OwlCookies: takes place during episode 13 of like… whut? The original? Brotherhood? I don't remember. But the episode was called "Fullmetal VS Flame"

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Team Edward or Team Jacob, people ask. But you know, when people ask me the question, I answer the obvious answer. Team Edward… Elric. Yes, but this isn't a story about vampires, it's about Ed and Roy.

It was a rainy day in East City. One particular man, Roy Mustang, was one of those downers when it came to rain. In fact, he was useless in the rain. But today, he would have to try his best to become unuseless because today was the day where two chosen men from the military went against each other in a battle the Fuhrer chose.

Every year, the Fuhrer chose two officers and the type of battle they would participate in. This year, it was a battle of Edward Elric versus Roy Mustang. But strangely, the Fuhrer refused to tell anyone what the battle was this year. It may have struck the two odd, but they didn't mind. Instead, they thought of how to beat the other.

Ed was in his room, wiping his automail so it would sparkle, kinda like the sun. Well, of course, if it was sunny. Al was sitting in front of him, his armor glistening as the lights in the room rained down upon him. He looked at his older brother wearily.

"How are you going to defeat the colonel if it's a battle?" he asked.

"I'm going to beat the snot out of him! Then he's going to keep that cat you found," Ed replied, huffing.

He studied his very shiny automail. When he was convinced that it was flawless, he put the drag down and stretched. "Let's go Al, the Fuhrer's going to announce the battle soon."

Back in East Headquarters, Roy's subordinates Riza Hawkeye, Vato Falman, Heymans Breda, Jean Havoc, and Kain Fuery stood, being completely bored while Riza did something productive by reading a book and looking bored and still having perfect posture.

"Who would win?" Bread asked. "If Mustang and the kid went head to head against each other?"

"It has to be the Flame!" Fuery exclaimed, holding a puppy in his arms.

"But you can't count of Fullmetal," Havoc said. "The kids a hero in this region."

"I wonder what Ed'll do when he wins," Falman commented.

Riza, still looking down at her book and still having perfect posture, replied, "I heard that it would be a cat. Ed and Mustang bet, that if Ed won, the colonel would keep a cat."

Fuery sighed. "To bad for this little guy."

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"To answer your wonders about this year's battle…" the Fuhrer announced. "A sparkle contest between Colonel Roy Mustang and Edward Elric." Harhar, Ed doesn't get a title.

There was an awkward silence.

"YOU'RE GOING DOWN, MUSTANG!" Ed shouted.

Ed tore of his red coat and began doing these random Armstrong poses and making his automail all shiny and sparkly. As he smirked at Roy's dumbfounded expression, his eyes sparkled with miniature sparkles around him.

Roy smirked, instantly getting sparkles.

Both of them were doing Armstrong poses now. The whole entire scene was pretty much filled with sparkles. That is, until someone came along.

"YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG!"

Armstrong came bounding in, stripping off his shirt and now doing his famous Armstrong poses making the whole entire scene explode with his pink man sparkles.

... Then everyone there exploded. Except for Riza who was standing with perfect posture, holding Roy's coat and looking very annoyed.

"Did he have to strip off his shirt?"

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OwlCookies: crack… yes… it was stupid… and im probably plaguing the fma archives with stupidness. But im sorry… I got this idea after thinking about ed… and sparkles…