Accursed Verse!
It wasn't often that Pidge found herself venting in her diary any longer. Usually her frustrations were best channelled into a Bayard or mid Lion-flight, by blasting a shot of energy at an enemy fighter or other. Sometimes though, very rarely, she had a need to untangle the thoughts that occasionally kept her awake at night. That's what she had kept these few scrap pages for. They weren't exactly well written, it was never her forte after all. They were written in different styles, rhythms, tempos, each new piece written at a different time and in a different emotional state. The only constant between each passage was their very particular focus. She wasn't fooling or deluding herself of course. She knew full well it was a pointless endeavour to even hope.
Even before Oriande, before their newfound alliance with Lotor. Even now, as Allura spent almost every waking moment she could alongside the Galra Emperor, she saw how devoted, deluded and otherwise dedicated he was to that meaningless pursuit. Of course she and Hunk had joked about it, what else could they do? Lance never took any of his crushes seriously, so why should they treat it seriously...? Still, even as she and Hunk had mocked and giggled, something had struck her in his eyes. Much as she wanted to mock it, to shove it aside... This was different... Pointless, doomed, unrequited feelings for her, that all may be true... May she emphasised to herself. Maybe months ago it seemed impossible. Now, Pidge wondered how things might develop in future. In the unlikely event that Lotor should betray them, maybe in that moment of pain, there Lance would be to support Allura. A small spark, to turn easily into an ember. Though, the idea of Lotor turning was by now simply laughable. Lance, she decided, needed to learn to give up on a lost cause. Though, she would be a hypocrite to say so, even as she stared at the evidence of her own doomed, pointless and unrequited feelings.
Change, she realised with a heavy heart, comes with acceptance. An act that would turn this pointless collection of musings into what it deserved to be. Space Dust. Give up, she tells herself, on this lost cause. It was about time she did so. Any fool could see it wouldn't have worked. People who butt heads so much, they don't fall in love. People so utterly opposite, they don't fall in love. Opposites attract, when you're talking magnets that is. But people? No, that's not how it works. Not really. You need mystery enough to keep it interesting, but it needs to be complimentary enough to bind it together. There were times, moments, she'd thought that was happening between the two of them. Space Mall, maybe. Between their quest for the gameflux and their escape on Kaltenecker, his hand around hers, her arms around him... Their occasional and admittedly growing ever rarer game nights. Sometimes she'd pretend that a simple smile from him meant so much more than it really did. Sometimes she'd stare at his trash effigy, placed in such a way that it was always centre of her attention, and pretend it means less to her than it really does. It was time though, she could deny it no longer, to accept a smile was just a smile, a pile of junk is just a pile of junk and those moments she had simply misinterpreted. She could hide it just fine and he wasn't exactly smart enough to see it. Just had to keep hiding it until there was nothing left to ignore. Move on. It was time to crush the crush. She reached to crumple these messy pages and paused, just to read them one last time...
My Dear Idiot...
You irk and you vex me, annoy and frustrate,
I'll never say this to your dopey face,
But still, dumb jerk, you're kinda great...
But you never take anything seriously,
You're dense, unobservant and rude.
I hate the way you flirt and schmooze,
Shamefully watching you jealously,
Quiznak, you ass... I'm right here too!
Conceited, big headed, I know that's a lie.
Insecure, unsure, that's what you hide.
You are amazing, I know it's true.
So why can't you believe in you?
That angst you think that no-one knows,
Let me erase it by holding you close...
Variable never accounted for,
Stupid and crazy, illogical, mad!
Most ridiculous thought I ever had,
That I care for, I yearn for, I simply adore,
A big stupid goofball despite all his flaws.
Your big dumb height and big dumb grin,
Your big dumb heart that draws me in,
Your big dumb blue and shining eyes,
That always give me butterflies.
The kindness you give, laughter we share,
The longing ache when you aren't there...
Damn it. I even like your scruffy hair!
At times I just think you're an asshole,
At times, I would give you my soul.
I know this the most, you're just my best friend.
But if you knew all this, all that could end.
Sunsets happen every day,
A billion billion its true.
I could search the cosmos,
And only ever find one you.
So I can't gamble with our precious bond,
It's sad, I know how you'll respond,
I don't have the slightest chance,
So you can never know this, Lance...
I'll hide it, deny it, no matter how tough.
I will never risk losing the guy that I Love.
