I'm back! Sorry its been a while, my computer had to visit the doctors and then I became an auntie for the first time and my life has been rather busy (involving lots of baby cloth shopping naturally!!)
For those of you waiting on my 'in progress' stories, I will get back to them I promise – I'm sorry I've deserted them for so long.
This is a bit of a drabble, the idea for which sounded better in my head than it has come out on paper, but I hope you all find it at least mildly entertaining.
Harm walked into Headquarters, a small smile gracing his handsome features. Life was good. He had custody of Mattie, work was going well and he and Mac were talking again….well kind of anyway. They were slowly getting back on track. He still hadn't forgotten how Mac had helped him with Mattie's case. Maybe there was some hope for them after all. He flashed Harriet what Mac referred to as his Flyboy smile as he passed her in the bullpen and carried on through to his office. As he settled down at his desk and logged into his computer, he was interrupted by a knock at the door. He looked up to see Jennifer Coates standing in the doorway.
"Morning sir." She said with a smile.
"Good morning Petty Officer," he replied, smiling at his charge's roommate. "What can I do for you?"
"I just wanted to remind you that Mattie and I are going to the movies this evening." Jen replied, moving to turn and leave, "oh an staff call in ten minutes sir." Harm smiled at her gratefully; he had forgotten that staff call was going to be early today.
"Thank you Petty Officer." He said, "Is Colonel Mackenzie in yet?" he winced slightly as he received a slightly knowing grin from the young woman. Damn, he thought, it was obvious that Mattie had already discussede her views on his and Mac's relationship with her new roommate. I should get Mac to introduce her to Chloe, he thought with a wry smile, they could plan our lives to their hearts content!
"no sir, not yet." Jen's voice pulled him briefly from his reverie as she looked at him, eyes dancing with amusement at his inattentiveness.
As the Petty Officer left him, his thoughts drifted back to his charge and the conversation they had been having the previous evening. She was one perceptive kid. He couldn't believe that she had asked him that thought. Was he in love with Mac?! She had only known them for two minutes; was he really that transparent?! He sighed heavily. His and Mac's relationship was so up in the air right now. She had gone from 'things will never work out between us' to telling a court room full of people he was 'exactly the kind of man she would want as a father for her children' (a statement that had sent his memory racing back almost 5 years to their baby deal; and from the look on her face had done the same for her) in the space of a few months. Mattie had been convinced that this meant that Mac loved him too, and she had been unperturbed the previous evening when he had pointed out that Mac was still with Webb.
"That doesn't mean anything Harm!" she had said, "you can tell by the way she looks at you."
"Nonsense." He had replied, "She's made herself perfectly clear. She can't stop flaunting the fact that she's with Webb." To his utter surprise, Mattie had just laughed at him.
"She's trying to make you jealous silly." She had exclaimed, her amused expression suggesting she had been wondering how she had got stuck with such a dummy as a guardian. "she's trying to find out how you feel about her."
"She knows how I feel about her." He had replied, feeling rather uncomfortable about the thread this conversation was following.
"Have you ever told her?" Mattie had pressed.
"She knows how I feel" he had repeated weakly, knowing that he had always been too scared to tell her exactly how much he loved her. Mattie had rolled her eyes at him.
"Women aren't mind readers Harm! Sometimes we need to be told these things!"
At this point he had started laughing at the absurdity of the conversation; a fifteen year old girl was standing in front of him trying to advise him about his love life.
"The thing between Mac and I is complicated." He had finally replied, "Like I told you before, we'll always find our way back to the way we were so don't you worry."
Mattie hadn't pressed him anymore, and had gone back to the apartment she shares with Jen shortly after.
Once again his thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. He looked up to see Mac leaning casually against the doorframe.
"Hey sailor" she said with the slightly uncertain smile that was a constant feature of their current friendship. "You're going to be late for staff call."
"I was just coming!" he replied with a grin as he got to his feet and followed her and Sturgis into the conference room.
During staff call Petty Officer Coates spent a large amount of time observing the Commander and the Colonel out of the corner of her eye. Mattie had told her of her plan the previous evening, and she was completely supportive of the teenager's idea. Since she had been transferred to JAG Headquarters, Jen had noticed that at least 90 of the office scuttlebutt involved two of the people she respected the most: the two who had taken the time to help her and ultimately stop her from returning to her previous lifestyle.
Although Mattie hadn't told her the reason behind her plan, Jen suspected that she had finally been able to wheedle some useful information out of her guardian which had accelerated her need to act. Jen had to admit it was a good plan, if slightly contrived and soppy in the way that most teenaged girls' ideas about love were. At first she hadn't been sure it would work, but after Mattie had explained her observations about the pair, she had to admit it might work, or at least give them the kick they quite clearly needed. It was very simple. Among other thoughts, Mattie had explained how she had noticed something amusing about the dynamic between the pair; whenever they were in a car together, more specifically in Harm's car, Mac always took control of the radio. And Harm always let her with out commenting. It was this simple fact that Mattie's entire plan was based on. Jen wasn't completely convinced it would work as Mattie hoped, but thought it might do something. If it didn't, Jen thought sardonically, I'm sure Lt Sims would be keen to help us come up with some ideas. She was pulled out of her thoughts by the scraping of chairs beside her, and she looked up quickly to see staff call was over and the two objects of her observations were following the others out of the door bickering loudly about who would get to drive. Excellent, Jen thought with a grin. They've been sent on that Norfolk assignment that was put on the Admiral's desk late last night. Mattie's plan might be taking effect sooner than she thought.
