Note: I haven't written anything for a long time. This is due to work and relationships and all that jazz. However, this idea just came to me this morning and I was desperate to give it a go. As the story progresses, I will delve into what potentially could be a rich, complex relationship between Tess and Ellie. How things develop, I don't know yet. But that's writing for you. Some episodes from the game will be incorporated into this story, so, of course, be aware of spoilers.
It was like when you make a move in chess and just as you take your finger off the piece,
you see the mistake you've made,
and there's this panic because
you don't know yet the scale of disaster
you've left yourself open to.
–Ishiguro
i.
'––Don't breathe.'
Heaven and Hell collide somewhere in the centre. A bullet strokes past her ear, and she watches the deadly seed travel through the air. When his head explodes from the impact, the girl stares, fascinated, disturbed, terrified. The bullet penetrates his skull. Bursts out his left temple. His friend receives the same bullet, blood splashed across the walls, and again, and then again.
One bullet. Four men down.
Ellie's ears are ringing.
She blinks. Hard. As if waking from a dream.
'Keep moving, kid.'
Quiet. They are so quiet, so lethal, Ellie wonders if they are truly invisible. She follows her, gripping onto her pistol so tightly, she has managed to stop the blood circulating her palm. It makes her arm go numb. Or maybe she's just going crazy. Maybe this is dying. No man or undead will destroy her; she'll just destroy herself. From clinging on too hard, for just a little too long.
Rain trickles down her cheeks. They need shelter for the night. And both of them are starving to death. Ellie has forgotten the taste of food. Her mouth is full of ash and rotten flesh. She thinks she might vomit. But her heart is in her throat, squeezing, and she still hasn't breathed yet. Her lungs ache. They have to keep moving, but every corner they turn, there's another soldier; another mound of corruption, waving his pretty gun around. If given the chance, they will both be shot dead.
Miraculously, they go unnoticed. An abandoned garage is close by. Ellie follows, close to her ankles, and eventually gives in; she gasps for air. Her body trembles, sweat on her forehead, hands breaking. It occurs to her that she is in shock. That she might panic, and lose her mind. A part of her wants to fall into hysteria, and scream. Scream so viciously, her voice shreds and she's left dumb.
'Tess?'
'In here. Quickly.'
Tess is stronger than she appears – or, perhaps she's just desperate – because she manages to lift the garage doors open. Straining under the intense weight, she lets Ellie through first. Hurriedly, Ellie crawls inside, and finds something sturdy enough to hold the door open.
Once they're safely indoors, Tess adjusts the doors; ensures they are locked. Ellie hasn't moved. She can't move. She just stares at the five corpses huddled together in the corner of the garage. They haven't been dead long. But the stench hurts. Ellie's temperature spikes, 'Fuck,' and she turns away.
When Tess grabs the handgun on the ground, she checks the magazine, and then the deceased family. 'Poor bastards.' Ellie glances at her. There must be bullets in the gun because Tess pockets it. Ellie frowns. She didn't hear an ounce of sympathy in those two words. Although, to be completely fair, Tess has seen too many sights such as these to wield the energy to care.
It all gets a bit repetitive.
'Look around for anything you can find. Anything useful.'
'Don't worry. I know the drill.'
Ellie isn't very fortunate. She discovers a few cans of gone-off food. Blankets. A misplaced diary which she has no interest in reading. The garage is joined to another room where Tess has gone. Ellie inhales deeply when she enters. At least it doesn't smell as bad in here, but there's only so much they can grab.
A book grabs her attention. Never Let Me Go written by Kazuo Ishiguro. Curious, Ellie cracks the book open. What she assumed to be a lovey-dovey novel isn't one after all. But dark and sad and a story of forbidden hope.
'Why did people used to write about sad things?' She sighs, eyeing the cover. 'Especially when their world was so much happier.'