"What a load of garbage..." Pidge tore free the pages of drivel, crushed them in her fist and hurled the offensive article into a waiting disposal device. She watched, satisfied that in a moment it would just be little more than a bad lingering smell. Then, a furry lump darted from the clutter of the room. It was immediately obvious which of the two it was, given his trail of blue fuzz hovering in the air in his wake. The space caterpillar chirped happily, patches of blue fur giving way to patches of yellow beneath. As the newly passed crumpled piece of paper found it's way to the curious gaze of her green furred pet, Pidge wondered why only one of the two had decided to moult. She also wondered how and when Platt had chance to mount the Green Caterpillar as though it were his steed. Several frenzied squeaks sounded from around her. Chulatt mimed her, 'Lance' pose and Platt nodded, taking off slowly to the door with the screwed up paper firm in paw. The door of the room slid open with a well timed push of a panel from Chuchule. Pidge leaped to her feet, only to fall to the floor an instant afterwards. Growling with fury, she turned to Plachu, the little mouse had tangled her shoelaces together. The door closed behind Platt.
"Quiznak..." Pidge grunted, pulling herself free of her shoes and scrambling to the door. The castle corridors were empty. She knew that the average air speed velocity of a rotund-mouse laden space caterpillar was hardly fast enough for them to have escaped so quickly. A small creak and a metallic thud explained it. Air vents. Just small enough for her to not be able to squeeze in here. But, there was an intersection ahead. Just a few feet and... Another thud. She clambers and breifly struggles, heaves the grate free and shuffles furiously forward. Finding them is easy, the gloom of the crawlspace is now illuminated by the blue markings on Green's face. Pidge crawls rapidly after the hovering fuzz ball and its rodent rider.
"You stop right this tick or so help me..." Pidge genuinely seethed.
Platt responded with just a chuckle, urging the caterpillar forward with the Altean mouse equivalent of giddy up. The two of them slowly burst free of another small grate, hovering back into the corridors beneath them. They were getting closer to their quarry. Platt waved and smirked.
This grate was small, but just enough that she could squeeze through. Squeeze, grunt, heave and fall to the floor in a heap through. Her face was growing redder from the exertion and from something even she hadn't expected. Anger. Genuine and boiling anger. With a furious thrust forward, a sudden sparking of green energy, her Bayard appeared and shot it's grapple across the corridor. Platt, his face a few whiskers from the glowing green cord stopped fast, turning to Pidge with wide and panicked eyes. He began to chirrup angrily, waving his free hand and gesturing to the space caterpillar beneath him.
Pidge snatched the paper from the mouse with a watery glare. Her Bayard faded as she silently stared. Platt fell silent, watching a tear fall before being frustratedly wiped away. "This isn't a joke." Pidge's tone was cold, even as her eyes turned redder and the tears threatened again, her gaze remained cold as well. "You can tell Allura. You can find a way to tell Lance. But don't expect to find a friend when you see me again. I'm not kidding..." She softly kicked a panel of the castle wall, a disposal unit popping open. The paper fell in, a moment later it was vaporised. Pidge closed the panel and began to head slowly back to her room.
"Hey, Pidge, s'up?" A voice she'd recognise anywhere asked, his smile as disarming as his obvious concern. "Wait..." Lance's expression grew more serious, "You been...crying...?"
"Just hurt my arm..." Pidge grumbled, turning her gaze away. It hadn't really hurt, but she had done. If Lance had bothered to check for any injury, he'd have surely found a red mark that would bruise later. He didn't check though, he just ruffled her hair.
"Pidge, be more careful... You had me worried for a second..."
Pidge nodded silently, resuming the return to her room.
Lance wandered to his door, before briefly asking, "How about a game or two before bed?"
"Tired." Pidge's response came quickly, "Maybe some other time...?" Or, she realized, maybe not.
Lance just shrugged. "Sure thing." He didn't even bother to question the presence of Platt upon the green caterpillar as he walked back into his room, humming something beneath his breath.
Platt and his green mount solemnly followed Pidge back to her room. Sensing the tension between them, the other mice removed themselves in a chattering hurry. Green waited for Blue-Patchy-Yellow-Patchy to hover out as well. Pidge stood silently, waiting for a little privacy. It was rare for her to need it, but they would grant it when necessary. The mice and the caterpillars would search out somewhere secluded and warm to huddle together.
Pidge settled herself to bed with a long sigh. Easy enough, she realised. This would all be easy enough... At least, she hoped so. Of course it could be when he was just so damned oblivious to it all... There were bigger concerns in the universe. A billion billion bigger concerns... Drifting to sleep, Pidge found a single rhyme repeating in her mind...
His Lion is Red,
Used to be Blue,
Quit the dumb poems,
He'll never love you...
She hated to admit it, but she guessed...it must be true...
[Author's Note] : This is what happens when I first envision an upbeat tale between Lance and Pidge...
And then the latest season happens...
And I'm left wondering... Are both my favourite Voltron ships sunk now...?
This is more an exercise in catharsis than anything else, cobbled together in the space of an hour or two.
Just something to vent my post-season doubts and blues regarding Plance...