Harm followed Mac out to his car. He had won her over by complaining that his back was sore. She had immediately agreed that he could drive since she only had her 'Vette. As they headed out of the JAG car park Mac, jus as Mattie had predicted, started fiddling with the radio, trying to find a song that she liked, sighing heavily each time she came to a station that was playing a song she didn't want to listen to. Harm kept glancing over at her, amused beyond belief.
"There are some CDs in the glove compartment if that helps." He said mildly, "they are mostly Mattie's but you might find something you like." She shot him a withering glare, but reached in front of her all the same to open the glove compartment and look inside. She grabbed the one on top and inspected the back cover.
"The Fratellis." she read, "Are they any good?" Harm shrugged.
"Mattie loves them. They're some British band." Mac smiled,
"Well lets see what they're like." She decided, reaching over and pressing the eject button on the CD player. A CD slid out, and Mac picked up, pausing when she saw that it was a blank CD with 4 words written on it in block letters.
"LISTEN TO THE LYRICS." She read out, her brow furrowing in confusion. "Harm? What's this?" she asked. He glanced over at the CD in her hands.
"I don't know. I've never seen it before. That's Mattie's writing on the front. Must be another thing of hers. Shall we see what it is?"
Mac nodded and slipped the CD back into the CD player.
As the first lines were being played, Harm groaned softly to himself. Mattie was obviously trying to match make the two of them. She had played this song often enough, and he had noted that the words really did remind him of Mac. He considered reaching over and taking the CD out, but something inside him wondered what would come of Mattie's little scheme.
I'm not gonna patronize you,
By trying to write down why I like you.
It doesn't make it any better,
To just steal kind words off Phil Spector.
And I know all these tired clichés,
But I don't know which cliché to say.
Because clichés don't have any impact,
So I guess I will be matter-of-fact.
'Cause...It's so good to know you,
That I just don't know how to show you.
Harm risked a glance over at Mac who had barely moved since the beginning of the song. She was sitting there, confusion marring her pretty face as she listened to the lyrics. He started to sing along softly under his breath.
At the sound of his voice, Mac jerked slightly, looking over at him. Listen to the lyrics? She wondered, still pondering the cryptic message on the CD cover. Was Mattie trying to tell them something? She listened to the words as Harm sang softly along with the lead singer.
"I love you, you know that,
Don't you?
I love you.
I'm so sorry that I'm losing,
When other boys would leave you swooning.
When I finally get my words together,
I choke and they are gone forever."
At this she looked over at her driving companion, only to find him staring at her as they paused at traffic lights. The expression in his eyes made her flinch. It had been a long time since she had seen that kind of intensity in his eyes; all that time ago on the Admiral's porch. What had he said that day? "You'll always have someone who loves you." Did he mean himself? She tore her glance away from his, looking down at her hands.
But words are words and they mean nothing,
Surely 'I love you' counts for something!
So let's be hasty, and let's be reckless,
Just being with you leaves me breathless.
'Cause...It's so good to know you,
That I just don't know how to show you.
I love you, you know that,
Don't you?
I love you.
Her reverie was interrupted by her phone ringing. Glancing at the caller ID, she saw it was Clay. Hesitantly she answered the call.
"Hi" she said softly, still intensely aware that Harm was still singing along to the song quietly in the background.
"I'm just on my way to Norfolk with Harm to investigate a case. I'm not sure if I'll be back in time for dinner tonight." She said, wishing she could have this conversation away from Harm's ears: it was the third time in as many days she had cancelled dinner with Clay for one reason or other and he was starting to get a bit impatient with her. She paused as she listened to his irritated reply.
I love you, you know that,
Don't you?
I love you.
"I'm sorry." She replied,
It's so good to know you,
I just don't know how to show you.
I love you, you know that,
Don't you?
I love you.
As she listened to Clay's annoyed ramblings, she became aware that the song had finished and Harm was still humming it softly under his breath. Was he trying to tell her something? Suddenly something inside her snapped; she had had enough. She cut across Clay's diatribe,
"I'm sorry Clay, but I've got to go. I'll give you a call when I'm back from Norfolk." She said, wincing slightly at the lack of emotion that was evident in her voice. It sounded more like she was talking to a client than the man she had been dating for more than 6 months. She hung up quickly and was aware of Harm's concerned gaze glancing over at her at regular intervals. I wonder if those lyrics really were meant for me. She thought wistfully, not overly optimistic; she knew that it would be up to her to repair the rift that she had created between them in Paraguay. She missed her best friend. Even though they were slowly getting back to the way they were, there was a part of him that now seemed to be completely closed off to her; the part that she wanted access to the most; the part of him that he had all but offered to her on a plate and she had thrown back in his face out of fear and exhaustion. She decided to test the waters a bit.
"That was a nice song." She said softly, hearing Harm breath a quiet sigh of relief when she spoke. "Interesting lyrics." She added glancing over at him with a shy smile, relying once again on the type of cryptic comments that had been entwined in their relationship for as long as they had known each other; the kind of comment remained forever etched in each of their memories, both wondering what the other had meant by it. That was all she wanted to do right now; keep him wondering, keep him interested, hoping that the door she had closed might slowly be reopening. She was relieved to see his eyes crinkle as he smiled at her genuinely,
"Yeah." He replied, his voice coming out slightly huskier than he had intended. "very interesting." They stared at each other for a second, before Harm noticed the lights change and turned his attention back to the road.
Loved it? Hated it? Let me know! All kinds of feedback welcomed! I'll be posting a final chapter just as soon as its written – please bear with me, I'll be as fast as I can, but I can't promise super speediness.
Thanks for reading :o)
