How does that saying go?

Love makes you do stupid things. Oh yeah. That one.

Olivia felt like a fucking asshole for not being there for Amanda in the way she wanted to.

Olivia's heart was breaking for the younger detective, but her heart was also breaking for herself.

Olivia had learned to distance herself a long time ago from getting close again with anyone she worked with. Until Amanda became a mom. Their relationship had went from being at each other's necks, to very good friends. Olivia enjoyed the company of the other woman, and she was glad that their relationship had finally changed. She was getting too tired of the constant bickering with Amanda.

Amanda was also thankful for the change. Everyone BUT Olivia knew that she was also head over heels in love with her, which made it hard to be around her superior at times. Amanda had made a vow to herself to not fall in love with anyone she worked with, because that never ended well. Until Amanda met Olivia.

There had been a few nights here and there where Amanda was curled up next to Olivia on the couch while watching a movie after the kids had fallen asleep, but nothing more came from it. And little did Amanda know, Olivia wanted more. She practically craved it. But when she felt herself getting too close, she began to pull away from her, trying to save herself from hurt in the end.

Olivia pulled herself out the trance she was in and tried to comfort Amanda who was sitting in front of her desk, hysterical over the news she had received.

"You fired the bullet that killed Esther LaBott."

Is all Amanda could think about. She kept replaying those words over and over again in her head, and she felt sick. She wanted to crawl in a hole and never come out. The last thing Amanda could have imagined to come out of this situation was to not have Esther dead, but it had happened, and it was something Amanda was going to have to live with.

"I'm sorry." Olivia quietly said, placing her hand on her shoulder.

She wanted to comfort her more than that, she wanted to take her into her arms.

Amanda shook her head and wiped her tears and collected herself. "I need to get out of here. Can you take Jesse for the night?" She asked, practically begging.

"Amanda... I don't think it's a good idea for you to be alone right now..." Olivia sighed, looking at the blonde.

"I'll ask Fin then." Amanda snapped back as Olivia shook her head and grabbed her arm. "I'll take her. Just promise me that you'll call me if you need anything?" Olivia was concerned for Amanda's mental health. She knew the toll this was going to take on her, and she needed to be there for her.

"I'll have my sitter drop her off when you're home." And with that, Amanda grabbed her things and left.

Olivia sat back down at her desk and rubbed her face. There wasn't much Olivia could do at this point except pray. Pray that Amanda wasn't going to do anything stupid, and pray that Olivia could help her through this.