Another fic I wrote a few days ago actually, but I forgot about it XD Um yeah I was in a random mood and I had no idea left then I thought hang on, letters! What types of things would or boy write?

I once wrote a letter. To myself. In that letter I told myself to never be afraid. To never let anything get me down. I told myself that I was scared of killing somebody. That I would be the cause of somebody not making it through the night. That when I made it as an attending it didn't mean my mistakes were over.

I wrote of how, when I finally found what I wanted, I needed to take it, and accept it and nurture it, so to speak. But when I found what I truly wanted, she belonged to somebody else. She was perfect, just what I knew I had always wanted, and who I knew I loved. I just wished she loved me.

She had lived with me for well over a year when she said she had to go. I didn't really want to understand why, but she told me I knew why, and I had to let her go. She was married and no matter how little I didn't want to accept that, I had to, I didn't have much choice. But now that was all different, her husband had died and when I tried to be there for her all she did was push me away out of fear of letting something happen. So Abby said.

And I see that now, now that we're sat here in this silence, I know I told myself never to be afraid, but right now, I have never been more afraid in my life. What if this all just crashed around me? I was always the guy who did whatever he wanted, I always got whoever I wanted, it wasn't much of a hard thing for me. Being in a band made sure of that. But she was with him. The biggest asshole on the planet.

All I had to do now was take a chance. I had given her a life home when he had failed her, I was there for her when he wasn't. That was the way it had always been and the way I hoped it always would be. I had a chance now, and I was sure, as I am Ray Barnett, I was going to take it.

"Neela?" A look of such intensity passed through her eyes, and before I knew it we were both leaning in and meeting in the middle. It was soft, gentle, and the best kiss that I had ever had and I've had a few. I gave her a chance to move away a chance she never took.

When she stayed there in front of me, I leaned in that extra inch once again and claimed her lips with my own. Still soft, still loving, so full of love, god what the hell am I talking about? Since when was Ray Barnett a sappy git?

After what seemed an eternity we finally stopped, the slow, steady bloody teasing of a kiss. She was smiling at me, bloody smiling at me; thank the lord that I've never believed in.

"Uh, do you wanna come in?" she asked still not moving further than a few inches away from me.

"Yeah, sure, uh, let me park," I said 'smoothly' or my attempt at smooth anyway, all I knew was my heart was in my throat and the butterflies in my stomach were having a field day.

xxx

We talked, and talked, about everything. And in the end we decided that we would try and act as if nothing was awkward, as if everything was normal, but she was going to tell Tony it was over, and I wouldn't have to wait for long for my happy ending. I wouldn't have to wait for long for the dream I mentioned in my letter I would finally get.

xxx

I once wrote a letter to myself, a little under two years ago. In that letter I told myself, to never be afraid. To never let anything get me down. And now I had done just that. I took a chance to get myself where I stood today. If I let my fear of rejection rule over me, I would not be stood here today. If I had let that pig get me down. No, I would probably be sat in my apartment drinking myself stupid because of him, but no. I stood here about to give her my life. But that wasn't a big deal, she already had my heart.

Please review, you know it makes me happy