A/N: Hi! Yes, I'm back! I got a review a little while ago saying that maybe I should add on to "You Think You Know Me" (a poem I wrote years ago) with events that show that Leo's bros really don't know him, and I decided to take that advice to create a new story. Thanks, dragonslayer111!
This takes place in the 2k12 verse, sometime after Splinter's death.
I don't own TMNT.
"Plan, Fearless?" Raph yells to me from the other side of the room.
Fearless. It's the only respectful nickname he's given me, but of course, it's the one I hate the most.
I glance over at him to see him stab yet another Kraang droid with his sais, breaking the disgusting-looking pink alien free from its robotic refuge.
I feel a droid sneaking up behind me. I hold my breath and count 3... 2... 1...
I whip around and slice the robotic body in half, and it crashes onto the floor. CLASH!
Looking back at Raph, Mikey, and Donnie, who are continuing to fight those darn Kraang who never seem to run out of backups, I quickly come up with a plan of action. "Defeat the rest of these Kraang, grab the communication orb, and get out of here."
The whole reason why we're here is because of Donnie. He wants a Kraang communication orb so he can contact the turtles of other dimensions, or something like that. Why he wants to do that, I'm not really sure, but I trust him.
I turn back to the swarm of Kraang heading my way. Kick, clash, punch, clash, spin, clash, clash, clash. Done. I straighten my stance and return my katana to where they belong, turning to my brothers who appear to have defeated their fair share of Kraang as well. Donnie runs over to the array of well-protected Kraang communication orbs at the opposite end of the room, using his naginata to pry open the encasement they're in, and carefully takes one out.
An alarm rings out.
We ignore it and flee stealthily, like the ninja we are.
Night has fallen and I sit at my desk in my room. My private diary is open to my latest entry, which happens to be today.
Don't get me wrong, nicknames are cool, but only to some extent. I don't mind "Leo," because "Leonardo" is too much of a mouthful sometimes, but I absolutely despise...
KNOCK! KNOCK!
My head jerks up at the merciless banging. It's Raph, obviously. Only he knocks like that.
In any other normal circumstance, I would quickly shut the diary closed, put it away, and say, "Come in." But the problem with Raph is, he doesn't care.
"Hey, Fearless," he greets as he lets himself in, giving me no time to react.
"Oh- uh, hey, Raph," I answer awkwardly. I would try to hide the diary, but his emerald eyes are very... observant... right now, watching my every move vigilantly. I mean, I am a ninja, a good one, if I do say so myself, but so is he. He'd notice that I'm trying to hide something.
So instead, I try to act natural. Problem? I'm not a very good actor.
"So, uh, what do you need?" I ask.
He doesn't answer, his eyes trailing to my desk, to the very item I don't want him to see. "What's that?"
"Oh, just a book. Nothing important," I answer, trying to dismiss it.
"About what?" Raph questions.
My mind tries to come up with a plausible lie, but I can only draw a blank. "Oh, you know, about... ninjutsu. Especially... meditation... and... that kind of stuff." I know how much he hates meditation. Maybe that will disinterest him.
"Uh-huh," Raph scoffs, obviously not believing me. He crosses his arms and looks me right in the eye. "Looks like Fearless Leader is trying to hide something. Guess he ain't so fearless after all, huh?"
In any other normal circumstance, I would ignore his statement. But he's used that word too many times, and part of my mind is still back in my diary thoughts.
...but I absolutely despise the nickname "Fearless Leader"...
Fearless. Fearless. Fearless.
"I'm not fearless!"
My shout echoes across the room, one, two, three times. Raph looks at me with some kind of shock. He didn't expect me to react that way.
It's only then I realize my teeth are clenched and my hands are balled into fists. I think I look like Raph when he's angry... but I'm not Raph.
He finally breaks the silence. "What do you mean?"
I can't answer. I look down, trying to pry my eyes off of my blue leather-bound diary, but I can't.
...because I'm not. I'm not fearless. If anything, I'm fearFUL. I'm so afraid that I'm going to screw up, like ACTUALLY screw up, and lose my brothers because of it...
I don't notice Raph walking over to me, to my desk, his hands swooping in the air to grab my diary until it's too late.
"Wait! Raph! Don't!" I cry, flying off my seat and running to him. But he's faster. He jumps out of the way and begins reading out loud.
I would continue fighting for the book that holds all my confidential thoughts, but something about hearing them out loud, suspended in the air, paralyzes me.
Don't get me wrong, nicknames are cool, but only to some extent. I don't mind "Leo," because "Leonardo" is too much of a mouthful sometimes, but I absolutely despise the nickname "Fearless Leader" because I'm not. I'm not fearless. If anything, I'm fearFUL. I'm so afraid that I'm going to screw up, like ACTUALLY screw up, and lose my brothers because of it.
If that happened, then I would be an actual failure. Not just to my brothers, or Sensei, but to myself.
I would rather die than fail.
I know I'm being a coward. I know I should accept the fact that I'm not perfect and that even I can fail. Then I can learn from my mistakes.
But I can't.
I'm too afraid.
Raph's voice gets quieter and quieter as he nears the end of the journal entry. When he does finish, he turns back to me.
Normally, it's me who stares at him straight in the eye until he's forced to turn away. But not this time. This time, it's me who turns away. I can't look at him right now.
"Leo," he whispers in a voice filled with guilt and regret, "I had no idea..."
I can feel little droplets starting to form in my eyes. Thinking those thoughts is hard enough, but hearing them aloud is even worse. Now they're real. Now they aren't a secret anymore. Now he knows. He knows how I feel.
But he's not supposed to know.
He can't know. But he does.
I snatch my diary back from his hands and glare at him. "Go."
"Leo..."
"Just GO!"
Raph flinches, something I've never seen him do, before walking out the door.
I watch his retreating figure, the droplets in my eyes growing bigger and bigger. One slips out and falls on my diary.
I guess now you know how I actually feel, Raph.
Another tear falls.
I guess now you know that I'm not fearless.
And somehow, that means I've failed. Now he knows about one of my weaknesses, something a leader is never supposed to show.
Now he'll be afraid during missions, knowing I'm not actually fearless. Now he won't trust me as much in my plans or decisions. Now he won't look at me the same way...
Because I'm not a fearless leader.
I'm a hopeless, fearful one.
I never deserved to be the leader...
A/N: Well, that went in a totally different direction than I expected... whoops... but I think I'm turning this into a chapter story with events like this that expose Leo's insecurities and fears.
I'll probably focus mostly on Leo/Raph. Not that I don't care about Mikey and Donnie, but I feel like they have a special connection (and also, they're my favorite turtles).
Anyway, what do you guys think? Feedback is always appreciated! :)