'You don't know that.' Tess strides over, 'Here,' she throws a packet of biscuits in her direction. 'It's not much but it'll keep you on your feet. Not much I can find. Try and get some rest and we'll head out at first light.'
The biscuits are dry and stale. But it's food.
'What are you gonna have?' Ellie asks, mouthful.
'I'll be fine.' Tess won't be fine, but she's not important. In fact Ellie can't recall a time when Tess has put herself first. Herself just doesn't even occur to her. 'Stay here. I'll check the bodies.'
Ellie is relieved to miss the opportunity. She finishes her biscuits, and carries her new book to a far corner of the room. The cold has started to creep in through the gaps. She shudders, and begins to read. She's slightly alert of Tess's movement. When she returns, Tess is silent, and Ellie doesn't ask what she found.
She hears a crack. Like a match being lit.
Looking up, Ellie watches Tess light a cigarette.
'You smoke?'
Tess doesn't answer. Not immediately. She enjoys the first inhale. The euphoria as it travels down chest, her legs, just lifting her into a place where the ache in her bones isn't as agonising.
'Not since the outbreak.'
Ellie doesn't mind the smell. She observes Tess a moment longer. Pleased she's discovered something to enjoy. 'Can I have a try?'
'Huh.' Tess looks at her, a crooked smile; almost a disapproving scowl. 'Not likely.' But there's a fondness hidden deep. 'What's your book about?'
'Oh. I don't really know yet. I think I've read it before, though. About a bunch of kids who don't get to run their own lives because they're donors. Or whatever. They're born to give away their organs, basically. Until it eventually kills 'em.'
There isn't a response, and Ellie thinks Tess has stopped listening so she resumes her reading.
Tess stands, stubs out her cigarette, 'Jesus,' she mutters, and Ellie stiffens; book held tight. And neither speak for the remainder of the evening.
Gunfire.
Ellie gasps, brutally awoken.
Tess grasps for her hunting rifle, and peers through the window. She watches, still as ever. Two soldiers have thrown a couple of civilians to the ground, threatened them, shot one in the head for his lack of cooperation. It's the woman they let live. Tess looks away briefly, aware of Ellie's eyes on her.
Both can hear the woman scream. Ellie blinks, wide-eyed, confused, frightened, and when she begins to stand, Tess grabs her by the shoulder and forces her down. 'Why can't we do something?' Ellie whispers harshly.
'There's nothing we can do.'
In that moment, Ellie loathes her.
What a coward's way out!
But Tess is right. There's nothing.
'We need to go. Stay close to me.'
They escape.
Abandon the city they resided in overnight, and out into open field.
Winter is furious. Cold, bitter, demonic. Tess's leather jacket barely keeps in the warmth, and Ellie's hoody doesn't do much either. But if they move, and don't stop moving, they won't freeze to death.
Most of their travels are in silence. They've been going for nearly three months now, and Ellie only knows her name.
And they don't talk about Joel.
Or how it felt when Tess squeezed the trigger, and watched him die.
After he begged.
Ellie has witnessed the madness before. When her dearest friend was infected, Ellie saw the crazy. When her eyes dilated, her jaw snapped, all essence of love and life gone. Ellie doesn't entertain how close Joel and Tess were. She doesn't want to. It might just make her sad, and she's sick of being sad.
'D'you think this'll work?'
Tess sighs. She only met Tommy once, and she doubts Joel's brother will recognise her. Those two did not see eye to eye. Although there was a reluctant respect they held for one another. 'I honestly don't know. We just need to get to Jackson County; just need to get there and…' She peers at Ellie from round her shoulder, 'It'll be fine.'
But he could be dead.
And God knows where Tommy is right now. Tess picked Jackson County because it's the last she heard of his whereabouts. To rely on a Firefly though, to approach a Firefly for help – it unsettles her stomach. It isn't just the Fireflies either, but people. After the outbreak, Joel was the only person she could depend on.
Even that had its complications.
She wonders if Joel would do the same.
Protect one little girl to save the damned human race.
