARE NOT!"

"You wouldn't happen to be related to the damn Andersons? Hello?"

"I can't believe how rude some of these people are!" Mallory bristled. "Huh. No wonder Carol gets so snippy. And to think I thought this job was easy."

Meanwhile…

"Well this is pretty easy," Ray said. He had brought his laptop in Lana's office. "I've not only signed up for some business courses in addition to my bartending ones. But I'm also taking some criminal justice classes online."

"Yeah you told me you got an hour just for passing a class," Lana said. "I should have looked into that a long time ago."

"I love this just taking the test feature so you can pass the class," Ray said as he looked at a book next to him. He typed something in. "Done! All right! I have officially passed my Excel proficiency class. A few more credits earned for my degrees."

"You are cheating on a proficiency test?" Lana looked at him.

"I already know some Excel," Ray waved. "Enough to get by. Besides it's an online test. Technically it didn't say we couldn't use study materials."

"It's still cheating," Lana sniffed.

"Do you want to pay a couple hundred dollars for a course you don't really need or are barely going to use?" Ray snapped.

Lana paused. "Can I see that book when you're done?"

"Here you go," Ray gave it to her.

"AAAAAAHHHH!" Pam was heard screaming.

Lana and Ray looked out their door. Pam ran by screaming. Then she ran back carrying an axe. "THIS MEANS WAR!" Pam whooped. "FOR THE BEER!"

"PAM DAMN IT! BE QUIET!" Mallory shouted. "I'M ON THE PHONE! Hello? DAMN YOU PAM I LOST ANOTHER CALL!"

"THEY CAN TAKE OUR LIVES!" Pam whooped. "BUT THEY CANNOT TAKE OUR BEER! AAAAHHH!"

"Do you want to know…?" Ray blinked.

"Noooooope!" Lana sighed.

"Me neither…" Ray sighed. "I never want to know anything that goes on around here."

Meanwhile…

"You're still here?" Mallory grumbled as Schnuckiputzi sat on the desk. The cat responded by licking her behind.

Mallory groaned. "Why do I have the feeling you picked up that particular behavior from the people who work in this office?"

Meanwhile…

"Okay…" Cyril looked a little dazed. "Just one more porno…Just one more. Oh look. The Loin King. Five stars. And it's animated. Cartoons are fun…"

Meanwhile…

"THIS IS NOT FUN!" Krieger screamed as some strange green and brown tentacles attacked them from the refrigerator. "I HATE CLEANING THE REFRIGERATOR!"

"AAAAHH! DIE! DIE! DIE!" Pam whooped as she cut and fought the tentacles with her axe.

"I don't think this is getting us anywhere!" Krieger gulped as he hid behind a table. "Wait a minute…I'll be right back!"

"Hurry up!" Pam shouted as she hacked and slashed at the creature.

"I can't believe I didn't think of this before!" Krieger ran to his lab.

Meanwhile…

"I can't believe they have a degree in Security Services Theory," Lana blinked as she looked at her computer. "That's a thing?"

"It is," Ray said. "Okay that's another degree we can work on."

"We already know most of this stuff," Lana said. "Being former spies. We just have to pass most of the proficiency tests and take a few more classes. Which are basically watching a few videos and passing a quiz on them."

"And it says if we get a degree it counts towards an hour for a Private Eye license," Ray read. "To be fair that's pretty much how long it will take for us to earn it."

"This is pretty much the future of college, isn't it?" Lana remarked.

"Boy those Frat Movies aren't going to be the same, are they?" Ray snorted.

"DIE REFRIGERATOR DIE!" Pam's voice was heard.

"I have a feeling neither will our refrigerator," Lana groaned. "Do you smell smoke?"

Meanwhile…

"AAAAHHHH!" Krieger screamed as he and Pam used flamethrowers to kill and destroy the monster in the refrigerator.

"DIE YOU BASTARD!" Pam screamed.

BOOOOOOOOOOM!

"Damn it," Krieger groaned as the explosion knocked them backwards. "There must have been some beers in the fridge."

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Pam screamed. "WE BLEW IT ALL UP! DAMN US ALL TO HELL!"

Cut to Mallory back at the desk. "I don't want to know…I just don't want to know."

A few hours later Cyril finally emerged from his office. "Oh look," Mallory sighed. "It's Mr. Productive."

"Well I did things," Cyril said calmly. "Productive day on my end. How about you?"

"I hate to say it," Mallory grumbled as she took a drink. "But I'm starting to see Carol's point about not answering the phones."

RING! RING! RING!

"I'm not getting that," Mallory finished up her drink.

"Hard day?" Cyril asked as the phone rang.

"Don't get me started," Mallory groaned. "By the way am I the only one who smells smoke?"

"No," Cyril answered the phone. "Figgis Agency…Speaking of which. Hang on Cheryl I'll put you on speaker phone." He did so. "Cheryl how's it going?"

"Not good," Cheryl was heard. "I don't think we're gonna make any money off of my plan this time."

"What happened?" Mallory groaned. "Don't tell me you got caught?"

"I didn't get a chance to get caught," Cheryl grumbled as she looked at the burned down property before her. "Somebody beat me to it."

