A/N: I had this random idea today in class. I know that Valentine's Day has passed already and I have two other stories I need to finish, but I wanted to get this out there. I know this first chapter is short, but I hope you guys enjoy! Reviews are appreciated!


Cartman rolled his eyes as he looked around at everyone's Valentine's bags taped up against the chalkboard. The classroom was buzzing with excitement over the holiday, each with their little bag of valentines. Cartman had brought some as well, but only because his mother made him.

He sighed as he waited for Mr. Garrison to get on with the stupid holiday. Everyone knew that Valentine's Day sucked ass. Cartman looked over at Stan, who was staring at Wendy with that love struck look on his face. Cartman then looked over at Kenny, who was chatting up Red and Bebe at the same time. Damn that kid worked fast.

Kyle, however, looked just as bored as Cartman. Cartman could appreciate this, but it didn't really surprise him. No one could love a Jew. That was a fact. It was proven by science. Cartman was sure he had seen someone win a Nobel Prize for that.

Finally, Mr. Garrison came in. He looked rather annoyed, but he sat down at his desk and put on a smile for the class. "Happy Valentine's Day, kids. Now, please walk around and place all of your pointless pieces of paper that you paid good money for into the right sacks so we can get on with class."

Everyone got up and hurriedly started dropping valentines into the bags. Cartman took his time getting up and lazily walked towards the bags. He placed the correct valentine in each bag, except Kyle and Craig's. Kyle didn't get one. That's what he deserved for being Hebrew. Craig was just an asshole.

When they were all done, they sat back down. Mr. Garrison rested his chin on his palm and stared at the class. "Okay, now, by row you are going to go up there and grab your bag and quietly take it back to your seats."

Row one got up, which included Cartman. Cartman once again took his time. Everyone else grabbed their bags and hurried back to their seats and began looking through their valentines. Cartman was the last one from that row standing, and when he pulled his bag off the chalkboard, he turned to glare at the class.

"What the hell?" Cartman yelled.

Mr. Garrison frowned at him. "I said quietly, Eric! Now take your seat!"

Cartman gaped at Mr. Garrison. "I didn't get anything, Mr. Garrison. I didn't get anything."

"Maybe if you weren't such a dick all the time, you might have gotten something," Craig intoned nasally.

The class laughed, but Cartman was not amused. "Shut up Craig you fucking asshole! It's a wonder that you got anything!"

"Quiet, Eric! Back to your seat or I'll send you to the guidance counselor!" Mr. Garrison snapped angrily.

Cartman crossed his arms and stomped back to his seat. "Un-fucking-believable," he muttered under his breath as he sat down.


At lunch, the only difference in seating was that Stan sat with Wendy. Cartman dropped his tray onto the table and sat down without a word. Kenny and Kyle exchanged glances silently.

"Hey, Cartman, you okay?" Kyle asked tentatively.

Cartman frowned. "Why wouldn't I be? Valentine's Day is a stupid holiday anyway."

Kyle shrugged. "You only took one pudding today, I was just wondering."

Cartman raised an eyebrow. "My God…you're right," Cartman laughed nervously and shook his head. "What was I thinking?"

Cartman hopped up and ran over to the lunch line to discretely snag another pudding. In his absence, Kyle and Kenny exchanged glances again.


After lunch, Cartman stopped by his locker to grab a few books for class. He spun the combination and then pulled it open, only to see a card resting on his books.

"What the…?" Cartman wondered aloud as he snatched it up. He tore open the envelope, which was addressed to him, and pulled out a card with Terrance and Phillip on the front reading "I just wanted to tell you what I think of you this Valentine's Day…"

Cartman opened it, which triggered a farting noise along with laughs.

"That was a good one Terrance!" Phillip complimented in the recording.

"It sure was, Phillip!" Terrance replied.

Cartman stared down at the card. There was no name. All the inside of the card had in it were more pictures of the Canadian duo.

Cartman smirked. Someone gave him a valentine, and they wanted to keep it anonymous. Well, Cartman wouldn't have that. No way. Anonymous valentines were for pussies, and this person was going to fess up or get rooted out.