She wonders, and hopes, that if their situations were reversed, he would have done the same.
They come across a hill of burnt undead. Gathered by either Fireflies or the military. Just hundreds of bodies. Smoke still emits from their charcoal forms. Tess doesn't seem to notice. Ellie tries not to either.
'What's the point in killing what's already dead?'
'It's called cremation. Sometimes, when people die, they––' she chuckles meekly. 'Ah, forget it.'
'I thought people were just buried.'
'Not always.' Tess hasn't slowed her pace. Ellie has trouble keeping up at times, especially in moments like these when Tess wanders in her own head. It is heavy with memories and thoughts and a shit amount of regret. 'There are many ways to get rid of a body. Some people just find it hard to let a body decay without, y'know, giving it some form of burial. Giving it peace.'
'I've never buried a body before,' Ellie murmurs, vacant.
'You should be so lucky,' Tess whispers, and Ellie isn't sure if it's just the wind.
By the time they reach the next town Ellie has finished the book. It doesn't make her upset, as such, but her throat hurts, and she doesn't know why crying would relieve her. She's angry. Angry that the writer couldn't have rewarded her heroine with a happy ending. Angry that the writer seemed to already have a grasp on the desolate world she and Tess have to survive in.
Not many undead roam here. Tess entrusted Ellie with a pistol weeks ago, and it's an easy job between them. Following Tess's training, Ellie is silent on her feet. Not even the one clicker hears her approach, and soon the town is theirs. And this is the part Tess hates most.
That emptiness.
'Hey, check this out!' A house has the doors wide open, and Ellie freely invites herself in. The first thing she spots is a bizarrely shaped red piece of technology. It opens, revealing two screens, and buttons on the side. Nintendo is inscribed on the bottom. Smiling, Ellie turns to Tess, showing her the device, 'One of my friends used to own one of these. When I was at the orphanage.'
It's the first insight into her childhood Ellie has provided.
'What happened to your friend?'
'Dead.' Ellie clears her throat. 'You know, I don't think that orphanage is still standing.'
'Don't dwell on it,' Tess replies, making her way upstairs. 'Pretty much everywhere is gone.' Two bedrooms are up ahead. She considers retreating. There's just something awful about invading people's privacy when they're undoubtedly no longer alive. One bedroom has a double bed, dusted over, the sheets torn. A photograph of a man and woman on the nightstand.
Inside one of the draws are a few bandages, a small paper knife, pencils.
The wardrobe at least has a few warm coats. Tess grabs one and passes it over to Ellie, 'Try this on.'
'It's got pink flowers all over it.'
Tess looks, and, true enough, the coat does indeed have pink flowers. She raises a brow at the young woman.
'Seriously?'
'Fine,' Ellie mutters, shrugging on the coat. At least it'll keep her warm.
Tess rummages through more clothes and finds what she was looking for. 'People are so predictable.' Retrieving a small box, she opens it up, and not to her surprise, a gun is contained with spare ammunition. She stashes the goods away quickly, and abandons the wardrobe.
While Ellie studies the pictures hung up on the walls, Tess approaches the next bedroom.
Stops.
The door is ajar. She can see the blue walls, with big, white puffy clouds painted across. The aeroplane mobile, hanging from the ceiling, and she dares herself to open the door a little wider.
She sees a cot. Unused blankets.
Blue.
A portrait of joy.
Nothing has been touched.
Everything is ready, waiting; waiting for an arrival which never came.
Tess closes the door. She begins to feel faint, as if some cruel, possessed, horrid creature has yanked out her lungs, her heart, stomach, and laughed at her misery. That bedroom was a gruesome image and she's livid. She's so angry she just wants to punch the fucking walls, break the doors, yell––
'What's the matter?'
She hates Ellie's concern. 'Nothing.' Tess doesn't wait for Ellie to catch up, rushing down the stairs; fleeing. 'Let's get the fuck out of here.'
