THE ENCHANTED SKELETON MAN

THE ENCHANTED SKELETON MAN

One spooky snowy September Monday, Bella took her new dog "Cleta" to the dog park to play with Jacob. Bella had a strong desire to mate Jacob with Cleta, so he wouldn't feel bad about her ditching him for Eddie.

When all of the sudden, as she passed the blueberry tree, Hagrid jumped out and pelted letters at her!

"Maaaah!" he shrieked

"Who are you?" asked Belly curiously

"Hagrid McGladysdale, Keeper of keys and condoms at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!" he said as he took a dump while eating a dumpling and waving at a dump truck

"Dats hot beanz! So why have you come to see me, a fugly bland girl?"

"Because you look like you're scrapin' for a rapin'. Come into my tractor, and we can make love until the breaking dawn!" Bella smiled. "Oh, and I have to give you dis letter from my pal Dumbleydore, he is feeling hunky dorey at the moment!"

Bella opened the letter. It read:

Isabella Swan! I write to you to inform you that we require your services in the kitchen at Hogwarts! I here you are a spiffy cook from my good friend Carlisle! He is my tennis buddy! Come at once, and we will sort you! You will be an undercover agent!

Signed-

Paula Dumblydore

"Holy crayola! I can't wait! Let's do it now!"

Winnifred (as her new nickname was) was escorted into the floating tractor by Haggy. She asked him to call her Bella Nutella (she was a part time prostitute, but a full time friend). They had painful giant-fugly bland girl sex all night!

The next morning, Eddie said goodbye to Bella because he quit heroin and fell in love with his rehab counsellor, Judith Glick. I turned out he wasn't a vamp at all, just delusional from the heroin. And he killed people.

Winnifred jumped onto the Hogwarts express. With nothing but a filthy hankie from Haggy as a token of love. As she searched for a cabin, she ran into a boy with glasses and a scar.

"You are fucking hideous!" she said. "Nice scar… and balloon glasses!" she ran off laughing until she was tripped by a fat Korean.

"Bonjour! Would you like to sit with me and my goodness? My name is Cho Chang's brother."

"I'm Winnifred Bella Nutella, but my friends call me Flora."

Next to the fat Korean was a husky girl with sideburns named Kelsey Zellers. "Yo sista!" she said. "I like your fine purple skirt!"

"I love a vampire!" said Flora.

"Cool shoes!" said Kelsey

"T'anx!" said Bella Nutella.

"No, your shoes are ugly, it's just a phrase that means cool!"

"I'm Bella and I wear unattractive clothes and I think that is mean you hell goddess."

Soon enough, they arrived at Da Hog. Bella was sorted into Hufflepuff with Cedric Diggory, Kesey into Slytherin, and the fat Korean was kicked out because he was fat and ugly.

Bella made out with Cedric, but then she noticed Susan Bones, and began a sexual relationship. Then one night, Susan turned into a monster and ate her.

THE END