Disclaimer: I own nothing but that insane mind which made this up

AN: Big thanx to fallenguitarist for being my beta! The title is taken from Placebo song „Up that hill" which was the background music when I wrote this. Please R&R. Enjoy! :)

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Spencer Reid is not the type that passes out on the crime scene. When he was younger, when he was the BAU newbie, he threw out few times and those times are long gone. He knew that Agatha Lineage from the second floor has to be kept away from particulary bad crime scenes because she has low blood pressure and nobody wants to risk that they´ll have to call an ambulance. Again.
Spencer saw too many bloody scenes to have a problem with it.
He hears a clatter as something fell on the cement floor of the hangar and later he realizes it was his own gun that slipped from his hands. He feels his breath coming in short gasps, his heart thudding painfuly in his chest and his head is spinning. Someone is holding him up, urging him to breathe, but he can´t; he can´t think, he can´t breathe, his hands are shaking and he can´t take his eyes off the body that hangs in front of them on the thick rope, the body which looks so much like…
He feels his legs go weak and the grip on his arm tightens. Someone is calling him but the sound of his heartbeat in his ears makes it impossible to hear. Before he can do something about it his knees give out beneath him and his vision blackens.
He is sitting in front of the hangar on the ground, bend forward and someone´s hand is running soothing circles on his back, caresing his hair out of his face and repeating one thing over and over again.
"It´s okay, just breathe. That´s it, Reid. Breathe."
And he does, his eyes sting and the tears he didn´t shed so long ago run down his cheeks. The person beside him which he recognized as JJ runs her fingers over his cheekbone and rests her forehead on his temple.
"It wasn´t him, Spence," she whispers „it wasn´t Gideon."
And Spencer almost wishes he was. Because not knowing where he is, maybe is worse than knowing he´s dead.