"What do you mean?" Mallory asked.

"Somebody already burned down the place before I got a chance to!" Cheryl snapped. "I wonder if that's the reason it only sold for a dollar?"

"Of course…" Mallory sighed. "For a minute I actually thought one of Carol's plans would work. Stupid me."

"I mean whoever did this did a really good job," Cheryl looked at the wreckage. "It smells like charred meats."

"Oh my God!" Cyril remembered. "The Hot Dog Cart Incident!"

"What?" Mallory asked.

"Oh yeah," Cheryl giggled. "Those flaming wieners exploded everywhere. Hey! I think I see one of them in the rubble!"

"That's not all I see in the rubble," Cyril sighed. "Our careers for one thing."

"What are we going to do with an empty burned out lot?" Mallory snapped.

"The way our careers are going we may have to live there soon," Cyril moaned.

"Hey wait a minute!" Cheryl gasped. "I know just what to do! I can turn this into a parking lot and charge people to park here! I'll make a fortune!"

"What about us?" Cyril asked.

"What about you?" Cheryl asked. "Gotta call my construction company and lawyers! See ya!"

"Carol! Carol!" Mallory shouted. "Dumb little bitch hung up on us!"

"That bitch is going to make a fortune off an empty lot!" Cyril snapped. "Something tells me Cheryl isn't that dumb!"

"Neither am I!" Mallory grabbed her purse and stood up. "I'm out of here! I'm going to visit Sterling!"

"You're leaving to visit Archer now?" Cyril snapped. "It's only noon!"

"Good point," Mallory paused. "I'm going out for lunch first to keep my strength up." She left the building.

"Does anybody around here have any kind of work ethic at all?" Cyril shouted.

Schnuckiputzi walked by. Meowed and started licking her behind. "Oh sure," Cyril glared at the cat. "Rub it in!"

"Does that count as phrasing?" Lana asked as she and Ray walked up to Cyril with some papers.

"Please tell me you two did something productive today?" Cyril sighed. "I ask knowing not to get my hopes up."

Lana and Ray presented Cyril with some papers. Ray told him. "We just earned an hour towards our PI licenses."

"With a degree in Security Services Theory," Lana added. "Yes, that's a thing."

"Peacock University?" Cyril blinked. "You two spent your morning getting a degree online?"

"It was surprisingly easy," Ray shrugged. "Well with our spy background."

"And a payment of four hundred dollars total to the university," Lana admitted.

"Wait hang on," Cyril did a double take. "Are you telling me you just took some online tests…"

"And watched a few videos," Ray added.

"And watched some videos," Cyril went on. "And that's it? Is that legal?"

"It is in California," Ray told him. "And thirty-seven other states so yes. This counts."

"You two spent your morning screwing around…?" Cyril snapped.

"Correction," Ray pointed out. "We were increasing our skills to become more productive members of the agency."

"What did you do all morning?" Lana asked.

"Stuff!" Cyril protested. "I did stuff! Productive stuff! Bill stuff! Office stuff! Important stuff."

"You watched porn the entire time, didn't you?" Ray sighed.

"No! NO!" Cyril protested. "Not the entire time! I also did a crossword puzzle."

"Did that sound better in your head or…?" Lana asked.

"Okay fine," Cyril sighed as he took the papers. "Even online credentials are better than…Wait. How did you two pay for this?"

"Uh…" Lana and Ray looked at each other.

"You took money from the agency, didn't you?" Cyril groaned.

"Technically from Mallory's account," Lana coughed.

"It's not like she was going to use it for something other than buying alcohol!" Ray protested.

"Yeah that's fair," Cyril sighed. "Fine you two earned an…What's that smell?"

Krieger and Pam walked out. Their clothes were torn and slightly scorched. And they were holding the flamethrowers. "Okay the refrigerator is sanitized of all life forms," Krieger coughed. "Technically."

"Kind of like a scorched earth policy," Pam admitted.

"Oh no…" Lana winced. "You didn't!"

"No, no, no…" Cyril ran to look at the break room. "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"

"You did," Ray sighed. They all went to look.

The refrigerator was chopped up and burned out. There was water everywhere as well as foam. "On the up side," Pam spoke up. "We also cleaned the break room. Technically. I mean when water and foam go all over the place that's got to make stuff clean right?"

"Oohhhhhhh," Cyril made a whimpering noise of pain at the sight.

"I take it this means we're going out to eat for lunch?" Ray asked.

"That would be advisable yes," Krieger nodded. "Also, don't bring back any leftovers."

"Wasn't planning to," Lana sighed.

"We need to get a new refrigerator," Pam said. "That's something productive we can do for the rest of the day!"

"I could always make a new refrigerator!" Krieger said cheerfully.

"You mean like how you made a new toaster for the office?" Ray snapped.

Just then Milton zoomed by and popped out some toast. "Pass…" Cyril sighed as he staggered towards the bar.

"Still think productivity isn't an accident huh?" Ray asked Cyril.

"Obviously not in this office," Cyril groaned as he picked up a bottle of scotch. "And neither is lack of sobriety."